The Day After

Blank Canvas - The Apricot Gallery awaits

Sorting the layout

Prints of pieces in Canada hung in traditional Celtic Cross Layout

Buddhist themed work

Excited artist

Guest viewing the work

Celtic Cross layout of the original canvases

I thought this blog entry would write itself. I figured the entire experience of hosting a gallery show of my Tarot Card series would be content enough, but looking back I really have no idea where to start. This show felt like a very nice full-stop to what was originally just an intriguing idea for an art project.

From the High Priestess to the Wheel of Fortune, each card has been an exploration of my beliefs, the beliefs of the world around us and the energy which flows throughout. The sense of utter exhaustion I felt by the end of the two days was partly due to the physical effort involved and partly due to the emotional intensity of it. My blood, sweat and tears went into these paintings and as each guest came in I greeted and discussed with them the finer points of my work.

It was extremely interesting to find out which card drew an individual in and why they felt so captivated by it. For some it was the imagery, for others it was the description. For a few it was a combination of both, but no one seemed to leave without having chosen a card or two for which they felt an affinity.

I'd like to thank each guest I had for taking time to come look and have a chat. I feel like I have gained an even greater understanding of my own work by viewing it through the eyes of so many others.

I am extremely grateful for all the support I've had on this journey. I know I thanked many people upon completing the set, but I'd like to thank a few people in particular for this final step of showing my work.

I would like to thank my psychologist - my most expensive friend and a force to be reckoned with. Her persistence helped me stop making excuses. One of the guests of my show remarked that to put something like this one must take a lot of guts. I want to thank my psychologist for teaching me that fear can't actually hurt you. Without this encouragement I'd not have taken the plunge to move to London and I'd certainly not have believed in myself to think I could and should pull off what I have this past weekend.

I would like to thank my parents - they have always encouraged me to be the best of myself and without their unconditional love I know I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I'd like to thank those who were able to purchase my work. I did these paintings for myself but I shared them for people like you. I am so grateful for your appreciation of what I do and feel honoured that my work spoke to you in such a way that you would love to have it hung on your own wall to admire every day.

And in the tradition of saving the best for last, I would like to thank my partner. Not only did she do some smashing photography of the event, but she has given me huge amounts of support and encouragement throughout the planning and preparation. From all the little thing - like picking up cups for the wine and greeting people as they came in, to the really incredibly big things - like booking taxis and putting up with my fits of worry and anxiety, she has shown great patience and care. I am more grateful to her than words can possibly express.

In the aftermath of the showing I've become quite reflective. During the show many people asked what I intended to do next. I didn't have a straight forward answer for them but I can say that I came to the conclusion that, for now, my paint brushes will be set aside. I have mentioned before that I tend to want to do quite a lot all at once and feel almost paralysed by the abundance of ideas for creative projects which crop up on a daily basis. I feel though, having focused so entirely on this body of work for the past two and a half years, that there is time enough for all my work to be done - one piece at a time.

How To

How to Put on a Gallery Show

1. Complete something really incredible that you want to share with the world. You don’t even have to have a finished body of work. It can be a piece in progress if you like, just make sure there’s enough to share.
2. Find a space. Any space. It can be a gallery, it can be your living room, it can be a pop-up gazebo in a park somewhere. As long as it’s suitable to what you are showing and you’re happy with it.
3. Promote like crazy. Let everyone know repeatedly when, where, and what. Let them know who you are, most importantly, and make sure they know why they should come: e.g. original work, meeting the artist, a fun evening out, interesting conversation, something entirely different.
4. Sweeten the deal. Throw in something extra. Add value to the evening. Food is a great thing to offer. People love something to nibble on when they’re admiring your work. Something to drink is good too but keep it classy and make sure any restrictions are considered when doing so.
5. Sell yourself a little more. Make a special offer for people who attend. Like a slight reduction on the price of originals or the chance to win something you’ve made. Nothing that will be detrimental to your own pocketbook. You’re a professional, remember. Giving away your work for free doesn’t just keep you from making money, it means people will think you don’t value your own work. Make your prices reasonable but throw in a slight perk for those who attend.
6. Give yourself ample time. Make a backwards timeline from the day of the showing. Figure out what you need to get done and by when. There is always going to be a certain amount of stress when it comes to putting on a gallery show but there’s such a thing as ‘unmanageable stress’. Remember, you’re your own boss. You make your own hours and you know how much time you need to complete any given task. Be kind to yourself by having an effective plan in place.
7. Let go. At a certain point you’ll have done everything you can do. The trick is not to have any expectations, good, bad, positive, negative. The single objective is to share your work. If you sell something, fantastic. If you sell a lot of things, all the better. But if you don’t, that’s O.K. too. If a dozen people show up, that’s fine. If you end up with more people than the gallery can hold and it violates fire regulations, oh well. The important thing is that you are sharing your work to anyone who happens by.

8. Enjoy yourself. You are an artist. This is your moment. Relax, and just be.

A London Gallery Show

Photos from my November 29th, 2009 Gallery show in Calgary, Alberta

In just one week my Tarot Card paintings will be on display at the Apricot Gallery just off of Brick Lane. It seems like it's been absolute ages since finishing what ended up being a two year art project and booking the space to exhibit the completed work. I suppose it has been, having finished my final three cards back in February, but the time between my last Gallery showing and this upcoming on has been much longer.

In 2009 I truly began to take stock of my life, how I wanted to live it and where I could see myself in the coming years. I embraced my creativity, seeing my abilities as a writer and artist not as something to fill hobby time, but as something which could make me a living.

I also made the decision to move to London, one which has changed my life in unimaginable ways. Living in this city has been and continues to be an incredible education. Where else can you encounter a Henry Moore sculpture on a street corner, watch Kevin Spacey depict Richard III and gaze upon countless original pieces by the great masters of art?

I feel honoured and elated that my own work will soon be available for viewing by the London public. It seems so long ago that I took those first tentative steps into sharing my work and offering it for sale - a time when only eight of the twenty-two Tarot Paintings were complete.

Now I'm taking a new focus, still giving special consideration to my creative works, but with an aim to have a career which not only funds my art and writing, but also fulfills my passion and love of helping others. There's a lot to consider and as I do, I am becoming more and more excited about this gallery showing and what will come afterwards. There is nothing more liberating than the moment when we realise we are in control of our lives and in doing so we are loving the life we're leading instead of looking for a life we can love.

Faunawolf Creations Gallery Show: 5 - 9pm 19th of August and 11am - 9 pm 20th of August at the Apricot Gallery in the Rag Factory on Heneage Street just off of Brick Lane, 5 minutes from Aldgate East Tube.

Aimless

When working on my tarot paintings I felt like I had a pre-determined To Do list. Whether it was taping off canvases, researching other designs or original symbolism, painting the background, foreground or animals, I was always, always, always busy with something. Each week my life revolved around sleeping, eating, working and painting. I blogged and tweeted about it, gave out business cards, did tarot readings and generally was stuck in.

When the project was finished I cried, not because I was going to miss it or because it was finally done, but because I'd spent so long with it as a constant that it was this immensely emotional thing that I'd accomplished. The series had been a form of therapy for me, begun shortly after my life had taken a serious drop-kicking. My future lay before me as a blank space where, before, there had been an entire (albeit dismal) life supposedly planned out.

Initially all that blank space was terrifying. Then I realised that it was a grand opportunity. As I rediscovered who I was and everything I loved about myself, I began to learn some very important lessons. The first lesson was that no one, no matter what, should ever come before my own sense of self and happiness. I need to be the most important person in my own life and love myself best before I could possibly offer the same to anyone else. Part of that was doing things which gave me a sense of purpose and fed my passion for creativity.

My tarot project was the initial step towards living my own dreams, rather than helping other people achieve theirs to the detriment of my own.

Now that the project is done and I have a very strong sense of purpose in my life I have begun to feel a sort of aimlessness. I have a lot of energy that once went into painting for several hours each week. I'm putting a lot of it into editing my writing, preparing for my August Apricot Gallery show and occasionally dancing in public, but none of that takes up the same intense commitment of my time as the painting did.

So I've spent the last few weeks looking at my life stretching out before me and wondering exactly where it's going to go. I have learned so much about myself through the duration of working on those paintings. For example, I know I actually quite like an indeterminate future. Whereas before I felt the need to plot out every single aspect of my life with a sort of written in stone precision, I now love the sense of adventure which comes from not having my mind made up about anything in particular.

But then, there are always going to be certain constants. Whether I am published or not, whether my paintings sell or not, I will always be a writer and an artist. I also have a wonderful little fur-child in my life and to a certain extent my future must take her into consideration in all things. On top of that my family has expanded to include a talented photographer/chef/gardener and her two little fur-children.

I also know I am naturally a little nomadic. I will always have a strong sense of home and where my roots are but I need to explore and wander. I learn best by doing and the greatest discoveries come from seeing different places, meeting new people and trying new things. No matter how comforting a space or stable a job, my own natural spirit will always tell me when enough is enough and I need to move on, to try something different, learn something new and explore somewhere else.

So essentially I need a source of income which I can take on the road. I need a job which can evolve as I do, change as my life does and fit around my circumstances as they come to be on that fabulous blank canvas which is the potential of anyone's life.

One of my dearest friends has recently completed a Spiritual Counselling course and she and I often discuss the topics of her classes and the assignments she's had. For months now we have discussed these things and every time I've been acutely aware of how much it interests me. I've also always been aware of how often friends or family tell me I inspire them. I do this because I truly do have the knack for seeing the potential in another human being, sometimes to my own detriment, but also because I believe in genuine appreciation. When I see someone's strength or passion for something I see no reason why it shouldn't be encouraged. We are all pure potential at the same time as we are often our own worst enemy. As someone intimately acquainted with anxiety and depression, I fully understand how easy it is to talk ourselves out of accomplishing very great things. At the same time, I appreciate that anything I've accomplished in my life has been attributed to being able to see the reflection of myself in those I love. I know I've accomplished a great many things but I doubt I'd have been able to do it if not for the encouragement and belief from outside members...and at times the attitude of 'Stop whinging and do it already'.

I am a firm believer that we can all use an outside perspective and as such I have decided I would quite like to try my hand at Life Coaching. Not because I think I have life figured out. Far from it. I believe that the older I get the more I realise the less I know. I just know that I do so love helping someone see the potential that they know is there but just can't quite access. I would love to offer the same encouragement, compassion and at times, Zen-like butt kicking which I've received from the likes of my psychologist, mother or best friend.

We all need to make a living and if that living involves using a talent or skill then all the better. I'm quite excited for this decision and am looking forward to seeing which colours it takes on the palette and how it might turn out on that blank canvas.

Descriptions

In preparation for my gallery show in August (the 19th and 20th to be exact) I have been putting together art card descriptions for all the pieces I'll be showing. For most of my work this is relatively easy as it just involves a brief explanation of why I did it.

For my tarot cards it has been a far more in depth process. Because the cards are based on original deck designs and each one has a meaning behind it, I've needed to really polish my descriptions. It's been interesting as I've reflected on each design, going back to the very first ones I completed, moving forward to the final three I finished just a few months ago. Initially I didn't actually spend a lot of time explaining my work. I would finish a card, post some pictures of it to my blog and that was that.

When I held my first gallery show in Calgary in November 2009 I realised I needed to tell the story behind my work. I've been to galleries and museums where the work is summed up with a card stating the name of the artist, the material used and the title of the work. This is boring.

There is nothing more exciting than laying eyes on an original piece of work and getting a story to go along with this. A sculpture of a woman, who was also the artist's mistress. A painting of Jesus, which at the time was actually seen as a racy comment on the current king and resulted in the banishment of the artist. A series which started with great definition and progressed into pixilation and abstract as the mind of the artist turned to madness.

All of this makes the work that much more wonderful to look upon. I know I felt it as I revisited all 22 of my Tarot Paintings. I remembered the things going on in my life as each one took shape. Some designs started out with frustration and have now become my favourite pieces. Other designs had very little written about them and suddenly I was able to write long paragraphs, finding it difficult to keep the descriptions succinct.

Designing these cards has been an incredible journey for me. Not just professionally with regards to developing my skills, but personally, as I've worked on myself. I really am so happy I took it on. I think if I'd thought to far ahead on it the task might have seen impossibly daunting. As it is, looking back, I'm stunned at what I accomplished and extremely proud of the result.

Imaged and looking marvellous!

"The Sun" 24X36 Inch Acrylic on Canvas

Prints available. Starting at $50 CAD/£30 GBP

Email Faunawolf@gmail.com to order

The studio in Bethnal Green where I take my paintings to be imaged is not an easy place to get to. I've always had to take a minimum of two trains (one being the ever dreaded commuter line, Central, aptly coloured a vibrant red) and once there the walk to DigitalArte is a good ten minutes if I keep my pace up. This is compounded with the fact that I'm carrying at least two canvases with me, usually 24X36 inches in size. Light, but large, making for an awkward load.

But I love it. I love it because every time I've had to make the trip the weather has been stunning. After a generally grey and rainy start to the week, this morning dawned bright, blue and full of promise. The office where I work during the day was warm when I arrived, a highly unusual happenstance. Usually the room is frigid, a cold breeze blasting from the vents which run along under the nearly floor to ceiling windows of the corner office. Magazines are used to try and block this near constant chill and my first task after turning on the light is to run around the room switching on the strategically placed space heaters. Usually the office doesn't warm until noon, if it manages to get warm at all.

Today the sun, which was quite fresh in the sky, was already warming the room. I removed layers, relishing in the bright yellow glow. My brain was distracted, finding the role of my day job nearly impossible to focus on. In the corner sat two paintings, the final two to be dropped off.

At two I bid farewell to my co-workers, abandoning my thick wool coat on the back of my chair, to be brought home later this week. Outside the sun greeted me, the heat of it shining down from above and rising up off of the concrete below my feet. It seemed a shame to have to slip into the dark, stuffy enclosure of the underground but the idea of taking my canvases on a bus and risking bringing seven back during rush hour spurred me on. Besides, I knew I had the lovely, long walk from Bethnal Green Station to the tall studio filled building next to Regent's Canal.

Indeed, when I emerged from the underground, tucking the canvases under an arm, the sun greeted me happily. By the time I reached the studio I was drunk from it's rays.

I gathered the seven canvases I'd dropped off the week before, neatly wrapped and secured to the trolley I'd used to get them there. I switched them for the two I'd brought, the last two left to be imaged in preparation of my show on August 19th and 20th, and went back out to enjoy the sun.

Nothing like a kick of vitamin D combined with checking something off a rather daunting To Do List to give one a fabulous high.

Making a Delivery

With a venue for my Gallery Show booked I must now begin the preparations to ensure I can have prints available of all my work. I loaded up seven canvases onto the frame of a shopping trolley and braved the underground with them. I left at 6:30 in the morning, to ensure that the commuters (Of which I am one so I understand their potential for a grievance) were fewer.

I lugged them all to the office where I conduct the business of my day job, the day job which will be paying for the hefty fee of getting seven canvases imaged in one go, until 3:00pm when I could then take them by cab to Bethnal Green. Myself and the canvases arrived in one piece, managing the journey I'd been plotting and preparing for for about two weeks now. Oh to have a car and be in a city with an eighth of the population!

With my precious cargo safely in the hands of the skilled art photographer I was free to go. I return next week to gather then up and drop off the single one I managed to miss and then I will be able to offer prints, posters and all sort of other reproductions of my 22 Tarot Cards.

How very exciting!

The Wheel of Fortune

Finally we come to the Wheel of Fortune. I was extremely excited to paint this card. So much so that I actually could have finished it several weeks before The Chariot and Justice, but I chose not to. I wanted to savour it and I love saving the best for last. Whilst the last card I finished on February 19th was The Chariot, this was the last one which still had work on the main image left to do. I kept my wheel face blank, knowing it was something I'd be able to finish in just a few hours.

I moved between the three cards, adding layers of white to the text frames, touching up bits of shading here and there on The Chariot and Justice, and then adding huge swirls of blue to the wheel face on the Wheel of Fortune.

I had difficulty coming up with the animal for this card. I posted about it on my Facebook page and twitter account. Dozens of people sent in their ideas, one of which seemed to continue cropping up: The Orangutan or 'Old Man of the Woods'.

I'm not actually a huge fan of apes. They've never really delighted me like other animals have. But orangutans have always held a soft spot in my heart and the belief of them being ancient old wise men lent itself well to this incredibly powerful card.

This card is one of my favourite cards in the entire tarot deck because its meaning is largely why I identify as a Buddhist. It's easy to look at the world in terms of 'good' or 'bad', 'better' or 'worse'. This card tells us that the world just is. It's a roll of the dice or the spin of a wheel and our fortune or misfortune is determined by how we see the situation.
Life is what we make it and we can have all the good fortune in the world if we look at the very existence of our life as a fortunate circumstance. Even the darkest moments can be celebrated because we have the capacity and opportunity for enlightenment through each new experience we have.

I think it's quite fitting that these were my final three cards and of the final three, this one was the one I most enjoyed working on.

The Chariot

I first prepped the canvas for this card in September. It was a card which intimidated me, largely because of the complexity of it's symbolism, but also because I was choosing to use intricate sea dragons as the animal subject. I first discovered the existence of these unreal creatures at the Melbourne Aquarium. They are delicate and mesmerising. This card is often described as grounded and spiritual. Rooted in reality and yet not. Such a strange and lovely creature fit the feel of it for me, and besides, it lent itself well to using a shell for the chariot.
But what of the meaning behind this card? The symbolism and history of it is rich and varied. This is one of the most complex ones I've encountered, in fact, as there seem to be many opinions as to what it means. It can be seen as a representation of nurturing, caring and growth - not for another but for ones self. In finding a Buddhist theme this lends itself well to one of my favourite Buddhist beliefs that no one is more deserving of your own love, care and respect than yourself.

But the card's many symbols leave it open to other interpretations as well. It is traditionally a war chariot, pulled by horses and therefore an implication of victory or achievement.

There is also a strong play of opposites. Often the two steeds used would be black and white and there is a contrast of the sun and the moon. In this way the card shows a separation and pull in two different directions.

I personally like to think that it is about all of these meanings. It's about our ability to win our own inner battles, recognise our strengths and nurture compassion for ourselves. It's our thoughts versus our feelings, our wants versus our needs and our dreams versus our realities. Ultimately it's telling us to look at where we pull ourselves apart with the hope of unifying rather than fighting.
Suitably, this was the first of the final three which I began and the last that I finished this past weekend. Personally I've faced a lot of battles in making these paintings. I've struggled with creating them for myself versus creating them for what I think the world will appreciate, finding time and space to be creative versus making time to rest and painting for the sake of art versus painting for the sake of technique.

Ultimately I have been able to keep myself motivated and passionate throughout the entire two years that I worked on these paintings and that is the greatest achievement.

...Finished...

22 cards, 0 to 21.

22 canvases plotted, prepped and painted.

2 years, 2 cities, countless hours.

Thousands of songs played.

Well over a hundred cups of tea.

One brush used to write the text on each canvas. One brush from the very first: The High Priestess, to the last three: The Chariot, Justice and The Wheel of Fortune.

The brush is now becoming frayed, too large to use, but it made it through all 22 canvases and today I used it to complete what has been one of the greatest undertakings of my entire life. When that last stroke was applied the significance of what I'd accomplished overwhelmed me. I cannot say that I did this on my own. When one completes a novel there is a page of acknowledgments. Take each of these 22 paintings as a chapter. I would like to credit the completed work to so many different people. I will do my best...

In no particular order:

Thank you to...

Julian for taking National Geographic videos out of the library with great regularity when I was young. My resulting passion, love and knowledge for animals has been instrumental in choosing the subjects for my cards.

Nick for being an artist I could look up to.

Shannon for always telling me my artwork was something to be shared with the world and for being the inspiration behind the Strength card.

Clare for giving me space in which to work, making me tea, tolerating paint on the carpet, picking up supplies for me, finding a source for canvases in London and loving me unconditionally, even when I'm being an entirely unreasonable tortured artist.

Kendra for providing me with the inspiration for Temperance and to her and Mara for feeding my imagination throughout childhood.

Cielia for replying to every blog update on a complete piece and for a thousand paper cranes, which showed me even seemingly impossible tasks can be done if you give them time.

To wee three kitties for helping to de-stress me with healing cuddles involving a lot of purring.

To everyone who reads my blog, follows me on Twitter and 'likes' my page on Facebook for helping me choose which card to do next and narrow down which animal to use for each.

To the Elevensestime crowd for asking how I'm progressing.

To everyone who has purchased a print, sculpture, magnet or original canvas from me, thus helping me pay for imaging, brushes, pens, canvases, tape, pallets, pencils, erasers and my website.

To so very many musicians for doing what they do best and listening to their muse so they could provide a fantastic soundtrack to my painting.

Christine for not letting me make excuses and for helping me figure out that I'm a Buddhist.

To Janet for giving me my very first tarot deck, which inspired me to make one of my own.

~Thank You~

And yes, you will see the final three completed pieces in the next three blog entries I publish.

Manic Month

Wheel of Fortune progress

Justice progress

The Chariot progress

This past week has been manic! In fact, this entire year feels like it's been absolutely packed. I'm stunned that it's still January.

CS5 arrived last week. I uploaded it to my computer, fully ready to start the layout for an ad and the newsletter I've been assigned at my day job. I was absolutely giddy as I loaded it onto Sheffield (My laptop). Once that was finished I opened Finder so I could drop the icons onto my docking bar. I found Illustrator, Photoshop, Dreamweaver and Flash, but no InDesign. Picking up the box I scanned it for InDesign and realised the wrong CS5 have been ordered. Rather than Design Premium, I had Web Design Premium. I cursed and my manager asked what was up. I explained that the wrong version had come and it didn't have the program I needed in order to do layouts, create ads and develop informative material for the charity. Cool as anything, he said we'd just have to order it as a download from Adobe so I'd have it right away.

It wasn't a 'right away' thing but the faffing involved was minimal so by Thursday I had it successfully on my system and was able to begin the first few steps into being a graphic designer in a professional setting.

In addition to this development, my writing course began on Monday. It isn't what I'd expected from the course description but it's still beneficial in that it's getting me to spend three hours on my writing once a week. In fact, I'm finding myself thinking about writing more and more often. I am finding the return of a familiar feeling, one I've not experienced in such high doses for quite awhile. Its the feeling of tapping into another world, into the storytelling flow of my imagination. I've picked the first book I'm going to revisit and plan to use this course to fill it out and finish the required editing.

On top of that, I'm nearing the completion of the eighth book I've read in 2011. It's an absolutely brilliant book and I think every artist should read it. I use the term artist to mean anyone who creates. Whether you write, paint, draw, act, dance, or make music: The War of Art is essential reading. I cannot begin to explain how sensible, helpful and significant this book is. In everything I've done this week, from dinner at a friends to going to the Science Museum Lates, the book has not been far from my thoughts if not in my bag. This morning my partner and I went to Borough Market. On the train and over a second breakfast I kept talking with her about the concepts it was presenting to me. I only have a page left to read but I'm leaving it, as something to be enjoyed slowly. I don't doubt I'll just start reading from the start once I finish. I tend to turn certain books into 'bibles' for a time. They become an ultimate reference when their words are what I'm ready to hear. I feel very receptive to them and very positive about the energy they provide. The energy fueled my painting today. I have pushed on with all three of my final tarot cards and I'm really chuffed with what I've managed to accomplish today. My plot is to finish at least one of them in the next week. If all three could be done by the end of February that'd be smashing. Then it's just about planning a gallery showing and concentrating my energy on my writing.

...and so 2011 began, and it was good.

Link Sharing is awesome!

I got an email a few days ago from someone putting together a German based Tarot website. They'd found my website and wanted to know if they could write a review of my Major Arcana paintings and include a link to my site on theirs. I asked for them to send me a copy of what they would be writing, before it was published, just for my review. They sent me the google translation (Engrish lovers rejoice!) of what would be put on their site in German:

Today I would like to introduce you briefly paintings by Kaitlyn Hatch, is this is aseries of artworks for major arcana of the Tarot. Painted with acrylics on canvas, youmay well be the classic tarot - symbolism recognize, but which is enriched in highly creative background design by animal figures and evocative. The paintings are about 60 × 90 cm, and are commercially available to purchase on the website of the artist.Examples can be found below the hermit, the tower, and the High Priestess. In the case of interest - for picture may be subject to $ 800. Perhaps it is also once the mplementation of the card as a normal tarot deck?

How neat is that?

A Year in Review - Part Two

...2010...

Before I embarked on this journey I was often asked, "Why London?"

One of my main reasons 'why London' was because of the accessibility of so much of the rest of the world. Growing up in Canada meant that the United States and Mexico were key holiday choices (besides the entire rest of Canada, of course) and the opportunity to visit places in Europe and Asia were not cheap or convenient. Besides that, there's everything the UK has to offer.

Despite easy access to these places being so essential on my list, I don't feel I did as much as I'd expected. This was largely due to a lack of stable income as I worked on securing a job that met the requirements of my visa. However, despite my sporadic and rather minimal income, I've managed to see and do quite a lot. There haven't been any particularly long breaks, but it's about quality, not quantity.

At the end of January my partner treated me to a weekend in Paris, where we managed to walk from our hotel to Notre Dame to the Louvre to the Eiffel Tower in just one day. It was a magical experience made all the more delightful by the novel 'Walks in Hemingway's Paris' which was the accompanying Christmas gift to the Paris train tickets. It was this trip and this book which got my mind set on this time abroad being like my very own self-run apprenticeship.

This idea and my own personal belief that putting conditions on things can only set me up for disappointment meant I took every opportunity for adventure as it came, regardless of whether or not it was something I'd planned to do or see.

As I discovered more of the UK with a camping trip in Dorset, several weekends in Cambridge and one or two jaunts up to Norwich, I began to see why my grandma's memoirs have such a sentimental tone. This country is beautiful, warm and comforting.

For my birthday I felt that a trip was necessary to take my mind off the fact that 2010 would be the first year I'd spend my birthday away from my family. I decided that Amsterdam would be my choice. I've always been curious about Amsterdam but it wouldn't normally have been high on my list of locations to visit as I don't drink or partake in any illegal substances. I am so very glad I didn't assume that was all Amsterdam would offer. It has been one of the absolute highlights of this year and picking a highlight would be difficult. I did have an incredible time in Rembrandt's house and the HomoMonument was a very emotional sculpture to visit.

As the year drew to an end my partner and I realised we would both have the 25th to the 3rd off from work. My parents would be heading back to Canada on the 27th so the two of us decided to book a holiday starting the day they flew out. Initially the plot was to go somewhere hot with a lovely beach and lots of sun. We searched site after site trying to find something just right. Searches mostly brought up Egypt. The problem with this was that if we were going to get anything for such a small window of time it would be hugely expensive and likely in a silly resort setting. If you're the sort of person who likes to be pampered in a hotel room in a resort which could be anywhere in the world, just for the sake of a relaxing escape, that's perfectly fine. I am not that person, nor is my partner. I like to explore and if I'm going to go to Egypt I want to spend time seeing Egypt. I want old ruins and authentic market places and rickety boats down the Nile. I want a camel ride and walking in the desert.

After searching LastMinute.com for the umpteenth time we determined that perhaps sticking to the UK (sort of) would be more fun for this time round. We checked Scotland, perused Ireland and finally, upon discovering a brilliant hotel+flight deal we settled on Jersey. Jersey, one of the channel Islands, home of the prettiest cows in the world and steeped in history. There is beach which, although the ocean is too cold for swimming, is perfect for exploring tide pools and taking long, relaxing walks along. My lungs are free of the big city fumes and my ears are free from the near constant sirens and engines of London streets.

As I discover the lovely bits of Jersey art and history I'm clearing my mind and reviewing this past year.

It's been extremely difficult at times. There have been moments when I couldn't sleep because I was so homesick, moments where I've felt so lonely I thought I'd never stop crying, and moments where I felt that I would hop a plane without hesitation if it meant hugging my dad, brother, mum or an old friend.

But there have been absolutely gorgeous moments:

Like watching the Eiffel tower light up like a glitter ball after a long day of walking.

There were fresh fried prawns in garlic butter, better than any I've ever eaten before, enjoyed as a picnic on a hotel floor.

There were three adorable Indian Runner ducks sat next to me on a dock overlooking a pond. There's incredibly thick, delicious cream on fresh Scottish berries enjoyed in a lovely pergola at the end of the most perfect English garden.

There's been figuring out the tube and getting around to places that most Londoners haven't even realised are at their fingertips.

There's been mornings and afternoons spent in wonderful buildings full or incredible art, like the Saatchi Gallery, Tate Modern, V & A Museum or National Gallery.

The magnificent discovery of historic objects like the Rosetta Stone or Babbage's calculating machines.

There have been two wonderful rides on the London Eye.

There was finding Abbey Road with my mum and a long time family friend.

There was the first time I saw Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, the Houses of Parliament, and Royal Albert Hall.

There was the absolute delight of elephant hunting.

The wonderful entertainment of 'The Rise and Fall of Little Voice', 'Sister Act', 'Avenue Q' and Billy Bailey's 'Dandelion Mind.

I've also done a lot to stick with that idea of this being an apprenticeship. I took that course at Chelsea, attended drop-in sketch classes at the NPG, learned how to do an acrylic portrait at a class taught by Sadie Lee, attended a talk with Antony Gormley and sought out all the fantastic public art I could (Thank you Henry Moore!) I also pulled out a few of my manuscripts, began editing them and found someone to help. The thing of which I am most proud this year, however, has been the completion of ten more 24X36 inch depictions of the Major Arcana of a tarot deck.

Looking back it seems incredible to have accomplished so much in just a year. I am my own worst critic and I can easily get caught up in feeling like I'm just not doing 'enough'. I may not have done exactly what I thought I might this past year, but I certainly feel that I've done enough, and the mystery of it has been half the fun. Who knows what 2011 will bring.

...2010...

More Imaged work!

This entry was published without editing as I am suffering from the flu. Apologies if it makes very little sense or none at all.

It seems so very long ago that I completed these cards. I suppose in a way it was. The Star was completed in May 2009 and The World in March 2009. Looking back on my entries is very interesting as I didn't post much about the Star painting and absolutely nothing about The World. Of course, at that point I didn't know much about marketing my work and how to let people know exactly why I was creating it. I suppose, at the time, I was just making it for myself, without considering that my blog readers might have an interest in the process or the meaning.

I suppose now is as good a time as any to redeem myself, as I certainly hope I've come a long way from then. I know I can see how my painting has improved, at least, although I still have a great fondness for both of these cards. The originals reside in Canada and I do miss having them on my wall, although if someone were to love one of them enough to want it on their wall I wouldn't object.

But I digress. This is to get the meaning across, to share my motivation and to explain why I painted these two cards in the way I did.

As it was the first of the two which I completed I will start with The World. In the Major Arcana this is the 21st of 22 cards starting at 0. It's suitable that this is the final card of the Major Arcana as it's meaning is a sense of completion. It represents unity and accomplishment. This is shown by the universal symbol of a circle, in this case, the Earth. Traditionally it also includes Leo, Taurus, Scorpio and Aquarius. These are representative of energy, matter, time and space, respectively. As I wanted to have only one animal used in the symbolism of this card I chose to portray these four as stars.

My choice to use a turtle was two fold. I see them as extremely wise, steady creatures. This is a very powerful and wise card and I see turtles as very serene, strong animals. I am also a huge fan of Terry Pratchett, so this is a nod to him.

My design for The Star is one of my personal favourites. I originally drew this dragon as an idea for a tattoo. I chose to have a tattoo artist design the dragon which is now happily displayed on my left shin, but I still loved the dragon I'd originally drawn and wanted to put it to good use. Because the Star is such a wonderfully comforting card, and because I have always drawn and written about dragons from a place of fond childhood memories, it seemed a suitable choice.

This card is about the future, but not what is going to happen or not happen. It's about the pure simple fact that everything will be O.K. It's representative of hope and the knowledge that tomorrow is another day. This is something I've found to be an extremely important lesson in my life to date. Nothing is forever can seem like a very scary realisation, but in this card it is meant to be a great comfort. Nothing, no matter how uncomfortable, heartbreaking or difficult is forever and the future stretches before us as pure potential.

Both of these cards are available to purchase through my website. You may purchase the original(s) or get a print, poster or card. Despite my earlier miffed musings about RedBubble I have decided that for now it will be the way to go. I am looking into building my own site where I can sell the prints directly without a middle-man, but that's in the future. The bright, beautiful future.

Judgment

The Judgment card represents change. In Buddhism understanding and embracing change are extremely important. The teachings of suffering due to attachment are hinged on the understanding that everything is impermanent. The Judgment card represents accepting this impermanence and embracing something new.

This is the first time I've used text in one of my tarot cards. I do like incorporating my writing into my art, but because these cards are based so strongly on symbolism, I've not felt the need to bring in words. With this one, however, I found a Buddhist quote which I felt fit the mood and meaning of the card extremely well.

I chose a hare because they adapt to their surroundings and the change in weather by changing their coat each year. I have also always thought hares are a symbol of strength and it takes great strength to train ones mind to be comfortable and accepting of change.

I don't know that I'll finish another tarot card this year. I've only three left: The Chariot, Justice and the Wheel of Fortune. My parents are arriving for Christmas holidays on Monday and between visiting, work and Christmas things I don't suppose I'll have a lot of time for painting. Still, I've done ten cards this year and this final one certainly fits the time of year. Change is constant but I think we all become a bit more aware of it as a new year approaches.

Three new paintings available as prints

Today I picked up my imaged paintings and rushed home to get them up on my site. Unfortunately there seems to be an issue with the art uploader so for now I do have them up on RedBubble but not on www.Faunawolfcreations.com.

You can take a look all the paintings I've had imaged and order your very own print in the form of a poster, mounted print or card. A wonderful gift idea just in time for Christmas! Currently all the prices shown are in CAD but you can change the currency on RedBubble really easily. In fact, it should automatically set it to the currency most suitable to the country you're in.

I'll have a few more prints available by the 15th so keep watching.

The Sun

Outside the rain is pouring down. Thunder rumbles, rattling the window I sit next to when I paint. I have just completed the nineteenth card of the Tarot deck.

The Sun is traditionally depicted with the face of a lion and it was difficult for me to deviate from this as the basis of my cards is to choose animals to represent each one and a lion just seemed to fit. The meaning of the card is a glorious sense of contentment and good will. It is the bright, beautiful sun breaking through the clouds and filling our day with warmth, growth and happiness. Or, to look at it from a Buddhist perspective, this card represents enlightenment. It is clear consciousness of ourselves and the world around us, how everything is connected and the sense of well-being we have when we just let things be.

I have always been fond of bees and this is the first time I've incorporated an insect into one of my cards. I believe insects are as much a part of the animal world as anything I've painted before and their industrious nature and the fact that a bee knows it's purpose in life made them feel like a suitable choice The sunflower just fit as a symbol to represent the Sun itself.

I'm quite pleased with how this one has turned out. So much so that I have removed The Hierophant from its usual place on my wall so The Sun can hang there instead.

In four days time I will be taking three more of my cards to be imaged. I am at a loss because I can only afford to get three done but there are seven that need doing. So I extend a request to you, of the following seven cards, which would you most like to be able to purchase as a print, card or poster sooner rather than later?

The Hanged Bat

The Devil

The Tower

Love

The Hermit

The Moon

The Sun

The Wheel of Fortune

This card represents good fortune. This is the accumulation of all the good we do coming back to us. It's serendipity.

Initially I wanted to do something using rodents to play on the wheel aspect of the card. I mulled this idea over and did a few rough sketches of different layouts, but nothing has piqued my interest enough for me to carry it through and start the painting.

I now have all the canvases I need for the final five cards I have to do to complete my depiction of the Major Arcana. The Chariot is just barely started and The Sun is nearing completion. Justice and Judgement are sketched out in my journal, taking shape nicely and starting to settle enough in my imagination to be something I can soon produce. The Wheel of Fourtune, however, is a blank canvas to me.

I am unsure which animal or animals can represent this incredibly sought after card. As a Buddhist I am able to see it as a representation of the balance of Karma. It's about putting good energy out into the universe, removing the Karma against us, and the energy we will receive in return. It's also a card of change, from a path of struggle to a path of well-being.

Traditionally the card will have a Sphinx in it but in doing this project I have avoided using the traditional animal representations for the sake of making the card designs more my own. I am struggling with this one. It's an important card with many symbols. The animal I choose will be just as important.

Once again I ask you, my readers, followers and fans, to tell me what you think. What is an animal (or animals) that represents good fortune, positive change and an uplift to the spirits?

London Journal - Ten Months and seven Tarot Cards

I arrived here on January 7th. It's now November 7th, ten months since that wintry day when the tubes were shut due to a dusting of snow.

When I first arrived I was without a job and with very few funds. What little money I had saved was practically halved due to the exchange and so my days needed to be spent frugally. I filled my time by visiting museums and job hunting.

About two weeks in I was unhinged. I had no art supplies and no money to buy art supplies. I awaited a delivery from Canada and felt myself going slowly bonkers.

When my supplies finally arrived (The case beaten up but the contents safe and ready for use.) it was as though a floodgate had opened. I bought a few canvases, deciding the expense was worth it for the sake of my sanity, and set to work on my Tarot Cards.

The last Tarot Card I'd completed before leaving Canada was Temperance, which I did for a friend.

The first card I did when I got to London was The Hierophant, which I did just for me. It continues to hang in one of the four spaces I have for my paintings, even though I've done seven more since.The Hanged Bat was my second piece completed and then there were a few weeks where I worked on other projects, taking a break from my cards. When I picked up the brush again it was to do The Magician.

I was already mulling my next card over when The Magician was just a pencil sketch. I often get the idea of the animal and a general image of the layout I want a few weeks before I start a card. I knew The Devil would be next because I could picture it so clearly.

Despite having such a clear idea of The Devil, this card has taken the longest for me to complete of any I've done thus far. It wasn't that the actually painting took any longer (I spend about eight to twelve hours per card.) but I found myself unable to work on it for weeks at a time. At one point I even feared it wouldn't be finished as I repeatedly laboured to get the horns just right.

Of course the feeling of being stuck didn't last and in one afternoon of solid painting I completed it and found the energy to start my next one.

But alas, I was without canvases for a time and had to put that energy into other projects until the time when I could afford some new ones.

The next batch of canvases arrived and I proceeded to complete Love, The Moon and The Hermit rapidly. Each of these carried through to the next and I found myself coming home and painting almost every evening. One of the canvases was damaged and so it could not be used for my Tarot Cards. Instead it was used for a self portrait and a replacement was ordered.

When I began The Tower I was nervous. I do not like this card and each card I've done has managed to reflect the energy and current experience of my life. I did not feel like I had the energy for a tear down and re-build but The Tower was sticking in my head. It was the only one of the remaining few I had to do that I had a clear idea for and so I began it.

I did seem to find myself wavering. Things seemed to be coming to a head and in an effort to remedy the personal difficulties I was struggling with I rushed to complete the piece.

It is the last one I've done but not the last Tarot Card I've worked on. I have two more from that last order of canvases. They're both started, both waiting for my time and attention.

Last week my final five 24X36 inch canvases arrived. The final five canvases for a project begun in January 2009 when I still lived in Calgary and moving to London was merely an idea in a long list of ideas.

From The High Priestess to The Tower, I have now explored and created seventeen of the twenty-two cards that make up the Major Arcana of a Tarot deck. I have spent nearly two years on this project which is now nearing the end. Last year I did nine cards in twelve months. This year I've done eight in ten, so far.

It's amazing what you can accomplish in a year. Amazing to ponder, if this is what you can do in a year, what will you do in a lifetime?

I look forward to finding out.

The Tower

I finished the text today.

I definitely feel that my foundations have been shaken up, a few knocked down and better ones are being built in their place.

The biggest development in my life at the moment has been the move from temp to full-time. I haven't really mentioned on my blog what pays the bills because it's not really me and of little importance. It has been a job, there to provide a pay cheque and little else. I think I've come to expect working for anyone else to always mean that I'm going to be no more than a body filling a role, performing a function. Any ideas or initiative I've had have gone unnoticed or actively squashed. Other than my role at the Youth Animation Project and my first job out of High School I have not been in a work environment that cared to foster my skills, my passions and my goals.

The big shift that has occurred with this job is that it no longer feels like it doesn't tie in with my creative side. My role is shifting and with it comes a strong sense of freedom. I may be working for someone else but they actually recognise me for who I am. They recognise what I can offer as an artist and a writer, not just as someone with strong organisational skills and a decent work ethic.

It's a nice feeling, being appreciated in this way. I don't feel like this is just a pay cheque anymore. It's starting to feel like an opportunity, a place for me to try new skills and strengthen the old. And if anything, it's becoming something that is tearing down a lot of ideas I had about myself. I once told my partner that I feel unemployable because I always have an opinion and even if I go to great lengths to express it in an open and honest way, it's been met with resistance. It has gotten me into trouble and made me feel as if I was wrong for suggesting improved or different ways of doing things for the sake of productivity. I'd given up on ever being given a chance to grow within the confines of a corporation or business, accepting that the only way I was going to do what I love would be to do it all on my own.

I like surprises. I like having someone tell me they have confidence in me and that they want to see what I'm going to do. I like hearing that what I'm going to learn at Chelsea can be applied in a professional setting right away. I like hearing that it's in the interest of my employer to encourage my skills and talents for my benefit as much as theirs.

The best part is knowing that my creative expression won't just be limited to painting and writing on my evenings and weekends. I'm even more excited about this course now as a result of this new recognition and encouragement.