A reading...

One question I was asked a lot during my gallery show was if I do tarot card readings. "Yes!" is the answer and it was because of this that I was first struck with the idea of doing my own interpretation of the Major Arcana.

My first deck was a gift (Traditionally it is believed that one should not purchase their own deck but have it given to them.) and the giver not only bestowed me with the beautiful set, but also offered to tutor me in reading them. I was fascinated with the artwork, the intricacy of the images and the depth of their meaning and wanted to learn more.

This interest was what fueled me to start exploring the history of tarot through painting. On top of that I had a strong desire to see my large depictions in a traditional Celtic Cross Spread, one of the most commonly used spreads for conducting a reading. I did get to use this spread at my show and photographed it extensively and enthusiastically, thrilled to see my dream coming true.

Another spread often used when reading tarot is the quick 'three card spread', which is usually how the cards are shown being used in popular media. The reader lays down three cards and 'foretells the future' of the querant...or something along those cheesy lines.

In actuality, the cards are used to read energy and they don't reveal anything you don't already know. They are meant to give direction, not definitive answers. Or at least that is how I've come to understand them and how I've always used them.

So what of this particular three card spread? It can represent many things depending on what you assign each card - mind, body and spirit/ past, present and future / positive, negative and self. Or it can be used to answer a direct question of the querant such as "Is my relationship healthy?" or "Am I doomed to be single forever?"

Personally I quite like current focus, coming focus, overall focus. When applied to these three cards: Love, The Chariot and The Sun, it makes a very profound statement about our own sense of self worth.

In this order Love sits in the current focus. This means that the individual is or should be working on loving themselves compassionately in every way. Good advice for anyone, really, and a large part of why I'm working on becoming a Life Coach.

People don't love themselves nearly enough but I believe it's extremely important to be your own best friend. When you can learn to rely on yourself and feel a sense of pride in who you are and how you've come to be that person, doors will open and life becomes far more enjoyable.

Which leads us to the second card, The Chariot, in the coming focus position. Ultimately, loving who you are isn't necessarily that difficult. You can sit down and make a list of the things you've accomplished, all the things you're proud of and all the joys you get out of life. You can list your favourite attributes and your skills and talents. You can find a sense of confidence and begin to really shine - but then we will notice the other things that couldn't possibly go on such glowing, positive lists. That silly mistake you made at work, or that time you were careless with someone else's heart. That selfish, hurtful thing you might have done or that cruel joke we partook in.

The Chariot asks us to look at how we can be our own worst enemy sometimes and that part of loving ourself is about compassion for those darker sides. It's about accepting responsibility for our actions and knowing that what we may have done in the past doesn't have to dictate what we'll do in the future. Rather than fighting, clinging, grasping and struggling, we need to open up, relax, accept responsibility and embrace change.

When we do we will reach The Sun, the overall focus and the plateau of Maslow's Hierarchy or the moment of enlightenment. That divine, glorious moment when we can understand that life is beautiful in it's tiny intricacy and it's never ending chaotic glory. This is positive energy, fitting in with the world and knowing that we are all connected, we're all unlimited potential and we are all capable of great things.

So this particular spread is full of a lot of good energy. It's one that I think makes a good teaching for how to live life with a sense of contentment.

The Day After

Blank Canvas - The Apricot Gallery awaits

Sorting the layout

Prints of pieces in Canada hung in traditional Celtic Cross Layout

Buddhist themed work

Excited artist

Guest viewing the work

Celtic Cross layout of the original canvases

I thought this blog entry would write itself. I figured the entire experience of hosting a gallery show of my Tarot Card series would be content enough, but looking back I really have no idea where to start. This show felt like a very nice full-stop to what was originally just an intriguing idea for an art project.

From the High Priestess to the Wheel of Fortune, each card has been an exploration of my beliefs, the beliefs of the world around us and the energy which flows throughout. The sense of utter exhaustion I felt by the end of the two days was partly due to the physical effort involved and partly due to the emotional intensity of it. My blood, sweat and tears went into these paintings and as each guest came in I greeted and discussed with them the finer points of my work.

It was extremely interesting to find out which card drew an individual in and why they felt so captivated by it. For some it was the imagery, for others it was the description. For a few it was a combination of both, but no one seemed to leave without having chosen a card or two for which they felt an affinity.

I'd like to thank each guest I had for taking time to come look and have a chat. I feel like I have gained an even greater understanding of my own work by viewing it through the eyes of so many others.

I am extremely grateful for all the support I've had on this journey. I know I thanked many people upon completing the set, but I'd like to thank a few people in particular for this final step of showing my work.

I would like to thank my psychologist - my most expensive friend and a force to be reckoned with. Her persistence helped me stop making excuses. One of the guests of my show remarked that to put something like this one must take a lot of guts. I want to thank my psychologist for teaching me that fear can't actually hurt you. Without this encouragement I'd not have taken the plunge to move to London and I'd certainly not have believed in myself to think I could and should pull off what I have this past weekend.

I would like to thank my parents - they have always encouraged me to be the best of myself and without their unconditional love I know I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I'd like to thank those who were able to purchase my work. I did these paintings for myself but I shared them for people like you. I am so grateful for your appreciation of what I do and feel honoured that my work spoke to you in such a way that you would love to have it hung on your own wall to admire every day.

And in the tradition of saving the best for last, I would like to thank my partner. Not only did she do some smashing photography of the event, but she has given me huge amounts of support and encouragement throughout the planning and preparation. From all the little thing - like picking up cups for the wine and greeting people as they came in, to the really incredibly big things - like booking taxis and putting up with my fits of worry and anxiety, she has shown great patience and care. I am more grateful to her than words can possibly express.

In the aftermath of the showing I've become quite reflective. During the show many people asked what I intended to do next. I didn't have a straight forward answer for them but I can say that I came to the conclusion that, for now, my paint brushes will be set aside. I have mentioned before that I tend to want to do quite a lot all at once and feel almost paralysed by the abundance of ideas for creative projects which crop up on a daily basis. I feel though, having focused so entirely on this body of work for the past two and a half years, that there is time enough for all my work to be done - one piece at a time.

Descriptions

In preparation for my gallery show in August (the 19th and 20th to be exact) I have been putting together art card descriptions for all the pieces I'll be showing. For most of my work this is relatively easy as it just involves a brief explanation of why I did it.

For my tarot cards it has been a far more in depth process. Because the cards are based on original deck designs and each one has a meaning behind it, I've needed to really polish my descriptions. It's been interesting as I've reflected on each design, going back to the very first ones I completed, moving forward to the final three I finished just a few months ago. Initially I didn't actually spend a lot of time explaining my work. I would finish a card, post some pictures of it to my blog and that was that.

When I held my first gallery show in Calgary in November 2009 I realised I needed to tell the story behind my work. I've been to galleries and museums where the work is summed up with a card stating the name of the artist, the material used and the title of the work. This is boring.

There is nothing more exciting than laying eyes on an original piece of work and getting a story to go along with this. A sculpture of a woman, who was also the artist's mistress. A painting of Jesus, which at the time was actually seen as a racy comment on the current king and resulted in the banishment of the artist. A series which started with great definition and progressed into pixilation and abstract as the mind of the artist turned to madness.

All of this makes the work that much more wonderful to look upon. I know I felt it as I revisited all 22 of my Tarot Paintings. I remembered the things going on in my life as each one took shape. Some designs started out with frustration and have now become my favourite pieces. Other designs had very little written about them and suddenly I was able to write long paragraphs, finding it difficult to keep the descriptions succinct.

Designing these cards has been an incredible journey for me. Not just professionally with regards to developing my skills, but personally, as I've worked on myself. I really am so happy I took it on. I think if I'd thought to far ahead on it the task might have seen impossibly daunting. As it is, looking back, I'm stunned at what I accomplished and extremely proud of the result.

The Wheel of Fortune

Finally we come to the Wheel of Fortune. I was extremely excited to paint this card. So much so that I actually could have finished it several weeks before The Chariot and Justice, but I chose not to. I wanted to savour it and I love saving the best for last. Whilst the last card I finished on February 19th was The Chariot, this was the last one which still had work on the main image left to do. I kept my wheel face blank, knowing it was something I'd be able to finish in just a few hours.

I moved between the three cards, adding layers of white to the text frames, touching up bits of shading here and there on The Chariot and Justice, and then adding huge swirls of blue to the wheel face on the Wheel of Fortune.

I had difficulty coming up with the animal for this card. I posted about it on my Facebook page and twitter account. Dozens of people sent in their ideas, one of which seemed to continue cropping up: The Orangutan or 'Old Man of the Woods'.

I'm not actually a huge fan of apes. They've never really delighted me like other animals have. But orangutans have always held a soft spot in my heart and the belief of them being ancient old wise men lent itself well to this incredibly powerful card.

This card is one of my favourite cards in the entire tarot deck because its meaning is largely why I identify as a Buddhist. It's easy to look at the world in terms of 'good' or 'bad', 'better' or 'worse'. This card tells us that the world just is. It's a roll of the dice or the spin of a wheel and our fortune or misfortune is determined by how we see the situation.
Life is what we make it and we can have all the good fortune in the world if we look at the very existence of our life as a fortunate circumstance. Even the darkest moments can be celebrated because we have the capacity and opportunity for enlightenment through each new experience we have.

I think it's quite fitting that these were my final three cards and of the final three, this one was the one I most enjoyed working on.

The Chariot

I first prepped the canvas for this card in September. It was a card which intimidated me, largely because of the complexity of it's symbolism, but also because I was choosing to use intricate sea dragons as the animal subject. I first discovered the existence of these unreal creatures at the Melbourne Aquarium. They are delicate and mesmerising. This card is often described as grounded and spiritual. Rooted in reality and yet not. Such a strange and lovely creature fit the feel of it for me, and besides, it lent itself well to using a shell for the chariot.
But what of the meaning behind this card? The symbolism and history of it is rich and varied. This is one of the most complex ones I've encountered, in fact, as there seem to be many opinions as to what it means. It can be seen as a representation of nurturing, caring and growth - not for another but for ones self. In finding a Buddhist theme this lends itself well to one of my favourite Buddhist beliefs that no one is more deserving of your own love, care and respect than yourself.

But the card's many symbols leave it open to other interpretations as well. It is traditionally a war chariot, pulled by horses and therefore an implication of victory or achievement.

There is also a strong play of opposites. Often the two steeds used would be black and white and there is a contrast of the sun and the moon. In this way the card shows a separation and pull in two different directions.

I personally like to think that it is about all of these meanings. It's about our ability to win our own inner battles, recognise our strengths and nurture compassion for ourselves. It's our thoughts versus our feelings, our wants versus our needs and our dreams versus our realities. Ultimately it's telling us to look at where we pull ourselves apart with the hope of unifying rather than fighting.
Suitably, this was the first of the final three which I began and the last that I finished this past weekend. Personally I've faced a lot of battles in making these paintings. I've struggled with creating them for myself versus creating them for what I think the world will appreciate, finding time and space to be creative versus making time to rest and painting for the sake of art versus painting for the sake of technique.

Ultimately I have been able to keep myself motivated and passionate throughout the entire two years that I worked on these paintings and that is the greatest achievement.

...Finished...

22 cards, 0 to 21.

22 canvases plotted, prepped and painted.

2 years, 2 cities, countless hours.

Thousands of songs played.

Well over a hundred cups of tea.

One brush used to write the text on each canvas. One brush from the very first: The High Priestess, to the last three: The Chariot, Justice and The Wheel of Fortune.

The brush is now becoming frayed, too large to use, but it made it through all 22 canvases and today I used it to complete what has been one of the greatest undertakings of my entire life. When that last stroke was applied the significance of what I'd accomplished overwhelmed me. I cannot say that I did this on my own. When one completes a novel there is a page of acknowledgments. Take each of these 22 paintings as a chapter. I would like to credit the completed work to so many different people. I will do my best...

In no particular order:

Thank you to...

Julian for taking National Geographic videos out of the library with great regularity when I was young. My resulting passion, love and knowledge for animals has been instrumental in choosing the subjects for my cards.

Nick for being an artist I could look up to.

Shannon for always telling me my artwork was something to be shared with the world and for being the inspiration behind the Strength card.

Clare for giving me space in which to work, making me tea, tolerating paint on the carpet, picking up supplies for me, finding a source for canvases in London and loving me unconditionally, even when I'm being an entirely unreasonable tortured artist.

Kendra for providing me with the inspiration for Temperance and to her and Mara for feeding my imagination throughout childhood.

Cielia for replying to every blog update on a complete piece and for a thousand paper cranes, which showed me even seemingly impossible tasks can be done if you give them time.

To wee three kitties for helping to de-stress me with healing cuddles involving a lot of purring.

To everyone who reads my blog, follows me on Twitter and 'likes' my page on Facebook for helping me choose which card to do next and narrow down which animal to use for each.

To the Elevensestime crowd for asking how I'm progressing.

To everyone who has purchased a print, sculpture, magnet or original canvas from me, thus helping me pay for imaging, brushes, pens, canvases, tape, pallets, pencils, erasers and my website.

To so very many musicians for doing what they do best and listening to their muse so they could provide a fantastic soundtrack to my painting.

Christine for not letting me make excuses and for helping me figure out that I'm a Buddhist.

To Janet for giving me my very first tarot deck, which inspired me to make one of my own.

~Thank You~

And yes, you will see the final three completed pieces in the next three blog entries I publish.

More Imaged work!

This entry was published without editing as I am suffering from the flu. Apologies if it makes very little sense or none at all.

It seems so very long ago that I completed these cards. I suppose in a way it was. The Star was completed in May 2009 and The World in March 2009. Looking back on my entries is very interesting as I didn't post much about the Star painting and absolutely nothing about The World. Of course, at that point I didn't know much about marketing my work and how to let people know exactly why I was creating it. I suppose, at the time, I was just making it for myself, without considering that my blog readers might have an interest in the process or the meaning.

I suppose now is as good a time as any to redeem myself, as I certainly hope I've come a long way from then. I know I can see how my painting has improved, at least, although I still have a great fondness for both of these cards. The originals reside in Canada and I do miss having them on my wall, although if someone were to love one of them enough to want it on their wall I wouldn't object.

But I digress. This is to get the meaning across, to share my motivation and to explain why I painted these two cards in the way I did.

As it was the first of the two which I completed I will start with The World. In the Major Arcana this is the 21st of 22 cards starting at 0. It's suitable that this is the final card of the Major Arcana as it's meaning is a sense of completion. It represents unity and accomplishment. This is shown by the universal symbol of a circle, in this case, the Earth. Traditionally it also includes Leo, Taurus, Scorpio and Aquarius. These are representative of energy, matter, time and space, respectively. As I wanted to have only one animal used in the symbolism of this card I chose to portray these four as stars.

My choice to use a turtle was two fold. I see them as extremely wise, steady creatures. This is a very powerful and wise card and I see turtles as very serene, strong animals. I am also a huge fan of Terry Pratchett, so this is a nod to him.

My design for The Star is one of my personal favourites. I originally drew this dragon as an idea for a tattoo. I chose to have a tattoo artist design the dragon which is now happily displayed on my left shin, but I still loved the dragon I'd originally drawn and wanted to put it to good use. Because the Star is such a wonderfully comforting card, and because I have always drawn and written about dragons from a place of fond childhood memories, it seemed a suitable choice.

This card is about the future, but not what is going to happen or not happen. It's about the pure simple fact that everything will be O.K. It's representative of hope and the knowledge that tomorrow is another day. This is something I've found to be an extremely important lesson in my life to date. Nothing is forever can seem like a very scary realisation, but in this card it is meant to be a great comfort. Nothing, no matter how uncomfortable, heartbreaking or difficult is forever and the future stretches before us as pure potential.

Both of these cards are available to purchase through my website. You may purchase the original(s) or get a print, poster or card. Despite my earlier miffed musings about RedBubble I have decided that for now it will be the way to go. I am looking into building my own site where I can sell the prints directly without a middle-man, but that's in the future. The bright, beautiful future.

Love

In the Tarot deck the sixth card is usually called 'The Lovers' but, halfway through painting this one, I found some history on it. Originally it was just love, which I think still suits it best. This card isn't about two people. This card is about passion. It's about a passion for life, knowing what you love and going after it. It can be love for another person, but it can also be love for a place, a career, a memory...anything. Pure, genuine, true love.

When I started painting these cards it was because I love tarot and I wanted to explore all the symbolic meanings in the cards whilst giving them my own twist. As I worked on these lovely dolphins, and reflected on how each card has suited where I currently seem to be on a personal level, it occurred to me that they all have a strong Buddhist undercurrent. As I've studied them more and more I've realised this entire project has become an exploration of parallels in different belief systems. No matter how you package it, the way to live a good life is universal.

I've come to realise that tarot cards don't tell you anything you don't already know. They just make it obvious. Buddhism is based on mindfulness, self awareness, being in the moment and accepting what is simply as it is, without conditioning it. Tarot cards don't tell us that something will or won't happen. They just show us exactly where we are. Meditation is about being exactly where we are, in the present moment.

I have eight cards left in the major arcana. I will finish them when I finish them. I will learn what they have to teach me.

Why Molly Gordon is on my list of Mighty Women

My psychologist has been more than just a mental health practitioner. She's also been a business coach. She almost always ends our sessions with a flurry of links, names and book titles that may or may not help me to market my work, find inspiration and lead the life I want. I haven't always followed the links right off or been motivated to get to the library and take out a specific title, but eventually, if I was meant to, I've taken the time to see just what she was going on about.

One such recommendation was for Molly Gordon, who keeps a marvellous blog, which she also sends out as a regular online newsletter. I'm not usually a fan of the e-newsletter since they generally have too much going on in them and ultimately they only serve to clog my inbox.

But this one is different. It's thought provoking, quick to read but also hugely helpful. Her last one was all about shining.

It was apt as lately I've not been feeling particularly shiny or full of *glee*. In fact, I've been feeling anything but confident, which tends to scare the crap out of me.

But her newsletter tends to serve as a reminder and it almost always seems to coincide with where I'm at and what current 'swift kick' I require. The funny thing about this most recent one, which is about finding one little thing to do to remind you of your role, to build your confidence and remember who you are, is I didn't read it until today but I did the 'homework' this week.

Typically we are our own worst critic. I think that when it comes to creativity people assume this means that, as an artist, we are most critical of our own work. I have occasionally thought something I'd done has been absolute rubbish, but I'd say 85% of the time I am extremely satisfied with the outcome of my art. I love my paintings and I love sharing them with the world.

Where I become critical is in my ability to prioritise. I tend to beat myself up for little things like not updating my blog frequently enough, not finishing a painting in the timeline I thought it would take, not going on twitter often enough to promote links to my available prints. I could keep listing all the reasons I sometimes feel that I'm just not doing 'enough' but I know it doesn't help anything. The idea of 'enough' is relative anyway and I've yet to meet someone who wasn't surprised at how quickly I get things done. Most of the time I'm surprised at how quickly I get things done, which might be why I'm disappointed if this doesn't happen.

What it all boils down to is learning to let go of that attachment to a specific, pre-determined timeline and lowering my expectations so when I look back on a week, instead of seeing everything I didn't do, everything I did stands out proudly.

Like this week:

I painted for three hours, starting and nearly finishing a single tarot card.

I began sketching another tarot card.

I updated my blog.

I attended the Queer Perspectives talk at the NPG

I went to the sketch class at the NPG

So I would say I shone quite a lot this past week. I shine quite a lot most days, even if I find it difficult to see. I think we can all find it challenging to see what we accomplish in our day to day lives when we focus too much on how we didn't do something we'd wanted to do. So please remember that you are a brilliant star in your own universe and remember the ever so clever Oscar Wilde quote below, which is credited to another mighty woman, the talented Maggi Hambling.

Death

In Tarot the Death Card represents change.

In three days I will be boarding a plane to London. I'll be spending ten days there, getting job interviews and finding a foothold for my January departure.

Two months ago I got fed up with working for someone else and began working for myself. I launched my Etsy site and began dedicating my personal time to my artwork and writing. I shifted my way of thinking to seeing my art as my job, as a potential source of income and as a path I could choose to walk.

Two months from now I will have a new home in a different country. I will have a new source of income to sustain me and I will be meeting new people.

A year ago my life was a blank slate. It was unknown entities and it was pure potential.

A year from now I have no way of determining what I'll be doing or who I am.

In this moment, all I know is that change is inevitable, beautiful, terrifying, perfect, to be expected and what makes life worth living.

The thirteenth card in a Tarot deck...the eighth card I've completed painting.

Tarot Cards pt. 1

I got my first deck of Tarot cards from one of my best friends. The beautiful artwork of tarot had always inspired me and it was after I discovered my talent for doing large scale paintings that I thought I might try my hand at painting tarot cards that I could hang on my wall.

This piece is my latest one and my new re-attempt to begin the deck. I've done many card paintings int he past but I did them for someone else and I've decided to only do them for myself from now on. This is the High Priestess card, represented with my first cat cat, muse and companion, Gummitch. I brought her home when I was oen and she decided to stay. She was my first best friend and a great inspiration to me. She died at 21, a well loved and spoiled creature. This card represents knowledge, spirituality, the supernatural and self growth and discovery.

The pictures uploaded out of order but you can see the sketch and the progress of filling it in. It was a lot of fun to paint. I always do research into the various symbols represented on each card I paint. I chose to make the pillars twisted, gnarled trees instead of marble posts. The torah seems to be one of the symbols that cannot be lef tout of the card and I really liked balancing it's placement ont he canvas with the swirl of the rainbow. The moon was probably my favourite thing to paint as it's somethign i've wanted to do for a while now.

I'm currently working on The Fool and The World and the next oen i plan to do is the Lovers.