I definitely feel that my foundations have been shaken up, a few knocked down and better ones are being built in their place.
The biggest development in my life at the moment has been the move from temp to full-time. I haven't really mentioned on my blog what pays the bills because it's not really me and of little importance. It has been a job, there to provide a pay cheque and little else. I think I've come to expect working for anyone else to always mean that I'm going to be no more than a body filling a role, performing a function. Any ideas or initiative I've had have gone unnoticed or actively squashed. Other than my role at the Youth Animation Project and my first job out of High School I have not been in a work environment that cared to foster my skills, my passions and my goals.
The big shift that has occurred with this job is that it no longer feels like it doesn't tie in with my creative side. My role is shifting and with it comes a strong sense of freedom. I may be working for someone else but they actually recognise me for who I am. They recognise what I can offer as an artist and a writer, not just as someone with strong organisational skills and a decent work ethic.
It's a nice feeling, being appreciated in this way. I don't feel like this is just a pay cheque anymore. It's starting to feel like an opportunity, a place for me to try new skills and strengthen the old. And if anything, it's becoming something that is tearing down a lot of ideas I had about myself. I once told my partner that I feel unemployable because I always have an opinion and even if I go to great lengths to express it in an open and honest way, it's been met with resistance. It has gotten me into trouble and made me feel as if I was wrong for suggesting improved or different ways of doing things for the sake of productivity. I'd given up on ever being given a chance to grow within the confines of a corporation or business, accepting that the only way I was going to do what I love would be to do it all on my own.
I like surprises. I like having someone tell me they have confidence in me and that they want to see what I'm going to do. I like hearing that what I'm going to learn at Chelsea can be applied in a professional setting right away. I like hearing that it's in the interest of my employer to encourage my skills and talents for my benefit as much as theirs.
The best part is knowing that my creative expression won't just be limited to painting and writing on my evenings and weekends. I'm even more excited about this course now as a result of this new recognition and encouragement.