A new year approaches

2013 is nearly upon us. In some places it's already here.

Remember, above the clouds,
the sky is always blue. 

I love the feeling I get in January. The year stretches before me as a blank canvas, full of potential.  I have some goals, some plans and a few ideas in place, but I don't know exactly what the year will bring. When I look back on the year just passed I'm often amazed at the shear volume of experiences I've had. 

It wasn't always this way for me. For a few years at least, my life was actually quite monotonous. I still accomplished things but for a time I gave up on a lot of things - travel, writing, art, the pure joy of learning. For anyone who knows me well I know this is difficult to imagine but for those who knew me then they know exactly what I'm talking about.

I sometimes suspect that I throw myself into so many projects not just for the joy of it and because I'm allergic to procrastination, but to make up for the 'lost' years. It's motivated me to travel, to learn, and this past year, to really work on my writing.

But my desire to accomplish so much can also mean that I forget to take time to be in the moment. I want to accomplish so much and I appreciate that life is unpredictable so I don't want to put off anything I can do now. The result can be that I stretch myself a little too thin and towards the end of this year that's exactly what I'd been doing. I know too, as January and the end of the Christmas/New Year break approaches, that life will resume it's fast pace and I'll once again be at risk of having too much on my plate.

I've made some big decisions for 2013, most importantly the decision to publish a book, given that it's been a dream of mine since childhood. I'm also going to be taking an adventurous trip to Japan, developing my design portfolio (I'm looking for work!), and continuing to submit my young adult fiction manuscripts to agents.

The other big decision of 2013 is for my to do some more studying. I don't think there is any excuse for ignorance in this day and age. With sites like Google or Lynda.com, learning a new skill is at our fingertips and I've never shied away from just finding something out. But I'm going for some more official qualifications and will be studying Psychology and Philosophy on a part-time basis. Not to mention the British Sign Language course I've been in since September.

It does sound like a lot and I know that I am, once again, at risk of being spread too thin. But I'm aware of this and keeping positive and open to all these different opportunities and adventures.

When I look back at 2012 I catch myself feeling a sense of disbelief that some of the things I've done or experiences have only been in the last year. It's been quite a year. You can accomplish a lot in 365 days. 

I don't know exactly what the next 365 will bring but as you can see, I have a lot planned for it. Planning is good, but being able to let go, change your mind and take life as it comes is just as important. I could say I'm looking forward to it but I'd rather not because I rather just keep in mind that I'm here, right now, and if I'm going to live the life I love then I'd better enjoy it as it's happening. 

May your 2013 be full of opportunity, change, and adventure. May you love the life you live and take every opportunity that you can. May you have fun, be challenged, and learn new things. 

Happy New Year. 

Design, design, design!

One of my first submissions for 99Designs

An idea for a consultation company that helps the growth of small businesses and/or charities

A commissioned logo for a an IT consultant

I'm officially a designer for hire! At the moment I'm working on expanding my portfolio as a lot of my design work has been done for a single charity, but I've got loads of experience with marketing and design as well as a digital design course from Chelsea College of Art and Design under my belt. 

As an artist my favourite pieces have been those I've done as a commission or as gifts for friends or family members. I love creating my own work but I always seem to enjoy it more when I'm making it for someone else. It's a combination of my imagination and style with their personality and the results are always well received. 

This ability to communicate another person's idea or personality is probably the most important to have as a designer. My previous experience involved working without a brief more often than not, so I often had to really engage the people I was working with to ensure that I was creating something that was in line with their vision. 

I really enjoy doing layout work with InDesign and have spent the last few months dabbling in logo design, as Illustrator is pretty much my favourite program ever. 

In January I'm going to be making a special offer on my design work. I'll be announcing it in my first newsletter of 2013. 

In the mean time, if you'd like to find out more or commission something (I really like doing Social Media backgrounds/images) you can get in touch through the contact form on my website. 

Too Much Air-time

It's important to get stuff off your chest. Bottling things up doesn't help and if anything it will only compound an issue until it ends up blowing up into something much bigger - that old 'Mountains out of Molehills' adage.

But letting off steam is different from constant complaining. Letting off steam is releasing something and then letting it go. A kettle doesn't suck the steam back in when it's done boiling.

Constant complaining involves revisiting the same thing repeatedly. For example, if you find the behaviour of someone you know particularly irksome so you repeatedly air your frustrations with them to anyone who will listen.

They certainly may be doing different things that you find annoying, frustrating and bothersome, but your general complaining is bound to be the same old thing regardless of their behaviour.

Sometimes I can let it go really easily. I am able to reflect on the behaviour of others and I know that I can't change them, I can only change myself.

That might mean letting go of a friend or no longer following someone on Facebook. It might mean learning to just shrug something off because really, it's probably no big deal.

But occasionally I come across someone who really gets under my skin. I find them so frustrating that I'm baffled and I find myself repeating my frustration to anyone who will listen.

Fortunately, I am surrounded by some very wonderful friends and family who are really good at pointing this out to me. Mostly it involves a lot of eye rolling and looking bored because, even if it's a new 'shocking' thing the person has done to annoy me, I'm still being annoyed - again.

I think learning how to be responsible for our own moods regardless of the behaviour or actions of others is probably one of the most difficult lessons in life. It's not easy to accept and remember that we are each responsible for ourselves and how we feel, think and act is entirely our choice.

A lot of it involves changing the way I think about something. I don't like the idea that someone I don't really like or respect is getting so much of my time and energy. When I catch myself mid-whine I pause and just think, "You are giving them way too much air-time."

Feels like the whole world should have changed - Kait's Mixtape

"I've still got sand in my shoes."

- Dido

Dido really got it right - I've never returned from a holiday without feeling like everything should be different. It's a bit like the feeling I get on January first when the new year stretches ahead of me like a blank canvas full of potential.

Generally, when I return from holiday, I do have this burst of energy for new projects. I think the effect of doing nothing, and in the case of the last seven days, unplugging entirely, gives me a chance to clear my mind and refocus. This is the first time I've touched my computer since November 28th and I have to say, the break from the screen was incredibly refreshing.

I was reluctant to turn it on, and not because I know I've got a few hundred emails and notifications, but because I know I'll soon be back into the pattern of being online more often than I'm actually outside enjoying the world.

It is winter and once the Christmas rush dies down the shortened days, lack of sunlight and general chill of it all tends to send me a bit off kilter unless I have something to get stuck into. So I'm glad of this holiday and the particular focus it has given me.

I am, of course, working on the final editing and layout of my book so it will be ready for publication in March, but that involves an awful lot of time on the computer. Which is why I've been looking for a new art project.

When I finished my tarot cards many people asked if I was going to continue on with the minor cards to complete the deck or if I had something new up my sleeve. At the time my energy was shifted entirely into my writing and art, be it sculpture, painting or design, took a back burner.

My art is something which has always allowed me to relax and I enjoy it because it's a way for me to share my experience of the world. Music, and in particular the lyrics which accompany music, have always been a huge part of my life. As I thought about Dido's perfect lines which capture exactly how I feel about a holiday (I do indeed still have sand in my shoes) I have been thinking about the wisdom I find in the lyrics that I love the best.

I recently decided to pull out my pencil crayons and give them a bit of a go just for the pure enjoyment of it. I happened to be listening to a song which I feel expresses the importance of remembering that we are each capable of so very much and how important it is to be your own best friend. I like what I came up with and have decided I'd very much like to do a series of different pieces that select snatches of lyrics combined with my own style of creativity and expression.

I'm not giving myself a deadline for it as the deadline of the book is enough and starting in January I'm going to be doing some part-time study simply because I can. This will be my art for the sake of art - my way of unplugging when I'm not on holiday - and hopefully something which you will enjoy too.

"Make a Noise" A4 Bristol board, pencil crayon, pencil and ink

50,104 Words in 25 days

In the middle of October I came across National Novel Writing Month through a fellow blogger's blog. I decided writing 50,000 words in thirty days would be good fun!

I've written several novels, five young adult fiction and one non-fiction, but never in just thirty days. This challenge of quantity over quality would be a new one for me but one which I was quite excited to take.

Fortunately I have a two hour commute three days a week, which makes for prime writing time. An hour in the morning and an hour in the evening plus the occasional hour or two as and when I could fit them in.

I started out strong, completing over double the 1,600 word daily target they set through the NaNoWriMo website. For the first few weeks it looked like I was going to be just fine with pushing through to 50K, but about mid-way through I started to flag.

Difficulty in keeping up momentum is why the novels I've written previously were completed over several years. Often I'd write the first half, hit a giant block, and just stop. Not with NaNoWriMo this isn't part of the plan. The aim is to get those words down, no matter what. I had to push through writer's block and feeling like what I was writing was probably crap, until I gained the momentum again.

My writing definitely moved in peaks and valleys and I have to admit, on the 20th of the month I feared I wouldn't make it or, that I would complete the novel without having hit 50,000 words. the average fiction novel is about 47,000 words so this wouldn't be unreasonable, but 50K was the aim so I persevered.

I'm happy to say that I completed my goal on the 25th of November, rounding my novel off in a way that I was satisfied with which also surpassed the target ever so slightly.

My experience of this was interesting as I found many friends, family and co-workers who had either participated before or were doing it that year for the first, second or third time. The general impression I got was that most of us have a novel inside us. We have characters, a plot, and loads of ideas. But we lack the motivation to just start writing it.

Something puts us off - feeling we're not prepared enough or that we don't know how to start. I don't know if I'll participate in NaNoWriMo again but what I do know is it's taught me the importance of getting it down. There is no ideal time to start or right way to go about it. It's about just going for it and I'm happy to say that I did. As a result I finished a novel in just twenty-five days and I have to say, that feels like something to be proud of.

A Cultured Mouse

I attended a concert conducted by the delightful Sue Perkins. It was held at the Barbican, a London venue I've often read about but not been to before. It's a sprawling building with multiple auditoriums. The atmosphere was festive and the evening's music proved to be very delightful. Sue's energy was fantastic and despite having a restricted view, we had front row seats that still afforded us a decent enough view of half the orchestra.

There was some bonus entertainment during the night in the form of a mouse. The little creature was under the edge of the stage and during the second half of the performance it began peaking out and attempting to make it's way across the floor to get out one of the fire exit doors. The problem with this plan was all of us sitting in the front row, including one woman who had an obvious fear of the small creature as her legs involuntarily jumped the first five or six times the mouse made an appearance.

Soon, however, the woman relaxed and the mouse almost became a part of the performance. The poor wee thing was missing one of it's hind feet and it did the sweetest little sideways run when it emerged from the shadows of the stage. It ran up and down the length of the stage on the side we were sat and proved to be a source of entertainment and delight for several other concert goers.

I have to say, whilst it was brilliant to see Sue Perkins conduct, and whilst the delightful music of Tchaikovsky definitely began putting me in a Christmas mood, it was probably the antics of the little cultured mouse that most made that evening for me.

Priorities

The following video is best watched in the context of the Me First life coaching site I set up about this time last year.

When I set out to establish myself as a life coach I took the plunge whole heartedly. I believe that putting yourself out there is the best way to find out if something will work or not. Part of figuring this sort of thing out involves the trial and error experience of trying different approaches to an idea or project.

I have come to the conclusion that a new approach is needed for several reasons.

1. I'm publishing a book in March, which will be quite an undertaking and requires a lot of time and energy.

2. I don't want to risk spreading myself too thin. I believe it's good to do a variety of different things to keep life interesting but important to find balance. By taking on too much I risk depleting my energy and not performing very well at any of my projects.

3. I want to integrate my coaching into what I'm already doing with Faunawolf Creations as a Creative Specialist.

The video below explains all of this and will be up on my other site for the time being. I am still offering one to one coaching through www.faunawolfcreations.com and expanding my services to include bookings for classes - like learning to sculpt with polymer clay, character design, or mask making, for example.

So toodle on over to www.FaunawolfCreations.com! 

You can subscribe to my new e-Newsletter (Don't worry, if you were subscribed to Me First you'll be switched to the new mailing list), keep up to date through my twitter and facebook accounts, and keep reading my blog. 

400th Blog Entry!!!

When people ask me “what do you do?” I get overwhelmed as I find it difficult to offer them an answer that is brief but also explains the breadth of my professional activity. Lately this has become a greater challenge as I’ve been working on my life coaching, still doing all my creative tasks and working part-time at a charity. 

To resolve this I sat down and really thought about how I want to answer that question, regardless of what I’m spending my time on or where my primary source of income is coming from. The only job title which I’ve ever truly loved and embraced is Creative Specialist. 

I specialise in being creative. I sculpt, write, paint, animate, design, and draw. I am happiest when I am making something for someone and happiest when I have a creative project to get properly stuck into. 

For the last few weeks I’ve been stuck into writing and illustrating a book. It is the first non-fiction book I’ve completed and it’s on the subject of wisdom. Wisdom is not directly related to how long a person has lived but what they have learned from the many experiences they’ve had. This is a handbook for cultivating wisdom, regardless of your age, and it’s going to be published in March, 2013. 

I’m not entirely sure on the exact date just yet, but for my 400th blog entry I wanted to announce something really exciting! There’s not specific reason for me to get excited about my 400th blog entry. It’s just a nice looking number, really, and as I’ve missed any anniversaries, it seemed like a good time to celebrate this blog and show my appreciation to all of you who read it. 

In celebration of 400 entries and the release of my book in March, I am going to be holding a draw. You are invited to sign up to my brand new Faunawolf Creations E-Newsletter, which will arrive in your inbox once a month and no more, I promise. Everyone who signs up between now and February 2013 will be entered into a draw to win a signed copy of ‘Wise At Any Age’ when it is released in March. 

I’m also holding a ReTweeting contest for those of you who regularly read my blog via twitter. Everyone who ReTweets this entry will be entered into a draw to win a signed limited edition print of one of my Tarot Card paintings. 

And if that wasn’t enough, to include those of you who support me through my Facebook Page, everyone who ‘shares’ the link to this entry will be entered into a draw to win an original Fanawolf Creations dragon. 

So, quite a few fabulous opportunities and all to say thank you for reading, commenting and sharing. This blog is a big part of my life and I really appreciate the support I get from all of my followers, fans and friends. I just wanted to thank you for it and whilst it would be brilliant to offer a prize to everyone, logistically it’s just not practical. Of course, there’s nothing to stop you from entering all three draws! 

And here's to the next 400 entries! *raises glass in a toast*

Learn to meditate

I write quite a bit about meditation, its benefits and why I am a firm believer in working it into my daily life.

My passion for this incredible tool has led me to running introductory meditation classes this month, the first being this Friday. I want to dispel the myths around it, so it's open to people who have tried meditation but might be struggling a bit, as well as those who want to give it a go for the first time.

In the class I'll cover posture, focusing on the breath, and open it up to some discussion about the reasons for meditation. I am taking a very relaxed approach because I believe everyone can meditate and it shouldn't be intimidating or inaccessible. It's also extremely personal so this will be an opportunity to explore what works for you and how you might be able to fit it into your day to day life.

Places are still available so if you'd like to learn how to meditate register for one of the two days now.

It's November! Why not write a novel?

It's November! And thanks to Lorca Damon, I've signed myself up to NaNoWriMo. I believe it's called that because typing 'National Novel Writing Month' repeatedly would tire out even the most fastidious of bloggers.

I also realise that National implies it happens in one nation but evidently Amazon has decided that the Internet counts as a nation and therefore anyone on the Interweb, regardless of location, can sign up.

That's right, anyone can sign up. Even you. So - if you've ever wanted to write a novel you can start right now! For the entire month there is a lovely community of people also writing novels that you can tap into for inspiration, support, ideas and motivation.

I have never attempted writing a novel in a single month. Most of my novels have been written over several years, sometimes with months or years of not writing in between starting and finishing. Getting 50,000 words down in just 30 days will be a different challenge for me but one I'm happy to jump on. 

Whether you've written a novel before or not, this is a great opportunity because there are going to be so many others doing the same thing who will be connected to you through the NaNoWriMo website. No excuses - if you've always wanted to write a novel, what's stopping you from signing up and starting right now?

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Hallowe'en shenanigans!

Hallowe'en is in just a few days. I was on the ball this year with my costume making. Since moving to London I've found my resources are greatly reduced. In Calgary I had a very tiny room in the house I live in that I used as a studio. This allowed me to get quite mucky on a regular basis and have multiple projects going at once. It also allowed me plenty of storage space for scraps of material, bits of chicken wire, and other crafty stuff that worked well for costume design.

Just before I move to London I also made a big effort to purge my life of 'unneccesary' stuff. Anything I hadn't touched in a year was either thrown out, donated to charity or gifted to friends, depending on the state of it.

What I could bring over was stuffed into two large suitcases that couldn't weigh more than 50lbs each and everything else was put into storage to await my eventual (possibly, maybe) return.

I did keep a few things but they're all in Canada. I also had a pretty good list of stores where I could source supplies from and of course, I had that space in which to work.

Since coming to the UK my costume making has become far less fulfilling. I still have all the same great ideas and enthusiasm, but finding the space hasn't been successful. Regardless, this year I decided to get started sooner rather than later.

The first step was deciding on what I wanted to be. I have a long list of costume to make, and eventually I will when the time is right, but I knew that most of them were far too ambitious given a current lack of funds. Whatever it was would be clever and creative but also simple. 

I opened up my Book of Faeries - a childhood favourite and one of the few books I simply had to bring with me from Canada - and scanned the pages for inspiration. I considered Jenny Greenteeth but didn't immediately warm to it when I considered how I'd go about it. I scanned the pixies, although Pixie King has already been a costume I've done and I seek to do something different every year.

And then I saw the Phooka, an Irish Goblin that likes to shape shift into animal forms and often has the head of a goat. This reminded me of 'Snuff' the latest Discworld novel from Terry Pratchett, which also features goblins. Perfect. 

So, this Hallowe'en my costume is that of a Goblin. I'm quite pleased with the outcome. I've been commissioned to make the occasional costume for others and would love to do it again. If you like what you see visit www.FaunawolfCreations.com to find out about commissioning work from me.

First I build the basic shape of the mask on my face using plaster cast.
I use warm water so it will dry faster as the entire thing is done on my face
in one go so the sooner it dries, the less time I have to wear it. 

This is a new to me material - one of the problems with making plaster masks is that
they end up weighing quite a bit. I figured I could give this a go as it's a light, foamy material
and it air dries. The initial mask I did didn't work as, when it dries, it also expands the
plaster so it no longer fit my face. 

After some careful sculpting I have covered the entire plaster base with the Fimo.
I did a single layer all over and then built up the eyebrows, nose and lip.
I added the horns and ears last. 

When it was dry (24 hours later) I painted it using acrylic.
You can see that I still had some side expansion but it still fits nicely so I'm not worried. 

And voila! My goblin face is complete! 

I got the vest in a charity shop and
picked up some faux-fur (Just half a metre) to make the loin cloth.
The brown 'body suit' is a cheap set of leggings with a tight fitting shirt.
I used a little acrylic paint to add the muscles.

For more of my artwork visit www.faunawolfcreations.com

The Choices We Have

I am the proud fur-mother to three delightful cats. They provide me with comfort and fill my life with joy and love. I adore each of them for their individual personalities and quirks.

I love them unconditionally. They bring home smaller creatures they have caught, sometimes still alive, at inconvenient times like 3am, when I'd rather be sleeping. They track mud into the house and leave crumbs in my bedding and fluff all over everything I own. They occasionally claw the carpet or the furniture. 

These things do not bother me for two important reasons: 

1. I adore having fur-children, the company they provide and the delight I feel when I spend time with them. 

2. They are cats and it is in a cat's nature to kill small things, run around outside, roll in dirt, shed fur and claw things. They cannot help how they were made and having a cat is a choice I made and one I made because of the reasons listed in reason #1. 

In short, you can't get angry at a kitten for being a kitten. 

I've written on this subject before but I felt like revisiting it for a few reasons. 

I believe that the world is made better through the practice of compassion and that compassion is found through empathy - our ability to understand someone else's experience regardless of our own. 

I also believe that we do the best we can with what we know. Therefore, it's not unreasonable to apply the thought that you 'can't get angry at a kitten for being a kitten' to your neighbour, or that terrible driver who cut you off, or a random stranger on the tube. 

I want to be very clear, however, that I am not excusing ill behaviour. If someone causes us pain, physically or emotionally, their actions are still not deemed "O.K." purely because they didn't know any better. Their lack of skill is not an excuse - but it is a reason. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about this because it's so very easy for us to judge a person by their actions without seeing the many experiences and consequences which led them to behave the way they do. If I'm ever struggling in this department I like to keep this phrase in mind: 

No one does anything because they want to feel worse. 

Human beings don't like suffering. This is a plain fact of life. When we look around us we can see proof of it all over the place. We care a lot about what other people think of us. We care about our health. We want to be comfortable, safe, warm, full, and happy. We strive for it. 

So when someone does something which we might find offensive, appalling, or downright mean, remember: They're not trying to make themselves feel worse. They're just not going about making themselves feeling better in a particularly effective way. 

The choice we have is how we choose to act in the face of 'a kitten just being a kitten'. We might not be able to change how someone else chooses to behave but we always have a choice when it comes to our own behaviour as long as we are paying attention. To pay attention means to recognise when something isn't particularly resourceful or effective. 

If an action, a phrase or a particular behaviour is going to make a situation worse or perpetuate an already difficult situation, we have the choice to change our own response. It's not an easy task but it's definitely worth doing if it means we become better able to handle the general bumps of life. 

What do you think? Can you think of a particular time when you were able to change your own way of thinking or behaving so that a difficult situation could be resolved or diffused? 

Please comment below! 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

How to Sculpt a Hare

I was very fortunate as a child to have extremely artistic and crafty parents. My dad is a very good sketch artist and incredibly talented wood worker and photographer. My mum is an amazing writer, storyteller and painter. When I was a kid my mum actually taught ceramics classes in the basement of our house - something you probably couldn't do now-a-days - which were open to neighbourhood kids and retired women.

Our basement was always full of a multitude of different ceramic pieces for her students to buy and paint and my mum had everything from glaze to acrylic to chalk. Because she had glaze, and because she used greenware (unfired ceramics) my mum also had a kiln. 

Having a kiln really was one of the coolest things which I most appreciated after I graduated from High School and still wanted to work with clay.

Moving to London has meant leaving behind the advantages of access to my parent's extremely well kitted out basement (My dad has a table and ban saw) and therefore having to think outside the box when it comes to my creative endeavours.

I love sculpting and truly, of all the art forms I've come to embrace, it has been the one I have the most passion for. Recently this love has turned into a sort of frustrated energy as I lack the space and resources to do the sculpture I did when I lived in Canada and only a five minute drive from a free kiln. I set out to find a material I could use to satiate this desire which wasn't as expensive as a polymer clay as I wanted to do something larger. In fact, I'd really love to do an incredibly large scale sculpture, in the realm of Henry Moore although not abstract, but for now that remains something on my To Do list for life.

Through just a small bit of research I was able to locate non-firing clay at a suitable price which would be delivered to my door. I promptly ordered it and then, upon receipt, popped it into my art supply drawer and left it for some weeks.

I knew I waned to sculpt but I wasn't sure what and I was still restricted by a lack of suitable studio space to get properly mucky in. In my experience creative energy tends to build and build until it becomes either nervous energy which keeps me from sleeping or it spills over and I am forced to create and stop making excuses about the space I have. 

On a particularly lovely day my energy peaked and I rapidly set myself up outside with a bowl of water and my lump of clay. And this is what I made.

The initial structure. I let the clay dry a bit after I got this far
so I could make modifications which would hold in place
as I don't like using wireframes. 

I left it to dry for some hours before adding the legs.
The body needed to be firm enough to hold it's own weight
as the legs are quite narrow. 

A view from the front after the legs were finished.
I made sure the clay was less wet when I was working with it.
Soggy clay tends to 'wilt' and often whole sculptures will
collapse on themselves. 

After a week of drying. For non-firing clay it's best to
let it dry slowly so I'd kept it loosely covered in cling film. 

The finished product. After it's dry you can paint it with pretty much
anything you like and then use a sealing spray.
In this case I painted it with acrylic. 

I'm really pleased with this piece as it's the largest I've ever sculpted out of clay
and given that it was my first time working with non-firing clay I think I managed all right. 

To see more of my artwork or to order a custom piece visit 

www.FaunawolfCreations.com 

If you want to learn how to motivate yourself to do your own creative projects visit www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Falling

Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?

I certainly have. It's terrifying, isn't it? You're going along, living your life as you expected you would, looking into a future you've had planned out for some time when suddenly you get blind-sided. You find yourself tumbling forward into an abyss which seems bottomless. You reach out to catch something or someone, anything at all to stop the downward plunge, only to find that there is nothing in reach.

It is terrifying. But it's also a brilliant place to be.

When life takes you by surprise - delivers the unexpected - it's an opportunity for growth. Sometimes it might be a small thing like your car breaking down on a busy road on the way to work. This is a chance to practice patience. To see how resourceful you can be in a stressful situation, test your ability to solve the issue at hand, to be patient with the inconvenience, to accept that some things will be beyond your control.

Sometimes it's going to be significantly larger. Your partner of several years leaves you. Your employer makes you redundant. You're in a skiing accident which leaves both your legs in full casts.

Everything is unhinged and any plans or expectations you had for the future will suddenly be uncertain, or impossible. These situations can be upsetting, challenging and difficult but they are not without benefit.

Life will always have difficulties - this is an unarguable fact. How we choose to respond in the face of the unavoidable is entirely up to us.

When life takes us on unexpected and unplanned turns it's an opportunity to open up to more choices, to see things from a different perspective, or to change the way we think.

It's also a wonderful way to see our strengths. When we are challenged we get to see where we need to do more work, but we can also see where we are incredibly strong, resilient or skilled.

The choice of how we respond is always ours. We can take our circumstances in stride or we can wallow. Personally, wallowing just makes me feel a bit gross. I might have a few sympathetic shoulder pats from the occasional person who will listen to me whinge, but int he long term I won't feel any better and will probably end up making myself feel worse in the long run than I did initially.

I've come to love falling. Not that I go looking for adversity but I'm not afraid to take a step into the unknown. That would be why I decided to move to London nearly three years ago. I didn't have a set idea of what would happen but I was willing to find out. Believe me, it has been an incredible adventure and one I wouldn't change for the world.

Ready to take the leap yourself? www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Relax! It's only life after all.

I love First World Problem memes but not just because they're amusing. They also remind me of something really important: Not to take myself so seriously.

When we take ourselves too seriously it means we're clinging really hard to an idea or thought. I can always tell if I'm taking myself too seriously because I'll get worked up over something pretty small.

If my phone stops working or my computer crashes, it won't affect my health. It might annoy me, if I let it, but when I tag 'first world problem', to the end of a complaint it diffuses the energy it might carry. It's no longer a significant problem because it puts it into perspective. 

I totally recommend this as a great tool to help you relax and let go of things which, really, are of very little consequence.

Your problems are still your problems, but it's a nice reminder that most of the problems we experience are not a threat to our overall wellbeing. I'm not starving, I'm well clothed, I have more than adequate shelter, I have regular income, I have lots of love in my life. With all these needs met, any problem we face should be taken in stride. When we have our basic needs met, we can appreciate that this in itself goes a long way to helping us live happy, fulfilled lives.

Happy Thanksgiving. May you be grateful for all that you have. 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Cultivating wisdom

Two weeks ago I put the finishing touches onto a manuscript I’ve been working on in one form or another for over a three years now. Last week I posted it off and now I wait, in six weeks time, to hear from the first two agents I’ve chosen. 

The book is my first non-fiction piece (Most of my writing is young adult fiction) and it was initially inspired by my own experience with anxiety, depression, a mental breakdown and heartbreak. 

In my life thus far I have encountered many people suffering due to the stresses of modern life - scrambling to find happiness as though it were a physical thing we could hold or something we could build or buy. I have also had many experiences in which I was able to feel great compassion for people from entirely different backgrounds because I could recognise our shared human experience of emotion. 

This compassion and the belief I have that growing it will benefit myself and others is why I am so passionate about being a life coach. It’s also why I chose to write this book. I have an insatiable desire to help those around me and I believe that all human beings, everywhere, are capable and deserving of happy, content lives. I also believe that the way to attain this is through the cultivation of wisdom. 

Wisdom is on a deeper level than knowledge, which is something I discuss in my book and something which I invite the reader to explore further. As someone seeking to cultivate wisdom I use a multitude of tools and recognise that each one works for a different reason and that not all tools will work for everyone. 

But I believe that everyone has the ability to grow their wisdom. In doing so we can all offer something to those around us, through our shared understanding of the world as it truly is. 

In the coming weeks I’ll be posting some examples of the artwork I’ll be including in my book to http://www.FaunawolfCreations.com/writing.html 

Following on from the cultivation of wisdom, I’m soon going to be offering meditation classes! I’m just confirming the dates and times and will be announcing the details in my next Newsletter. If you want to be the first to know (As space on this course will be limited) you can sign up for the Me First Newsletter. 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com 

Empathy

Language is always evolving and the English language is known for being exceptionally complex. This is probably because English has stolen so many words from a multitude of other languages and because it's evolved regionally as well. The classic example being American English vs. UK English (And please be aware that Canadian English is an interesting mix of the two but an entirely different version in its own right) or as it's commonly called 'The Queen's English.'

With so many differing opinions on what a word means or why it's no wonder a lack of clear and effective communication is one of the most common issues out there. First world problem, possibly, but a problem none-the-less.

My last two entries looked at the meaning and interpretation of generosity and I've been inspired to keep going along this thread. I spend a lot of time thinking about communication and how definitions of a word differ depending on who you talk to or what you are reading.

I recently finished reading 'The Psychopath Test' by Jon Ronson, who is probably better known for being the author of 'Men Who Stare At Goats'. In my opinion Jon's writing is conversational and utterly enjoyable and I found myself unable to put down 'The Psychopath Test'. I finished reading it within 24 hours, in fact.

But I did have a difference of opinion with him on the definition of a word based on how he used it. At one point in the book he interviewing a possible psychopath and he asks them about identifying with the experience of another person. To gain clarity the interviewee says, "Like sympathy?" to which Jon replies, "Yes."

To me sympathy is not identifying with the experience of another person. I have always seen sympathy as feeling sorry for someone or feeling bad about their situation. Sympathy is along  the lines of 'there, there.'

Empathy, however, is our ability to recognise and acknowledge our shared human experience of emotions. Empathy is a hearty 'I know how you feel.'

This is not to say that we relate directly to the experience of another person, but that we can acknowledge the emotions going on. 

I once worked for an organisation that supported youth living in or from care. By 'care' I mean the child welfare system. They came from a variety of backgrounds and had many different experiences in group homes, foster care, through adoption, or incarceration depending on the individual.

When I first started working there I was the only employee who had no direct experience of the child welfare system. I'd been hired because of my involvement in a volunteer project that built a website to help educate youth on the criminal justice system. My parents had been married for 30 years, I'd been born and raised in one house and I'd attended a total of four schools. My experience was nothing like that of a youth in care who may not know one or both parents, have been bounced from school to school and placement to placement, and have had to take on responsibilities well above what should be expected for their age.

At first I was really worried and high strung because I didn't think I'd be able to offer anything to the youth I was working with without coming off as sympathetic. I saw how much stigma a youth living in care faced and I didn't want to be adding to that.

I needn't have worried though because I quickly saw how I could identify with the stigma these youth were experiencing. No, I  didn't know what it was like to live in a group home with six other kids my age and rely on the government to 'parent' me. But I knew what it felt like to have people judge me based on a label rather than for the content of my character. I knew what it felt like to be limited by the assumptions of other people.

We all know feeling like frustration, disappointment, and sadness. Empathy is the ability we have to appreciate these feelings in another person because we know the effect they have. We are aware of our own happiness, grief, joy, anxiety, excitement, guilt, passion and anger. Empathy is when we are aware of the shared reality of these emotions.

What do you think? Empathy vs. sympathy and how these words are used? Do you agree? Add your comments below. 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Learning to say 'No'

In my last entry I wrote about generosity and how we can practice it in little ways day to day. The more we practice generosity the easier it will become, although we may notice at the beginning just how ungenerous we can be.

That's O.K. This is an opportunity for you to practice compassion for yourself. Acknowledge that you are ungenerous sometimes but don't beat yourself up about it. That's like hitting a dog to teach it how to sit. The dog will become confused, scared and possibly will sit but not for the right reasons. The motivation to be generous will come from seeing how it benefits you and the world around you. 

But we must be careful not to give too much. Being generous doesn't just mean giving change to a busker or offering your seat to someone on the bus. Being generous can also mean giving your time or energy to another. We can do this in many ways but it's important not to be taken advantage of. 

I was reading a forum the other day and someone had asked what they could do to help a friend of theirs who was always stuck in a rut. They said they'd spent a lot of time talking to them. They'd offered multiple solutions. They'd even accompanied their friend on several occasions to carry out a plan they'd discussed. But their friend continued to be depressed, downtrodden and generally miserable about things.

There were many responses on the forum but I felt the ones which were the most helpful were the ones which told them to walk away. When we are being generous we are offering help to another, through our kindness, our time, our ability to listen. But we can only help someone as much as they are willing to help themselves and at a certain point we must learn to say, "No." 

It is not selfish or wrong to say "No" to someone or something that drains us. If we feel morally, physically and emotionally drained by a job or a person, we owe it to ourselves to walk away. We do this because we, as much as anyone else, deserve our own love and compassion. We cannot be expected to practice compassion for those around us if we don't practice it for ourselves. We cannot be generous to those around us if we do not understand how to be generous to ourselves. 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Be Generous

There's a misconception that if you have a lot of money or stuff, then you must be greedy. You don't have to be rich to be greedy. I've met some really greedy people who lived paycheque to paycheque, barely able to survive on their income.

The opposite of greed isn't poverty. The opposite of greed is generosity. 

Greed is fuelled by the belief that if we only have more of something - more money, more time, more stuff - then we will be happy. When we act out of greed we act our of a belief that happiness is finite and that, if we don't get our slice, we will miss out.

To be generous is to recognise that happiness is an infinite thing. There is as much love, compassion and kindness in the world as we are willing to make. A generous person doesn't cling because a generous person appreciates the impermanence of all things anyway. Everything will change, everything will rise and grow and fade and die, and thus everything is cyclical. A circle has no beginning and no end.

To practice generosity is to understand that there is enough. To practice generosity is to let go of 'me' and 'mine' and embrace 'us' and 'we'.

We can practice generosity in so many ways. By pausing to hold a door for a mother with a stroller, or helping an elderly gentleman carry his shopping, or offering our seat on the train or bus to someone who looks obviously fatigued, we are acknowledging that our time is no more valuable than anyone elses. We are all equally deserving of compassion and kindness.

There are opportunities to be generous everywhere, every day. All we have to do is look for them.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

You can find it

No one lacks confidence. Confidence is the inherent belief that you can rely on something. We can have confidence in others, confidence in a task, and confidence in ourselves. It's an internal thing based on an unwavering belief.

The reason I say that no one lacks it is because we all have confidence in some capacity. We do, really. It's just that we don't always realise it. 

Imagine if you will, meeting a person at a social gathering. You get talking and this person tells you that in their life they have accomplished many things. They have a great list of 'positives'- things of which they can be proud - but in their negative column they put a lack of confidence. They tell you that it is the one thing they just don't have and that they are at a loss because, despite being skilled in so many ways, this feels like the greatest failure.

Confidence comes in many forms. In this person's case they are referring to a lack of social confidence. What they mean when they say they don't have confidence is that they don't feel sure enough of themselves in social situations to approach strangers and strike up a conversation.

A lack of confidence when it comes to approaching strangers is not an inherent lack of any confidence at all. For example, suppose this person has a successful career in which they have performed extremely well. They studied for a long time and have worked in many different roles in their industry, gaining success and rising to a place where they are respected for their talents. They were confident in the skills they gained from their education. They were confident in the knowledge they have of their chosen field. They were confident in their abilities as a professional to build a successful career.

It's simply because of a belief that confidence is confined to a specific situation that this individual feels they lack it.

Often times we are not aware of these sorts of limiting beliefs. Because we are told that confidence has something to do with bravery or with social performance, we are not aware of the great level of self belief we have in other areas.

A great way to let go of this limitation is to sit down and write a list of the things which you know you are good at. Anything at all, be it cooking, drawing, gardening, pet care, reading, athletics, teaching, listening - you get the idea. Belief in your ability to do something is confidence.

We can't be confident in all things. For example, I don't believe I'd ever be good at treating traumatic injury. Beyond being able to budget, I have very little faith in my math skills. I don't feel very assured in my ability to learn new languages. There are so many other examples, but I don't have to be confident in everything and nor does anyone else. When we encounter something where we feel we just don't believe in ourselves, it helps to remember our list of the things we are confident in.

Remember, confidence is something that comes from within. It's our capacity to recognise our own strengths without need of external approval. When we recognise where we are strongest, where we have unwavering faith in our ability to do something, we are reminded that oftentimes these things were things we learned over time. When we encounter a time where we don't feel so sure, we can use our confidence in a different area to remind us of our ability to grow.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Meditation - Getting to know yourself

I've been practicing meditation for five years now and I am a firm believer in its benefits. I don't believe you have to identify with a particular religious or spiritual sect in order to meditate and appreciate what meditation can do for you, but I do think it's important to understand what meditation means. To do this it's a good idea to seek out different teachings an teachers to gain a stronger understanding.

In recent years the psychoanalytical world has taken a keen interest in meditation as the benefits of the practice have been observed for centuries. Through meditation people have solved issues with anxiety, depression, addiction, chronic pain and countless other ailments which tend to hinder a human being from embracing life to the fullest. As medical professionals have taken an interest, so too have the public. A growing number of people are reading the works of Pema Chodron, Sharon Salzberg and Eckhart Tolle. Audio books, CDs and YouTube all offer multiple guided meditation practices of varying sorts.

Yet I find there are often misconceptions when it comes to the nature of meditation and a meditative state. 

MYTH: Meditation is relaxing - Anyone who has done any amount of meditation knows this isn't true. The actual act of sitting still and focusing on the breath is a challenge. Our bodies can grow uncomfortable and weary even when our posture is right. Our minds are also a general whirlwind. Thoughts arise on their own and the act of 'not thinking' is far more challenging than most realise.

In fact, to meditate well, one must create a sense of relaxation prior to sitting. It is a good practice to allow some time - five minutes even - before sitting down to meditate to come into your body and relax your mind. Repeating phrases such as, "I am here now, and nothing needs to be done" or taking five to ten deep, deliberate breaths, are great ways to calm the mind and body and prepare for meditation. 

MYTH: Meditation is blissful - Meditation is a practice done to cultivate wisdom. We meditate to focus the mind and in doing so gain a more resourceful state. A resourceful state is merely a state in which we are able to act effectively, rather than irrationally or with strong emotion. A resourceful state is any state in which we can perform at our best. 

When we meditate we focus the mind and experience the state we are in at that very moment. We free ourselves from the distraction of the past or the future or any story lines we may be holding onto. In any given moment we could be experiencing a range of feelings from calm to anxious, happiness to anger. Meditation allows us to sit with our experience rather than being averse to it or clinging to it. 

For anyone who has ever sat with their anxiety, anger, sadness or any other feeling commonly referred to as 'bad', the feeling is not one of bliss. It can actually be quite scary to sit with an emotion which makes us uncomfortable but in doing so we can recognise that emotions are as fleeting as our thoughts. They come and go, ebb and flow, just like the tides.

MYTH: Meditation will 'fix' you - I don't believe that people are broken. People can be confused, oblivious, in turmoil, struggling, frustrated, neurotic and so on, but these states are not broken states. They are simply unresourceful states which can make life seem challenging to lead. 

The purpose of meditation is not to 'repair' anything but to learn to accept what is. Meditation is an exploration of the self. 

Many of us, myself included, do whatever we can to ignore or avoid the things about ourselves which we don't like. We can use any manner of distraction. I used to throw myself into work or into 'fixing' other people in order to avoid working on my own stuff. Through meditation I became acutely aware of this fact.

At first, seeing ourselves for who we are and all the things we do, even the things we are averse to, is actually quite disheartening. It can be crushing to our spirit to think that we are not put-together, well-adjusted beings.

But meditation is not about just being able to see where we are still growing or in need of change, it's about embracing the fact that we are flawed. Until we obtain enlightenment we will always be flawed but our flaws are part of us just like anything else. They do not define us but they do contribute to who we are as individuals.

Meditation allows us to make friends with ourselves, warts and all, and in doing so learn to let go of those things which are not beneficial to our growth. 


These are only three misconceptions about meditation practice, but three which I have encountered most often. The important thing in all of this is to find out what works for you. Seek different teachers, different teachings and different methods. Until you have found one that suits your own sense of reason, do not settle. 

If you would like to learn more about meditation and how it can benefit you, it's one of the tools I use in my life coaching to help you access your own unlimited potential.

  I was asked to make a contribution to the C.R.O.W.N (Creating Radiant Outgoing Women Now) Project, a blog that aims to help build the self esteem of women all over the world. The entry I wrote was published today so please go take a look-see at it.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Enjoying your own company

Loch Voil, in the valley where Dhanakosa is located

I was away for eight day at the end of July, beginning of August. I attended a retreat at the Dhanakosa Buddhist centre in Scotland. It was an amazing time for me as I was able to spend a lot of time in my own company. 

I know that, for a lot of people, the idea of spending time in your own company can actually be quite frightening. I know this because I used to really dislike being in my own company. I used to go through long periods of depression and for several years I suffered from an anxiety disorder. For anyone who has experienced depression or anxiety (Which is probably everyone reading this) the idea of spending time alone in your won head when either of these very strong emotions is running its course isn't just uncomfortable but potentially frightening and possibly even dangerous.

It took a lot of work and a lot of paying attention to what was going on for me to work through both of those things, but here I am! I've gone nearly two years without taking medication, loving who I am and being able to spend time with that person.

For me this retreat was a big step in that it meant I was going for my own growth and not to run away from anything. I am a firm believer in not running away from your problems. This is because you can't. The thing about your problems is that they belong to you and therefore, wherever you run, they will follow. But there can be exceptions to this rule. For example, if your problem is that you really want to go travelling but you can't seem to motivate yourself then running away is, in fact, solving a problem.

I want to talk about this problem of inaction because that's the sort of problem I help my clients solve. The problems that niggle and sit there but always seem easier to ignore than to deal with. First of all, ignoring something doesn't make it go away. In fact, ignoring something is usually a really good way to aggravate it to the point where you can't ignore it anymore.

Depression and anxiety are a good example of this. Depression begins in sadness and anxiety begins in fear. Both are natural emotions which must be expected in life. They are just things that happen and generally, they are there to tell us to pay attention. Sadness is asking us to pay attention to loss or a need not being met. Fear is telling us to prepare or plan for something.

Ignore them and they will become more urgent. They will grow in strength as they work to get you to pay attention to the issue at hand. The more you don't listen to them the louder they become and at their loudest they are no longer sadness and fear but depression and anxiety. Leave it even longer and they can become Clinical Depression and Panic Disorder or some other diagnosable mental illness.

Learning to enjoy your own company means learning to listen to these emotions as they arise. When we can pay attention to them from the start we can see what needs or wants are being neglected and rationally determine what is needed.

This retreat was great as it allowed me time and space to sit without distraction and reflect on the things which fulfill me. I was able to focus my energy, appreciate the amount of time in a day, and really analyse what I want to do in the coming months. It was also a chance for me to pay attention to some of my own little niggles which I've not given a chance to be heard.

Giving yourself time and space to be heard is important. No one else is going to do that for you though, so you need to give yourself the right setting and tools to go there. This isn't always easy, especially if you've not done it before or done it often. As a coach I believe in giving my clients the space they need to listen to their own dreams, hopes and wishes. Then, working together, make them a reality.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com
Want to help support Dhanakosa?
Buy an original FaunawolfCreations painting and 50% of the sale will be donated. 

Mighty Women - Beatrix Potter

I had a new batch of business cards made up. I wanted to have all my stuff on one card instead of having one for my Creative Specialist side and one for my Life Coaching side. This is because I don't really see them as 'sides' exactly. They are all part of me: what I love, what I do and what is important in my life. This was why, under my job title, I included the word "polymath" in brackets.

This small inclusion has led to a frequent question. Upon handing my card over to an interested party I will get a quizzical look before being asked, "What's a polymath?"

pol.y.math (Noun)

- A person of great or varied learning

- AKA a Renaissance Man 

To provide an example this entry is about a particularly humble polymath who I feel doesn't get enough credit for her incredible range of work. I've not done a Mighty Women post in a while so for those who are unfamiliar with them, this is my tribute to incredible women who have shaped and changed the world.

For most, Beatrix Potter is simply a name on tiny little storybooks for children. The life of the woman behind the writing and painting is not well known. At least for me, until I visited the Lake District, this was certainly the case.

Miss Potter, later Mrs. Heelis, was born into a middle class family when the middle classes were something very new. This was a class of people not quite born into wealth and not quite born into poverty. They perhaps had to work for a living but also often had a bit of wealth from family members before them. The difference between this inherited wealth and the wealth of the upper classes was that it was earned, often through industry. This was the case for Beatrix Potter's family, who had come from a long line of 'Tradesmen' who had done well and made their fortune.

For Beatrix, much of her life was spent observing duty. Her parents looked down on tradespeople, despite the source of their wealth, and they expected both Beatrix and her brother Bertrum to play the role of dutiful upper class children.

For Miss Potter this sort of life felt quite false, although the impression is that she didn't feel that she could often disagree with what was expected of her. It was a time when women were particularly beholden to the household life. If you were unwed you were expected to stay in the charge of your parents. If you were married then it was to your husband that you belonged.

But Miss Potter had ambition and refused to let it be squashed. She had been painting and drawing since childhood and in her early twenties she began to look at turning her art from hobby to work. Miss Potter first attempted to publish the many drawings and paintings she'd done of fungi specimens whilst on holiday in Scotland or the Lake District. She was, unfortunately, turned down for not having an education in the field and, of course, for being a woman.

This did not put Miss Potter off in the slightest, however. She was a head strong individual and she knew very well what she wanted to do. She enjoyed writing as well as art and in her thirties she finally managed to secure a publisher for a little story she'd written in a letter. This was 'The Tale of Peter Rabbit' and this was the beginning of Miss Potter's independence.

She was, in her day, a more successful author than J.K. Rowling. In just a few years the royalties from the sale of her books was significant enough that she was independently wealthy, despite the fact that she still lived in the care of her parents.

She did eventually marry at the age of 47, to Mr. Heelis, a solicitor in Near Sawry. Married life did not at all hinder her incredible passion for knowledge and developing new skills. She became an avid baker, enjoying the exploration of this field as she'd enjoyed learning about farming or discovering the many fungi that grew wild in Scotland.

In her life, besides being the artist and author of 23 different tales for children, Miss Potter was a conservationist, farmer, property developer, and political activist. She owned thirteen different farms in the Lake District by the time of her death in 1943, which she left to the National Trust to ensure that the Lake District continued to be the stunning, undeveloped land that it is. She was active in the farming community and made a solid effort during both WWI and WWII despite the fact that she suffered from frequent illnesses.

She truly was an incredible human being with a great passion for many things. She had an insatiable desire to learn all she could about the things which interested her. I believe she is a great example of a polymath and all that embodies. She is more than worthy of the title 'Mighty Woman'.