My Little Painting Challenge entry

There's a competition going on right now through the BBC called 'The Little Painting Challenge'. One does not have to actually paint something as the challenge states that drawings are accepted as well, but the idea is that anyone can submit a work of art with one of the post cards they have available in most libraries or in copies of RadioTimes.

I've made my entry! Inspired by a small child I saw at Borough Market a few weeks back. It was a fun little weekend project and I'm quite happy with my feisty little fairie.

Work with your own mind - Dharma Art

'Everything is Workable'
5X5" ink, pencil crayon and gouache on bristol board

When I was very small, like three or four, my mum gave me my first lesson in the importance of working with my own mind. I wanted to go play outside but it was raining and I couldn't. I began to cry and throw a tantrum (Something I was monumentally good at) and she told me point-blank that I could cry all I wanted but the rain wasn't going to stop.

I have no recollection of this occurance but it's become one of many family stories so I've heard it often enough for the message to be delivered multiple times.

When I first discovered Ani Pema Chodron and realised my Buddhist nature, I quickly discovered this to be an essential teaching in all my studies of the dharma: You cannot change external circumstances. You can change your outlook.

This message is in no way unique to Buddhism or any other school of thought. Cliches like 'You can't change people' are pointing at it. Over and over again, this is presented to us in life.

Generally we feel that life would be so much easier if things went our way. If our partner didn't do that really irritating thing. If customers were less difficult. If our boss listened to us. If other drivers obeyed the rules of the road scrupulously.

Despite the delivery of the lesson to my toddler self, it's only been very, very recently that I've understood and began truly applying it.

I cannot change my external circumstances. None of us can. Life happens how it will whether we like it or not.

The only thing we have any control over, the only thing we can work with, is our own state of mind. And this is infinitely workable. Every situation, regardless of how we perceive it, is workable when we approach it from the level of our own mind.

The inspiration for this piece comes from the Garuda - a mythical creature that represents the ability we have to exist without reference points, without the need for external validation.

To Build a Home - Kait's Mixtape

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Zen Buddhist monk who lives and teaches in France. He's attributed with inventing the word 'Interbeing' - which is a way he relates the interconnectedness and cause and conditions of all things.

He has many ways of explaining this but my favourite is his meditation on a tree. He describes how beautiful it is to look at a tree because you can see the entire Universe in a tree. When you look at a tree you can see the sun because without the sun, there is no tree. You can see the clouds because without clouds there is no rain and therefore, no tree. You can see the Earth because without the minerals in the Earth, there is no tree.

When I first heard this meditation it brought tears to my eyes and I instantly thought of the video that went viral a few years back where Neil DeGrasse Tyson was asked to share what he felt was the most astounding fact in the Universe. This song was used for that video and as I listened to the tree meditation I was so delighted by the idea that Thich Nhat Hanh and Neil DeGrasse Tyson were talking about the same thing.

I find myself in wonder more and more often because when we really stop and look at the world - look at the way the leaves change or the way ice crystals hang in the air or watch a bird doing something as incredible as flying - we are seeing the very wonder and magic of the universe. We are seeing the result of an explosion billions of years ago.

And we're part of that. 

The entire Universe started with a bang. A bang that's been expanding in chaos ever since. And all that chaos lead to a molton rock cooling just enough for there to be life. And that life has flourished for billions of years and eventually, you came into being.

Because there was a big bang you are here now.

That is the essence of interbeing and that is the essence of life itself.

One Day... - Kait's Mixtape

 "If death is certain and the time until death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?"

- Pema Chodron

This blog entry is going to revisit a topic I wrote about often when I first moved to London. At that time I felt a lot like I was making up for lost time. I'd been in a stagnant situation for three years prior and I was kick-starting my life with this move to a new city.

I used to be able to tell you exactly what I'd be doing year on year to the day simply because I always did what I'd always done. I was bored of this, I needed change, I needed to completely change my situation.

The thing I said the most at that time was, "I'd rather look back on my life and regret having done something than wonder what might have happened if I had." 

One of the latest revelations I've had from all this meditation practice I get up to is that we don't figure something out and then put it aside. Wisdom is incremental and it gets deeper with practice. We will revisit the same thing again and again and each time - because of experience, new ways of thinking, knowing our minds better than before - we will get something new out of it.

Death doesn't scare me. I told my mum it did when I was little and she said that simply wasn't true because if it was I'd never do anything. I'd stay up in my room and avoid any situation that might be remotely dangerous.

I remember this as the first time I encountered the idea of living life to the fullest. I've come back to it again and again and each time it shifts and my understanding gains more depth.

When I first moved to London I wanted new experiences because I was terrified of not doing enough with my life. I've often remarked that I'm allergic to procrastination because I feel a bit sick if I put off that which I can do now.

Well, that's changed quite a bit recently. Not because I do put stuff off now, I certainly don't. I actually seem to be doing more now than ever - but the feeling sick bit happens less and less.

There was a frantic energy to a lot of what I did. A sense of striving and getting things done so that eventually I'd get everything done and then maybe, maybe I could relax. 

It wasn't very comfortable. It's a strong habit though and one I'm still working with. But now the frantic energy has gone out of it because the present is just a single moment and in a single moment, we can only accomplish so much anyway. I take it as it comes, and I carry out a single task with great care and mindfulness before moving to the next.

Interestingly I seem to get a lot more done, in a calmer fashion, and it gives me more time to do absolutely nothing beyond being - which is helpful since I love meditating so much.

The less I try to 'do' the more I can 'be' and the more I can be the more I appreciate the time I have. Less and less of what I do is about getting somewhere or finishing something or ticking off a list. Now it's about experiencing the moment, enjoying the process, and waiting for what comes next patiently, without forcing it or driving for it. 

Sigh No More - Kait's Mix Tape

Mumford & Sons
'Sigh No More'

Sometimes a song I've listened to multiple times will suddenly stand out for me. Either it suddenly fits with how I feel or I appreciate the lyrics in a way I hadn't before. In the case of this song it was the latter. 

The beginning is rather slow and I actually often skip the track entirely. But about halfway through the song has a shift. The music picks up and these are the lines that are sung. 

And they are true. 

Someone once told me, "Love comes in so many different flavours." 

I believe that's true. There's the love I have for the colour blue or the love I have for what I do for a living or the love I have for my favourite pair of shoes. These are different flavours of love with varying intensity. 

But then there is genuine compassionate love. Also known as unconditional love. It's often described as the love a parent has for their children and I think it's too often believed that this is the sort of love that can only happen in a parent for their child. 

I definitely have absolute unconditional love for my darling little fur-baby. She may wake me up with her meowing at three am because she wants to go play outside and she may regularly bring home frogs that need rescuing and small furry creatures that require skill and patience to catch and release, but I never stop loving her. And it's an immeasurable kind of love. It doesn't come in degrees like my love of certain foods or for different shirts in my wardrobe. Like, I love onions and oranges but I love onions more or I love my pink shirt and my blue shirt but I love the blue one more. 

Genuine, true, compassionate love is something so much richer and deeper than that. It's not a clinging or grasping but a huge expansive opening of the heart - encompassing all of a person or animal no matter what. 

The 'no matter what' bit is what makes it so different. When we love someone no matter what it means we accept all of who they are. 

We love them when they're at their best and brightest and we love them when they're at their lowest. 

We love them when they are kind and we love them when they are cruel. 

We love them not despite the fact that they may have done something seemingly unforgivable but because we respect that they are just as confused, complicated and unknowable to themselves as we are to ourselves. 

We love them because we are open to the complexity of another because we see that same complexity in ourselves. 

And when you love like that - fully, utterly, completely - it's liberating. Because you don't have to like someone to love them that way. It doesn't excuse bad behaviour or poor choices but it recognizes the reasons behind it. It doesn't label a person as just one thing because of their actions but allows them to change. 

In short, to love this way is good for the heart because it shows us our heart is big enough for it all. 

Best Day of Your Life - Kait's Mixtape

Katie Herzig - Best Day of Your Life

Most of Katie Herzig's stuff has graced my OCD playlist. I have at least four of her songs on there currently and this one is right at the top. 

I've really started to understand how it's one thing to say something and even to understand it intellectually, but it's a whole different thing to live by it. 

Live every day as though it may be your last. 

Seize the day. 

If death is certain and the time until death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? 

These are the kinds of sayings or phrases that made me feel like I should be doing something. I should be squeezing out all the pips, using up every last drop of life, that time not spend doing was time wasted - lost forever. 

These are the sort of thing that lead me to being an anxious neurotic mess because on an intellectual level I got them - I understood that I am going to die. We all are, and when we die that's it as far as any of us knows. There may be something after but since I have no conscious awareness of anything before it's safe to assume that this life is the only one I'll get and I had better live it well. 

But then living it well was about cramming things in and that wasn't pleasant or enjoyable. I may have been able to say I'd accomplished a lot but I was hardly ever present for any of it. I planned so far in advance that the actual moments I'd been planning for slipped by so quickly it felt more like just striking something off a list than actually having had an experience of something. 

When I first moved to the UK I was definitely in this mind-set. I felt like I was making up for lost time. I wanted to explore, to see and do everything possible. I made huge lists of all the museums I'd visit, the places in Europe I'd get to, the events I'd attend in London. 

Sometimes I was present for these incredible experiences simply because the mind does this for us naturally. 

The first time I went to Trafalgar Square and stood on the steps of the National Gallery is as vivid to me today as it was when it happened because my mind just stopped. I wasn't thinking about the crowds or the journey there or what I was going to do next. I just stood there, looking down Whitehall to the Houses of Parliament and the sheer history and significance of that spot stopped all my thoughts. I felt the breeze and saw the crispness of the sky and the haziness of the distant buildings. It was amazing. 

And it wasn't about setting anything up or planning or doing or getting anything 'right'. It was just being there. 

So recently - and I mean dry recently - I've begun to relax. 

It's odd because I'm still doing and experiencing and planning but I'm not 'should-ing' any of it. When something doesn't work out and something else happens instead I don't mind because I'm letting go of expectations of things going a certain way. It's no big deal if plans fall through and I'm finding myself more relaxed about planning. I don't put nearly so much energy into it - or maybe it's that the worry about it going 'right' is gone. I plan as much as I can but understand it doesn't always work out and that's fine. That's life. 

Because life is unpredictable and none of us know how long ours will be and for that very reason life is to be enjoyed. To be savoured. It's not about how much we can accomplish in a lifetime. It's about how much we enjoy the time we have, however long or short it may be. 

And for that reason any given day could be the best day of your life simply because you got another one. 

Just Be - Dharma Series

There are many wonderful stories, metaphors and similes used in Buddhism to illustrate the meaning behind a particular teaching. One in particular that has resonates with me is about being like a heron - still and serene, waiting for the fish to come, poised elegantly and fully aware of its surroundings and purpose.

For the longest time I felt like I was grading myself when it came to my spiritual practice. Actually, if I'm totally honest, I've often felt like I grade myself in everything I do. I wondered if I was doing it right or doing it effectively or doing enough.

Doing. Doing. Doing. 

When I began to meditate I was under the misconception that meditation was a tool to get rid of the unwanted aspects of myself - a way to transcend the uncomfortable things in life by going deeper or having some incredible revelation where I would suddenly be unflappable.

Enlightenment was my goal and I knew I should meditate as much as possible and I should be reading Buddhist texts and I should find a teacher.

I've already referred a few times to my visit to New York last year, when I finally got to hear Pema Chodron speak in person and was also fortunate enough to get to ask her a question. While the retreat was amazing I didn't start to genuinely appreciate the teachings by both her and Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel until I got the recordings of the weekend and began listening to them.

I can't tell you when the shift in my understanding happened because it wasn't like a switch. It was more like a gentle settling - like I'd been working at a puzzle for hours and then suddenly all the pieces just started fitting together and then the whole image was so obvious I was amazed that I'd not been able to see it all along.

I already knew that meditation wasn't about 'getting rid' of anything. I knew it was a tool for remaining present. This made sense to me. But I didn't know how to remain present when things were uncomfortable. Meditating when I was upset or hurt seemed terrifying because it meant sitting with a feeling I didn't want to have in the first place. 

But I persevered and it was listening to the recordings from that weekend that connected the dots.

I've written before about my five days of wakefulness - the experience of being able to drop the storyline no matter what was coming up and just appreciate my surroundings and whatever was happening in any given moment. I don't think there was any one thing that contributed to it and I don't believe I could 'make' it happen.

Because it wasn't a doing. 

It was a 'being'. 

Just being. 

Just be. 

Dharma Series - Fearlessness

Teachings on fearlessness can be so difficult to grasp. While I didn't struggle to grasp the concept on an intellectual level, truly embracing teachings around fearlessness proved to be very challenging for me. 

The translations from Tibetan or Sanskrit become misconstrued and muddled due to a lack of an English equivalent, making overcoming the Western definition of 'fearlessness' half the challenge. Sometimes it's described as 'unconditional confidence', which I think can muddy the waters even more. 

But the idea isn't about being unflappable or untouched by the challenges of life. It's not some ideal of 'perfection' where you sit there with a beatific smile on your face and nothing bothers you in the slightest. 

It wasn't until I heard a particular talk by Pema Chodron that the concept began to make sense on a deeper level and it was because she talked about resistance to fear. 

I'm familiar with this but didn't realise it until I heard her explanation. Resistance to fear is about not being willing to feel an inevitable emotion. It's putting up walls or wrapping ourselves in a cocoon so the world doesn't touch us with anything that makes us uncomfortable. 

I had Panic Disorder for nearly seven years. Panic Disorder is an anxiety disorder whereby the individual experiences a constant sense of anxiety. Constant. Every single moment of every single day I felt an underlying feeling of worry that was higher than average and not healthy.

Anxiety is rooted in fear. I've come to learn that my anxiety is at its worst when I ignore that something in my life is not okay. The anxiety isn't caused by the thing that isn't okay. It's caused by my resistance to see what's actually happening. 

This seems like a great defence mechanism because it does shield us from painful things - but only in the short-term. 

We can only tell ourselves 'Everything is just fine and peachy keen!' for so long. Denial merely masks the truth and creates a ticking time-bomb. In my case that time-bomb went off and put me in hospital and on medication for the first time in my life. It also lead me to my psychologist and, consequently, to Pema. It taught me how to listen to my gut and trust it. It taught me the importance of this. 

Which brings me back to fearlessness and this particular piece, which features a Snow Lion. 

Fearlessness is not about putting on a brave face, ignoring the things that scare us or shrugging off life's challenges as if they don't matter. Fearlessness is about accepting that things will fall apart. The rug will be pulled out from under us and we will be let down, abused, hurt, sad, angry, disappointed and have to grieve. 

Fearlessness is seeing all of these things and seeing that, as difficult as they may be, we also know they won't last forever and we will survive them because we will take care of ourselves. We will allow ourselves to feel the emotions and let them run their course. We will give ourselves time and space to heal. We appreciate that part of the joy of being alive involves feeling these things, getting through them, and growing from them. 

Because we will also feel joy, happiness, love, elation, delight, amazement, awe, wonder and beauty. Life is rich and when we open up to it, all of it, we have nothing to fear.

Dharma Series - Embrace all circumstances

Pencil crayon and ink on bristol board

The Interweb is littered with inspirational memes. Quotes or words of wisdom written over serene images of Buddhas or sunsets or flowers. They get shared repeatedly and with great enthusiasm.

The idea is these things make some sort of sense and we agree with them. We can muster up understanding that the words are practical and would improve our outlook and feelings about life.

On the very same wall someone posted a meme about the importance of kindness they will update their status to exclaim how obnoxious other drivers are or how little patience they have for parents who don't discipline their children. On the very same wall where they posted a meme about taking life as it comes and enjoying is as an adventure they will post something about how unfair it is that they didn't get the promotion they wanted or that they have had the promotion and it means they have to travel somewhere they didn't want to go.

We all do it and we do it because we're unaware. We're on some sort of autopilot with these things and even if that meme makes logical sense we haven't actually applied it.

The application is the trick.

It's not easy. It involves breaking habits which involves actually noticing the habits which usually involves admitting that we're meaner or sadder or more self-involved than we would like to admit.

But to truly change our lives, to create a happier, healthier world, we must be active participants and we must work with our own thoughts.

This piece came to me as I was taking a walk one Saturday morning. I have been thinking a lot lately about this idea of the application of wisdom and what that entails.

As I made my way along a path lined with wildflowers and grass I was stopping to pick up wayward snails and place them gently out of harms way. I once condemned snails on the basis that they ate all the lovely plants my was-wife planted. I've since come to think of that as disliking something for the very nature of its being. Blaming a snail for being a snail.

Snails are part of the planet, part of the ecosystem and just as deserving to be a snail as I am deserving to be human.

So I pick them up and move them off the path so they aren't crushed.

It may seem like a little thing but it's a genuine shift in my behaviour and thoughts. I didn't change my thinking over night. I examined it, questioned it, prodded and poked it. It changed of its own accord, as thoughts do if you let them run their course, and even if you don't.

As I stooped to move another snail a fat drop of rain hit the back of my neck. I could have run. I could have grumbled about the weather. I could have worried about my clothes getting wet.

I looked up at the clouds, which rippled with the passing wind, purple in some spots, lit up bright white in others. I continued my walk and felt the coolness of the water and the mugginess of the air. I closed my eyes and took in the scent of the grass and soil around me, the crackle of electricity in the air.

The rain began pouring down in earnest just as I came under the shelter of a tree. I smiled at the fortuitousness of this and watched the rain fall, enjoying how the air cooled around me. It let up enough for me to walk on home, and the words for this piece came into my head.

Embrace life. Embrace it all. Embrace the words on those memes and apply them. Free yourself from resisting the circumstances of your life. Free yourself from expectation.

And you can watch the rain fall as if for the very first time.

You can get my Art Nouveau Animal designs in my shop!

So I have come up with half a solution to your requests for prints of the new work I've been posting. My Art Nouveau animal designs are now in my shop! Or at least they're starting to appear. So far just the Badger and the Fox are up, but keep watching! More are soon to come.

Throw back Florence - Kait's Mixtape

Falling
Florence + the Machine

I have several songs on a playlist I call my 'Buddha mix'. They're lyrics that contain wisdom. I use these songs as reminders, songs that compliment things I've come to understand or embrace.

One of the first teachings I came across when I began reading Pema Chodron was about groundlessness. The idea is we all spend a lot of time scrambling for ground - looking for definitive answers and solid reasons behind everything that happens to us. We want security and comfort in the form of a good job, a loving partner, a nice house. We grasp and cling to thing to make us feel 'solid' and 'safe' as if we can get life to fall into place and everything to reach a point of being okay. 

And it doesn't work.

It doesn't work because, to put it bluntly - shit happens. 

We are made redundant or we become too ill to work. Our partner stops loving us or dies. Our income doesn't allow us to buy the 'perfect' house of our dreams or we get our house and a fault in the wiring causes a fire so we still lose everything.

When these things happen, when stuff breaks down or wears out as it inevitably will, and we've used these impermanent things to give us a sense of having something solid to rely on our hold onto, the effect is devastating. It feels like our world has fallen apart and we are helpless to control it. It feels like we are being punished. We ask things like, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

But it's not so black and white because no human being is just one way. We are people and we are complicated and we do different things for different reasons and life is chaotic and stuff just happens.

The idea of embracing groundlessness is a radical one because it goes against everything we have been taught. In school we are told to get a good education so we can secure a good job and afford a good house and attract a good partner. We are taught that anything less is to fail.

Being told that it was okay for me to embrace the unpredictability of life - to make it what I will as it comes at me - was liberating and terrifying at the same time. 

Applying it is a life-long task and one I've thrown myself into since I first read 'Start Where You Are'. Until recently I didn't really understand what it truly meant, although I intellectually grasped the idea. It wasn't until I stopped trying to answer it with my conceptual mind that I began to truly get living by it.

These lyrics have, for me, been a great reminder of embracing the groundlessness of life. We are all free falling. We create a ground to plummet towards by fixating our minds, by having expectations or holding on too tightly to that which is constantly changing.

By remaining open to experience - all experience - we can free fall with joy. We can be thrilled at the very fact that we get to be here, that we are so lucky to even exist considering the miraculous nature of life, that any experience we have becomes something we're willing to face.

Not because we won't feel hurt or anger or fear - but because we will accept these things as part of the deal, part of the package of getting to have a conscious mind. 

A lovely frog!

And finally...

I drew this at the request of a friend. I quite like how the water turned out. 

I've got a few more planned but the entire month of May has been about exploring as my parents are visiting me in London at the moment. As it is, the visit has involved a trip to Dublin, which has left me rather inspired by all the celtic artwork. 

The ideas are stacking up and I intend to do a lot of creating this summer. 

A lovely swallow

Another of my art nouveau animal designs! 

Sourcing an effective way of providing these as prints is difficult. Whilst I am full-time employed in a creative job my job is in a specific charity, so most of what I post on here is posted as a 'starving artist'.

In the future I can see my art sustaining me entirely, between the freelance design work and this sort of stuff, but at the moment the demand is sporadic so I can't just go around ordering a bunch of cards and prints easily. No storage, no guarantee of sales and my time is stretched so shipping orders would be added pressure on my already very full schedule.

That being said, I have been posting a bunch of my designs to my Zazzle shop for some months now and finally sold something a few weeks ago. Whilst the downside is that the minimal or rather, non-existent sales, mean I'm not exactly turning a profit, Zazzle DOES do all the printing, packing and delivery for me. People can order many different products with the same design. I only see 10% but then, they're doing all the 'grunt' work and I got the joy of designing something just because I could.

I'm not certain if I will take my non-digital works and post them to Zazzle as well. I know it's probably the most straight forward solution but I don't mind doing the work and the research to find out what else I might be able to use.

Keep watching my blog and my website and Facebook page. I'll keep you posted on when these and other bits I've been drawing will be available for purchase either as the originals or as prints.

And if anyone has any ideas or tips for other ways to get prints done up I'd love to hear them!

How have I missed out Lenka?! - Kait's Mixtape

'Bring me Down'
- Lenka

I'm kind of surprised these are the first lyrics from a song by Lenka to be illustrated and shared. I'm sure I've shared her lyrics in the past in other, older mixtape posts, but still. This feel like a rather significant oversight considering how many of her songs have graced my OCD playlist.

The first Lenka song I heard was played on the satellite station at IKEA. 'The Show' came on like clockwork at the same time during my shift and eventually I used a phone app to identify and download the song as the lyrics struck me as particularly Buddhist in nature. In fact, this and 'Live Like You're Dying' were the first songs to inspire a new playlist of 'Buddhist tracks' for my iPod.

Not that the lyrics are specifically Buddhist - they are, as I emphasise repeatedly - a sort of universal wisdom I encounter often. The fact that she's only 36 this year speaks to my belief that wisdom is not exclusively a result of years lived.

Her lyrics often have incredibly insightful messages and choosing one to illustrate, as with Ingrid Michaelson, Katie Herzig and Amanda Palmer, was quite difficult.

I chose this one because I have only recently come to understand what unconditional love really means. I know it may sound simple - love no matter what - but I don't believe many of us appreciate the subtle expectations we have of others. Or how we let others expectations of us affect our own behaviour.

I believe parenthood is one of the few times unconditional love can happen spontaneously and even then, from basic observations, it's simple to see this is not a default. The basis of this kind of love is accepting the complexity of another human being by recognising our own complexity.

It's knowing that someone can only do the best they can with the resources they have and unless someone is fully enlightened they will make a mess of things at times. But unconditional love doesn't mean putting oneself in the way of harm.

Unconditionally love must extend to oneself as well.

Unconditional love is accepting that another person is who they are and will only change by their own momentum. If they are unwilling or unable to change and their actions are harmful then it is beneficial to both you and them to not be in their life - but the unconditional love is good for your heart because in their absence it could become easy to disconnect them from being human, vilifying them and cultivating hatred.

Accept that they don't know any better, but remove yourself from harm's way. Wish they may one day find the resources to change - knowing this will stop them from causing further harm.

To me these lyrics capture the brilliance of the idea that we can be grateful to everyone. Holding onto something like hate will destroy us far more quickly than it will the person or people who have hurt us. 

A lovely badger!

I'm really chuffed with this piece. I had an incredibly productive bunch of weekends back in April - completing several of these animals along with the lyrics artwork I've been publishing periodically. 

This was the second animal I completed - after the fox done in early April. 

More to come over the next few weeks! 

And then Kimbra said... - Kait's Mixtape

'Somebody That I Used to Know'
- Gotye feat. Kimbra

It's sort of hard for me to believe this song is already three years old. I know it was played to death for a while and I definitely grew sick of it and needed a break.

But from the first time I heard it this song definitely struck a chord with me.

Whilst all the lyrics are incredible, my favourite bit is the interjection sung by the talented Kimbra. Her voice is so fantastic and following the release of this song I sought out her album to add to my music collection.

The interjection is the bit I like best because it changes the entire feel of the song and speaks to the many sides of a story. At first it asks the listener to identify with the first singer - the one who didn't want to be in a relationship but was hurt that the other party wasn't even interested in being friends. Cast aside despite the time they were together, as if none of that mattered.

But the interjection sheds some light on things. It presents the other party's experience of the relationship. One that was manipulative, and based on what the other person has to say, emotionally abusive.

I love the poetry of this song and the clever balance of the lyrics - at first asking you to sympathise with the person cast aside but then presenting a strong justification for that person being cut out.

While I took a long break from this song due to how overplayed it became, it will always be a favourite of mine for its clever honesty.

Hare today...

I incorporated some fun colour blending into this one. I'm really pleased with the hare's feet and general watchful pose.

I'm sorting out prints for these so hopefully they will be available as greeting/post cards!

Dharma Series - Thoughts

Thoughts are funny things. They seem so incredibly solid and yet, most of the things we think have absolutely no ground when we actually try to pin them down.

This idea of the fluidity of our thoughts comes up in many schools of thought. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is all about changing the way we think on the basis that unhelpful thoughts can cause us a lot of mental anguish where there is no justification for it. Neuro-Linguistic Programming challenges us to use language to shift the way we think. Meditation teaches us to see our thoughts as 'clouds in the sky' - shifting, changing, impermanent.

Our way of thinking is habitual and just like any habit, changing the way we think and learning to let go of our thoughts is no easy task.

As a regular meditator I have spent six years working with this practice. The key instruction I have followed is to 'drop the story-line'. Reading 'My Stroke of Insight' really opened my eyes to how our left brain naturally generates a storyline that's often not true. The storyline is very powerful though because it provide structure and often gives 'reason' for our experience. I've found dropping the storyline extremely challenging because so much of 'me' is wrapped up in it.

In November, however, I had a profound experience whereby I was finally able to let thoughts go for an extended period of time. It was profound in that I was able to keep from getting hooked by the thoughts and as a result I could experience an emotion without all the drama. So instead of 'I'm sad because that person did that thing' or 'I'm angry and hurt because they were so cruel' it was just 'This is what sad feels like' and 'this is what anger feels like'.

Without the thoughts to fuel them, the emotions ran their course quickly and I would soon return to a state of calm and contentment. No extreme feelings one way or another.

For five days this was my experience and in those five days I had a heightened awareness of just how incredible the world is. I've always appreciated nature and the minute there's sun you'll find me outside - but this was different.

I felt like there was no hurry to be anywhere. Just being was enough. And in being I could be absorbed in the way the sun lit the clouds from behind or how the rain sounded as it fell into the tree tops. I found myself noticing more - robins (the English sort) flickering in and out of a holly bush, a parakeet watching cautiously from a hole in a nearby tree, the smell of a fire burning somewhere and how crisp the air felt on my skin contrasting against the warmth of the sun when it broke through the grey mass above.

My wakeful experience ended but I don't feel any loss because I gained something very valuable from it. I know that it's possible to drop thoughts and I understand the descriptions these teachers I listen to are getting at. I have direct experience of the benefit of being able to do this and that in itself has shifted my meditation practice from feeling like I should be doing it to wanting to do it.

In creating this piece of art I wanted to capture the enigmatic smile of the Buddha - a smile that conveys the sense of ease that comes from letting go of the storyline and letting life genuinely touch you.

Dharma Series - Regardless of the external

One thing I really appreciate about Buddhist teachings is the many different ways I come across the same message. Buddhism in itself is just one package for a sort of wisdom I encounter regularly. I find people embracing secular humanism, Socratic teachings or Taoism and the messages are extremely similar. 

No formal belief system is required at all, which is the beautiful thing about the human species. We are lovely individuals and for every individual there is a unique path to enlightenment. 

In the case of this piece I included a lotus flower because it is a classic representation of this seed of enlightenment all sentient beings possess. The image it conjures is of a seed buried deep in the thick, black mud at the bottom of a pond. With the right elements in place the seed will unquestionably grow and become a full lotus blossom on the surface of the pond. 

The lotus blossom doesn't 'spring' into existence but grows over time - sometimes faster, sometimes not so fast. Wisdom is the same. Wisdom is incremental. Someone can have profoundly wise insights and still act foolishly. In fact, until enlightenment is reached, this applies to all of us. We all have these seeds of wise insight at various stages of growth. We feed them through reading, discussion, and exploration of the world around us. 

In this drawing I have shown one piece of wisdom I've come to understand very clearly, represented by a single lotus flower. Through listening to many teachings and applying a regular meditation practice in my life I have been able to shift my understanding of this teaching from intellectual to a deep knowing. Like opening my eyes to see what's really there instead of what I hoped to see. 

I have come to understand that to be genuinely happy is to have an appreciation for the richness of life and the wonder of the present moment. The idea that if sadness is present happiness can't be limits our experience and traps our mind with dualism. 

In a single moment I have experienced joy, sadness, comfort and pain and felt appreciation for the very fact that this is possible. It is possible to feel these things without needing to 'do' anything. The idea that we can only experience one emotion at a time, and in order for one to go another must replace it, causes so much suffering. When we stop 'doing' and shift into 'being' there is this incredibly vast space in which we live life fully. 

Scream like Beth Ditto - Kait's Mixtape

This is one of my very favourite songs. I love singing along with it, screaming along with Beth Ditto, sharing all that emotion and intensity. 

I haven't listened to it for a while but the other day it came on as I was travelling by train from Waterloo to Wimbledon. Once again, a song I've listened to countless time struck me with new meaning, and I realised I still had more of these drawings to do. 

When I'm finished a series or a piece I have a general sense of knowing that it's done. I did do after the last lyrics I published to my blog. They seemed to round out the entire process nicely and I was comfortable. 

That being said, I'm flexible and when the inspiration kicked back in as Beth sang with greater intensity, I knew I had more to do.