As Is - Kait's Mixtape

What can I say about Ani? I first discovered her when I was in Junior High. A friend of mine burned me a CD of her music and I found myself captivated by her brilliant use of words to convey great passion about all manner of social and political issues. At the time I was a fully self-identified activist and the energy of her writing matched my own. 

As I grew older I would sometimes see how much anger there was in what she'd written and occasionally a sense of righteous indignation came through as well - turning me off of some of her music. But one thing has never changed for me. When Ani writes about relationships, about love and connection, about the very experience of being human, it has always resonated with me. 

For that reason many of her songs end up on my OCD playlist, the playlist on my iPod of songs that I can listen to on repeat, five times in a row, and not tire of. 

Ani Difranco - 'As Is'

Feels like the whole world should have changed - Kait's Mixtape

"I've still got sand in my shoes."

- Dido

Dido really got it right - I've never returned from a holiday without feeling like everything should be different. It's a bit like the feeling I get on January first when the new year stretches ahead of me like a blank canvas full of potential.

Generally, when I return from holiday, I do have this burst of energy for new projects. I think the effect of doing nothing, and in the case of the last seven days, unplugging entirely, gives me a chance to clear my mind and refocus. This is the first time I've touched my computer since November 28th and I have to say, the break from the screen was incredibly refreshing.

I was reluctant to turn it on, and not because I know I've got a few hundred emails and notifications, but because I know I'll soon be back into the pattern of being online more often than I'm actually outside enjoying the world.

It is winter and once the Christmas rush dies down the shortened days, lack of sunlight and general chill of it all tends to send me a bit off kilter unless I have something to get stuck into. So I'm glad of this holiday and the particular focus it has given me.

I am, of course, working on the final editing and layout of my book so it will be ready for publication in March, but that involves an awful lot of time on the computer. Which is why I've been looking for a new art project.

When I finished my tarot cards many people asked if I was going to continue on with the minor cards to complete the deck or if I had something new up my sleeve. At the time my energy was shifted entirely into my writing and art, be it sculpture, painting or design, took a back burner.

My art is something which has always allowed me to relax and I enjoy it because it's a way for me to share my experience of the world. Music, and in particular the lyrics which accompany music, have always been a huge part of my life. As I thought about Dido's perfect lines which capture exactly how I feel about a holiday (I do indeed still have sand in my shoes) I have been thinking about the wisdom I find in the lyrics that I love the best.

I recently decided to pull out my pencil crayons and give them a bit of a go just for the pure enjoyment of it. I happened to be listening to a song which I feel expresses the importance of remembering that we are each capable of so very much and how important it is to be your own best friend. I like what I came up with and have decided I'd very much like to do a series of different pieces that select snatches of lyrics combined with my own style of creativity and expression.

I'm not giving myself a deadline for it as the deadline of the book is enough and starting in January I'm going to be doing some part-time study simply because I can. This will be my art for the sake of art - my way of unplugging when I'm not on holiday - and hopefully something which you will enjoy too.

"Make a Noise" A4 Bristol board, pencil crayon, pencil and ink

Ingrid Michaelson - Kait's Mixtape

Music fuels a lot of my artwork. Actually, it fuels me in general. It is very rare when putting music on won't help me to focus, breathe and centre. There are some songs which are particularly good at giving me a lift and occasionally I'll find an artist who's able to do this with almost all their songs.

I'm not actually sure how I found Ingrid Michaelson. I think I heard it whilst I was working at the big blue box, or perhaps the song just happened to find its way onto my iPod like Natalie Merchant's My Hands. Regardless of how the song got there, Be O.K. just stuck and soon it found its way onto my OCD playlist.

To qualify for my OCD playlist a song will have one of three things:

1. It never fails to lift me up.

2. I can (and will) listen to it several times in a row without growing tired of it or wanting to hear it less.

3. It inspires me to do something new or renews energy for old projects.

Be O.K. is about remembering that everything, even when it feels absolutely awful, will be O.K. Life is ups and downs but neither lasts forever and that in itself is O.K.

I love it, and as a result I decided I should just go ahead and get a whole album of her stuff. I've not had loads of time to listen to music during the past month as so much of my time is taken up with work, school and the seemingly never-ending commute.

My course finished up on Thursday, Hallowe'en has come and gone and despite the few fireworks popping and crackling outside, Bonfire Night has come to an end. I've got no obligations, no entertaining to do, no errands to run. I came up to my room to sit and try to update this blog with something substantial. I opened up a window and stared at the blank space. Next to me I have some canvases displaying current works. Nothing I want to share yet.

I began to feel itchy, a bit off. What to write about?

I opened up my iTunes and put on the mixed play list of my most recent musical purchases. The xx, old school Tegan & Sara, Hot Chip, David Byrne with assorted other artists, 10,000 Maniacs and Ingrid Michaelson.

I never know what song is going to stick out to me on any given day. I like it because it makes my iPod a mix bag of fun surprises. A song that's been on my OCD playlist for ages will suddenly fall flat whilst a song I've often skipped suddenly becomes unbelievably addictive. In this case, however, a song I've never heard before suddenly becomes the best song I've heard in weeks.

I don't know what it is exactly, but You and I has become one of these songs. It's light, it's simple, it has a moment of silence followed by clap-stomp clap-stomp. It makes me want to twirl in a field of yellow flowers. It makes me want to skip on my toes, bouncing lightly. It makes me want to share the feeling it gives me with everyone I know and everyone I don't. I offer the feeling, the wonderful light, warm, happy glow, to every being on the planet.

Then a little further down, past The xx and Hot Chip comes another one of Ingrid's incredible pieces, Oh What a Day. One of those perfect break-up songs that isn't bitter and isn't spiteful but speaks with great truth of the pain of heartache and the consequential growth it inspires. It serves as a reminder and it makes me smile.

Then Keep Breathing starts, reflecting much of the same wisdom to be found in Be O.K.

All we can do is keep breathing...

All we can do is keep breathing...

All we can do is keep breathing...

All we can do is keep breathing...

I still feel a bit fidgety and a bit...stuck. But it's not pressing into me with urgency. It's just how I feel at the moment and this is but a moment and then there will be another one and another one and another one.

I'm going to sketch for a bit, perhaps prepare one of the new canvases that arrived last week, maybe work on some character sketches. And I'll remember that everything will be O.K. be O.K. be O.K.

REMEMBER in all capitals, but not shouting - Kait's Mix Tape

Today the sun has been out in full force and I've been listening to my 'meditation mix', a collection of songs with lyrics that remind me to centre and focus. I've been struggling with my Devil painting and it's driving me nuts. I've been trying to find a balance between doing what I have to do to pay the bills and doing what I'm meant to do because I can't not be an artist. As it is I've felt like I've been neglecting myself and this gorgeously sunny weekend has been about figuring out that balance.

Here is a lovely bee that contributed to my contemplative and wonderful weekend.



The Love Generation - Bob Sinclair

I love people. I love how the trouble-makers challenge me to grow and how anyone can be a trouble-maker to anyone else, no matter what your relationship. I love that people that may seem insignificant can have the most incredible impact. I love that without even knowing someone, they can change your life.

I practice compassion as best as I can and I love listening to this song as a reminder for all that. When I go out in the world I'd much rather add to the love on the planet than add to the aggression.

The Healing Room - Sinead O'Connor

When I was fourteen I went to my umpteenth Ontario-based conference with the Students Commission, a national organisation that empowered youth by asking them how they were going to change the world now, rather than when they grew up (Explains a lot about me, doesn't it?). On one of the days we got to go in to Ottowa. Whilst there I found a Sinead O'Connor CD and bought it on impulse. I recalled how my mum and I used to listen to her when I was a kid and I figured this was one of her old CDs. I didn't know about her little debacle or that her career spiraled into a black hole as a result and this was a new album that would go almost entirely unnoticed.

This particular song didn't stick out for me initially but has since become crystal clear. It's about knowing yourself and listening to what you have to say. It's about finding a balance within and using that to balance how you are without.

Be Like Water - Sarah Fimm

I found this song on the D.E.B.S. soundtrack. I adore this song beyond belief. It's so important to remain fluid, to allow change to happen and to not be restricted by putting rules and boundaries around what we feel we should or shouldn't do. Sometimes life will be unhinged and difficult but that doesn't mean we need to run away from it. Running away from what makes us uncomfortable is to deny the very essence of what it means to live. Life is change, life is being hurt, life is smiling and laughing, life is exploring and growing, life is a new job, an old car, a new house, an old city. Life is meant to be lived fluidly and we cannot fill the holes and cracks in another person life. We can't be someone else's fix. We must be our own answer to the life we choose to live.

A Moment to Myself - Macy Gray

"Quit bitching about how nobody really love you..."

Very important to take time to have conversations with yourself. The one person you're with your entire life is yourself and it's so important that you learn to love who that is.

"The answers I've been looking for have been here all this time."

Be O.K. - Ingrid Michaelson

I like dancing to this. I bounce around on my toes and I love it.

...and we all will be O.K.

I promise.

Good Mother - Jann Arden

Keep grounded, face forward, hold onto your heart, love yourself and remember who loves you.

Have a happy Sunday.

Vivaldi - Kait's Mix Tape

"I love that you're listening to classical," she said from the next room over. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"It's not just 'classical' I'm listening to," I responded, coming to the doorway, "it's Vivaldi."

I've often said I love all sorts of music, and I really truly do. My taste is quite broad, which I'm sure many of you have gathered from my past Mix Tape posts. There is no genre of music I haven't found appealing in some way for some reason.

I realise that classical music is often seen as 'boring' or perhaps the sort of thing you might put on to help you sleep. It's also associated with an older generation and although I may joke about being a sixty year old woman (I like to be in bed by ten-thirty and up at the crack of dawn.) I am not actually. But, as I always say, it's not like a person is incapable of hearing music written before they were born. Whether they appreciate it is an entirely different thing and I think appreciation of such things is fostered in the way a child is brought up. I've already shared my appreciation for books, as it was given to me through the clever parenting of my mum and dad. My love of classical music came about in much the same way. My love of all music, really.

Lacking a television meant we often had the radio on. My dad's favourite station is the famed CKUA, which features an abundance of music from jazz, blues, folk, world and of course, classical. I would attribute listening to CKUA with my love of blues. It was listening to my parents record collection that turned me on to the musical revolution of the 60's and 70's. The contribution of my brothers tastes fed my sounds from the 90's. Going over to my best friend's house was a taste of the 80's and the sounds that were made anywhere but North America.

But my love of Classical came from a series of cassettes my parents purchased for me and my brother. Of course you can now get them as CD's, but my memories of them are of the cases littered around my bedroom floor. I would listen to them at night, as I went to sleep. My parents gave me a small black tape recorder, which I was very fond of. With this recorder I listened to these tapes over and over.

The first one we got was Beethoven Lives Upstairs and for this reason it holds a special place in my memory and in my heart. The story is told through the correspondence of letters from a nephew to his uncle. Beethoven moves into the upstairs flat of the boys home and is the source of much fascination to him. The story is filled with his music and snippets about the foul tempered composer.

The collection grew and soon we had Mr. Bach Comes To Call, Tchaikovsky Discovers America, and Mozart's Magic Flute. But it was the purchase of Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery and subsequent discovery of his music which thrilled me most. I've said again and again that my favourite songs always seem to have stringed instruments in them. From 'Glass Vase, Cello Case' by Tattletale to 'Believe Me' by Fort Minor or 'Oh What a World' by Rufus Wainwright. None of these are 'classical', although they may sample from it, but they all have cello's or violins playing a role.

What I remember most from listening to Vivaldi's Ring of Mystery was how it made me feel. The music was so emotional and intense. I would shiver when it was dark and I would fill up, like my heart had grown wings, when it was light. Each sound felt connected to me in an emotional way I couldn't have possibly explained as a child, and still it effects me. To put on Vivaldi or to hear the lift of violins in a pop song never fails to delight. My step may get lighter or I'll feel this need to sit and write or to grab a brush and let the colours from the music flow onto a canvas.

I adore the memory that the sounds bring forth and I love my parents for exposing me to these sounds at such an early age. I believe it fuels much of my creativity today and I'm happy knowing that the most incredible masters of sound were absolute mis-fits. Indeed, these tapes taught me that, to be full of passion and to do what you love, is to be a bit mad.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Always on a plane or a fast train - Kait's Mix Tape

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...


When traveling anywhere I usually have a large carry-on bag of 'entertainment'. This includes a novel, a journal, my laptop and sometimes a sketchbook. It always includes headphones and a device for listening to music. If I was told I could only bring one carry-on item my ipod would be it.


In preparation for this trip I've been noticing more and more lyrics about change, growth and adventures. I'm already thinking of ways to incorporate them into my artwork. A lot of the lyrics influence my journaling and this leads to inspiration for my paintings. I'm busting with ideas and I hope that a few of these lyrics will help inspire you too.


"Oh What a World" Rufus Wainwright

This song was first introduced to me by two friends who sang it A Capella. One of them did the 'back-up', providing his baritone voice as substitution for the drums and cello used in the actual song. The other sang in her classically lilting tones. I love the rhythm of it and the original is just as wonderful as the version done by Nancy Price.


"Walk This Word" and "London Rain" Heather Nova

The first is full of innuendo, but it's also a beautiful love song about adventuring with someone who knows themselves as well as you know yourself.

London Rain is just an obvious one for me.


"Recessional" Vienna Teng

It's set in an airport...or possibly a bus station. Either way, it's beautiful. It's so important to see what is beautiful in each moment we have.



"Dogs Days Are Over" Florence + the Machine

I'm not quite sure what it is about this song, but I can listen to it anytime, anywhere. The lyrics are fantastic and the music itself is incredible. It's the sort of song that is likely to make my foot 'heavy' whilst driving. It makes me want to twirl and dance and laugh and sing along at the top of my lungs.


"Mushaboom" Feist

My favourite line: 'It may be years until the day my dreams will match up with my pay'

And it may very well be, but I'll never let that hold me back. Money can always be made, but once time is gone you can't get it back.


"Live Like You're Dying" Lenka

I discovered this Australian pixie when I heard her song 'The Show', which is also fabulous. But this song has joined the ranks of my OCD mix. There's not a line in it that I don't believe. We are all dying, everyone of us. Some are doing it faster, but that doesn't mean we can't and shouldn't all live like each day is our last. All we have is the moment and the moment is what we make it. We choose how we feel and we choose where that takes us. We are only given so many days, and we cannot trade them in for more.


Essentially, in the words of Mary Oliver:

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

And finally:
"How To Say Goodbye" (Smiles fondly at the spelling of 'au revoir' on the link provided) Paul Tiernan

Goodbye, so long, farewell, au revoir... *smiles the widest smile*

Until next we meet...

Kait's Mix Tape...an on-going Blog idea

This shall be the first of many posts about music.

I love music. It fuels my day, fills my life and gives my heart wings when I need it. My ipod is the equivalent of a bottomless Mix Tape. I've got play lists galore and almost every type of genre. I think my love of a broad spectrum of musical styles is due to the fact that I listen to lyrics. Whilst I'm incredibly talented creatively, none of that talent lies in song. I don't like most of my attempts at poetry, I'm tone deaf and the math behind notes boggles my mind. I leave it to others to fill the world with music, and I consume the words they write and melodious tones they provide ravenously and with great appreciation for their skills.

So it's lyrics I go after and the songs with words which inspire me most go onto a play list I call 'OCD Mix'. These are songs I can listen to on repeat and not tire of and it is this play list which is most often emitting from my computer as I paint. I've been painting more and more as of late, having discovered that this is, in fact, where my passion lies. One such painting was this pair of shoes, which I did in trade for services from a friend of mine who does videography. I'm really happy with the design, as I often am with my shoes. The true test will be his reaction upon seeing them, but I'm utterly confident that he will be pleased.

My musical recommendations:

'One Day Like This' - Elbow

First off, it's got stringed instruments in it. I tell people I love songs with strings and they immediately think I'm telling them I like classical. Don't get me wrong, I do like it, but there are plenty of songs with violin, cello and double bass in them that aren't written by Vivaldi, Bach or Beethoven.

Second, it's beautiful lyrically. Best line: 'Throw those curtains wide...'

'Breaking the Habit' - Linkin Park

Generally these guys are known for being angsty, which they totally are, but this song is less about wallowing and more about realising your potential and ability to master your own fate.

Best line:

'I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright, so I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.

For me this is all about changing how we define regret. Rather than longing to go back and change something, which we cannot do and waste far too much time wishing we could, it's about accepting responsibility for things we've done wrong and promising to surprise ourselves by doing them differently in the future.

'My Skin' - Natalie Merchant

Best line:

'I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness'

I believe the song itself is about the demise of a relationship, but this line in particular means we need all the experiences life has to offer and to accept them as they are without feeling they are either 'good' or 'bad'. They just are what they are and if we hope to grow and change and learn we need it all: dark, sweet, sad and weak.

'I Got a Feelin' - Black Eyed Peas

Good to dance to and completely true.