Avalokiteshvara - Dharma Series

'Avalokiteshvara'
24X36in Acrylic on Canvas

Bodhisattvas are beings that forego their own enlightenment in order to help other obtain their's first. They are the embodiment of an idea, not a deity or mythical being, but a personification of a pure intention. 

Avalokiteshvara (pro. Ava-loke-it-esh-var-a) is the bodhisattva of compassion and one of the most commonly talked about and embraced. I've personally been drawn to Manjusri, which is why the first bodhisattva inspired piece I did for the Dharma series was on wisdom, but recently I've been listening to a lot of podcasts that talk about Avalokiteshvara and I wanted to capture the essence of what genuine compassion entails. 

In Buddhist teachings compassion is a thread that runs throughout. It may seem a simple enough concept - be kind, be genuine, be loving - but practicing true compassion is a bit like walking on a tight rope. There are near enemies masquerading as compassion which catch us up. 

Idiot compassion is when we show care and support to others to our own detriment. We put ourselves in harm's way, possibly with the best intentions, and are blind to the damage being caused by the person we're trying to show compassion for. In situations like this the most genuine approach is often to walk away - to prevent them from continuing to cause harm and to show care for oneself by removing oneself from harm's way. 

Overwhelm is when we feel like there is too much 'wrong' in the world and we have to fix it and don't know how. It is this sense of overwhelm that the words I chose for this piece are addressing. 

A closed heart is not stingy but afraid.
Open your heart.
When we let life touch us we see that we are
big enough to hold it all.

When we begin to show compassion we can also feel like we're opening ourselves up to a lot of pain. By relating to the experiences of others through knowing and understanding our own minds the amount of suffering in the world can feel dominant over joy or wonder. 

The teachings of Avalokiteshvara are showing us another way to be open to the pain in and around us by teaching us how to sit with the unfixable nature of the world. The world is not static - everything is changing and therefore illness, old age and death are inevitable. By embracing the inevitability we learn that these things are not 'bad' or 'wrong'. They are the very nature of the universe. 

Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It merely shifts to something different and the passing of time is constant. Rather than resist this, fight and struggle against it and try to 'solve' what is inherently unsolvable, we can learn to be present for it. 

This presence extends to the joyous and beautiful things in life as well. When we feel agitated because we can't take a picture that will do the setting sun justice or our words are inadequate to describe the smell of a flower, this is another sign that we are trying to 'fix' the world in a particular way. We're trying to hold onto something that is in a state of constant change, rather than relaxing into the constant change and accepting that we are as much a part of it as we are able to observe it. 

When we practice this sense of opening up we will experience a shift in the way we view the world. I feel like this is exactly what is being pointed at in the video asking Neil deGrasse Tyson to share the most astounding fact he's found about the Universe. 

We may be very small but we are interdependent on everything around us. We are and can be as big as the universe, which means we can be present and open to all causes and conditions that may arise. I have felt this sensation of my heart being big enough to hold it all. It was fleeting but profound. It was knowing I didn't have to 'fix' anything because nothing was broken. It was not a passive experience but an empowering one because there is great clarity in seeing what we can control and what we can't. 

The experience is ineffable but I believe it's one that many wise and wonderful teachers do their absolute best to point at. 

"When I reflect on that fact, I look up – many people feel small because they’re small and the Universe is big – but I feel big, because my atoms came from those stars. There’s a level of connectivity. That’s really what you want in life, you want to feel connected, you want to feel relevant you want to feel like a participant in the goings on of activities and events around you That’s precisely what we are, just by being alive." 

- Neil deGrasse Tyson

Dharma Series - Be Unapologetically Magnificent

I recently volunteered myself to paint the fence and deck in the garden of where I live. This resulted in a trip to a local building supplier where an account was officially set-up (Faunawolf Creations now counts as a 'builder' business) and supplies were purchased.

My first step was to paint the bit of stone wall as I figured this would be a quick job I could do on a Sunday morning. I was right, it was a very quick job. My brother is a professional painter/decorator and I think he would be very proud of the end result - which was largely thanks to his advice on the matter.

With the wall painted I began to clean up, but not before thinking it was a lovely blank canvas I'd just created. Evidently, my landlady thought the same thing as a moment later she said, "You know, a mural would look quite good on that." 

I laughed and told her I'd just been thinking the exact same thing and then I realised, she was quite serious. I could have cried with joy, to be perfectly honest, as I've got this thing about doing large scale paintings. 

I asked her what she might be interested in and she gave me a little guidance but was quite happy for me to come up with what I wanted. I considered the space and an idea immediately sprang to mind in line with my Dharma series. I love the shape and elegance of Japanese maple and knew my landlady was partial to the previous piece I did using them. 

The first thing I did was draw and cut out some templates. 

Then I did a quick sketch of the wall and worked out the shape of the branches I wanted to draw. I consulted with the client once more, making sure she was just as pleased as I was with the concept and design. She thought it was brilliant and told me to proceed. 

The branches...

Leaves at the end of the first day of painting

Finished the leaves, now to the text!

'Be Unapologetically Magnificent'

I thought this project would take me a week at least but I've found myself so enthralled with the space and that I've spent both Monday and Tuesday evening working on it, until it was quite suddenly complete! 

The finished piece!!! 

The text for this piece is less my own and more a quote from the recent retreat I attended. Jane Hope was talking about meditation being a way for us to connect with our magnificence - to allow ourselves to BE magnificent. 

This reminded me of a teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh that I'm rather fond of. He talks about being able to see the entire universe in a tree. When you look at a tree you can see the sun because without the sun, there is no tree. And you can see the clouds because without clouds there is no rain and then there is no tree. And you can see the air and the wind because without your breath and mine there is no tree. 

Trees are magnificent. 

The woman I painted this for is magnificent. 

You are magnificent. 

Dharma art - Manjusri

Dharma Art
'Manjusri'
24X36" Acrylic on canvas

A bodhisattva is a person who wishes to benefit others through their own enlightenment. They post-pone their enlightenment so they can be there for other beings and in traditional Buddhist teachings many of them embody specific characteristics attributed to an enlightened mind.

The bodhisattva I identify with most strongly is Manjusri, the bodhisattva of wisdom. Depicted in various ways, depending on the specific Buddhist tradition, Manjusri is most commonly shown holding a flaming sword in one hand and a book in the other. The book represents knowledge and the sword represents doubt. The sword is used to cut through the book, destroying it and the sense of 'knowing' we may think we have when we decide there is a 'right' answer.

The message is to seek questions, rather than answers. To be open and aware of the paradoxical nature of life and to doubt what we perceive to 'know' on the basis that the universe is constantly changing.

The words I used on this piece are as follows:

The universe does not lend itself to being conclusively known. 

This becomes clear when we are awake to the present moment. 

We can see nothing is ever just one way. 

I have great respect for doubt and questions. In my experience answers cause a lot of trouble because an answer assumes there is something 'right' and therefore something or someone can be 'wrong'. But dualistic concepts are subjective.

After reading 'A Brief History of Time' I have spent time reflecting on the second law of thermodynamics. In it's most basic description the idea is that there are statistically more versions of chaos than order. As Stephen Hawking so brilliantly illustrates - one can shake a box of puzzle pieces and there is a chance they will all fall into place as a fully formed image but there is a much greater chance of the pieces landing chaotically.

In short - the universe is not a 'fixable' place. It is not and cannot be static and yet most of us live as if there is a 'pause' button whereby if we get everything 'right' then we can expect smooth sailing.
The teachings of Manjusri (who may or may not have existed) and many others ask us to doubt our ability to 'know' and relax into accepting the universe as dynamic. 

I have been working on shifting my thinking to grasp this concept with greater and greater clarity and painting this piece has acted as creating a reminder.

I am working on having it imaged so prints will soon be available.

Self Portrait in Abstract - imaged

'Self Portrait in Abstract'

Limited Edition prints available for as little as $50CAD

Email faunawolf@gmail.com for details

When I finished painting this I didn't actually like it very much. Not because I thought there was anything wrong with the technique, colour or design, but because it felt a bit too raw for me. A damaged canvas gave me an idea for a painting of myself, an interpretation done in colour alone. I could visualise what I'd do almost instantly and throughout the weeks in which I worked on this piece I tackled it with an almost impersonal precision. I was simply getting the image down on canvas. Transferring an idea into a reality.

But then it was done and it got me thinking about why this was how I saw myself. A dark place in the middle of me, something I try to cover up with bright colours, or try to make separate.

Try as we might, we are whole beings. Our failings, shortcoming, illnesses, aches and pains, they're all just as much a part of us as the parts which are easy to love. This painting is about more than just how I see myself. It's what I know I need to work on. It's about taking those dark parts, those parts which feel broken, and embracing them.

It's about true compassionate love for myself and learning to give myself time rather than forcing myself to a place I'm just not ready for.

Now that I've had it imaged I really like it. I love it, actually. I think it's more accurate than I intended it to be and that's something I'm quite thankful for.

From concept to creation

'Puzzled'

A commissioned piece

The Next Big Thing

The past few weeks I've been working on my final three tarot cards in turn - The Chariot, Justice and The Wheel of Fortune. I usually split my time between two each time I set up to paint. Sometimes I focus more heavily on one for a few days, sometimes I add bits to all three. Either way, the progress is showing and I'm beginning to think about my next big project.

My followers and fans seem to be in the same mind-set, asking me what I plan to do next, hence this entry.

For just over two years I have endeavoured to complete the major arcana of a tarot deck in my own design on 24X36 inch canvases. I have worked on other pieces, such as my Buddha paintings and Dragon a Day project (I'll always dabble and potter and play), but this has been the all consuming thing on my mind as I go about my days. Not having it there doesn't worry me at all. The end of something is always the start of something new and we cannot hope to grow if we do not change our passions and focus.

Of course, sometimes it's about renewing an old passion, or a passion that has always been there but for whatever reason - fear, apprehension, uncertainty - has been put to one side as something to do later.

On Monday I attended my first ever course on writing. I signed up for it over the New Year break. It was described as an "advanced course for writers with a completed manuscript looking to improving their editing skills and prepare for publication." I have one piece which has been edited by someone other than myself. I have several other pieces I've begun to edit. I'm not focusing though and by spreading myself thin I know I'm successfully multitasking my way into not completing anything.

I say it again and again. I am a writer. I've always been a writer. But my soul will not be content until I'm an author, holding a published and bound book of my very own creation. step one has been signing up for this course. Step two is to pick one story, just one, to focus on for the next six weeks.

I will continue working on my paintings until my tarot cards are complete, but the next big project will not involve brush and canvas but pen and paper.

Judgment

The Judgment card represents change. In Buddhism understanding and embracing change are extremely important. The teachings of suffering due to attachment are hinged on the understanding that everything is impermanent. The Judgment card represents accepting this impermanence and embracing something new.

This is the first time I've used text in one of my tarot cards. I do like incorporating my writing into my art, but because these cards are based so strongly on symbolism, I've not felt the need to bring in words. With this one, however, I found a Buddhist quote which I felt fit the mood and meaning of the card extremely well.

I chose a hare because they adapt to their surroundings and the change in weather by changing their coat each year. I have also always thought hares are a symbol of strength and it takes great strength to train ones mind to be comfortable and accepting of change.

I don't know that I'll finish another tarot card this year. I've only three left: The Chariot, Justice and the Wheel of Fortune. My parents are arriving for Christmas holidays on Monday and between visiting, work and Christmas things I don't suppose I'll have a lot of time for painting. Still, I've done ten cards this year and this final one certainly fits the time of year. Change is constant but I think we all become a bit more aware of it as a new year approaches.

Sneak peek at Pema

Her eyes aren't quite right. This has been the thing I've struggled with since I began sketching her out weeks ago. First they were too big. I adjusted this and on the weekend I thought I'd paint them in properly. Now her irises are different sizes. I still like the piece but it is frustrating me. What's frustrating me most is that I don't feel like I have enough time to work on it. I like painting in the cool light of day and by the time I get home the sun has set and the yellow light of my room is all I have to work with.

My intention with this piece? Well, besides doing it out of pure enjoyment as a tribute to a woman for whom I have great admiration, I plan to submit it to the BP Portrait Awards. When I arrived here in January they were accepting submissions for the 2010 awards. It was this competition that Sadie Lee was entered into so many years ago, which is how she has come to be an artist for hire through the National Portrait Gallery.

I don't know that the painting will get anywhere with this particular competition, but I figure it never hurts to have something to work towards. Either way it's challenging me to do a proper portrait and because of my respect and love for Pema Chodron I want to accurately capture her spirit with this work.

I long for a whole day of painting. A day when I know everyone else will be in their offices and my office can be wherever my easel is set up. I long for days where I can set up my paints, brushes and pallet and spend hours without a break, just creating.

Not quite finished yet...

I've been very productive this month. Finishing The Moon has really fuelled me forward and I've already started sketching out two more cards. I also dove straight into painting The Hermit and the card I'm now nearly finished:

The Tower

This card is one that makes me uncomfortable. I've only ever had it in one spread and it was confusing at the time but made perfect sense a few months later.

The Tower is about false heights. It's gaining a place by deception or building a foundation from nothing more than straw and thinking that will hold you in place. It's the moment when the foundation begins to crumble, knocking you from that tower, that place where you thought you had everything worked out. Below you however, all the materials you used were cheap, weak and inevitably going to collapse.

As I've spent a lot of time looking at this deck from a Buddhist perspective and as I began painting this oft dreaded card, I've tried to think about it differently. It could be said that it signifies a loss of ego. It's letting go of all those words or objects that we use to convince ourselves we're someone great and facing up to the fact that we're all on the same playing field.

It can also be about dismantling the walls or barriers we put up thinking we could paint every relationship, every job, every experience with the same brush.

I'm still thinking about it a lot, although the card is nearly done. I've com to realise that it's only a scary card to get because it's a far more forceful representation of the need to change. It's the change that happens when our actions are causing harm to ourselves and others. It's about waking up to the ever shifting ideas that shape us as people. Holding onto something, no matter how much it might have made sense at the time, can do more damage than good. When we are resistant to change we do nothing to slow it down. If anything, it hits us that much more full-on, forcing our hand and forcing the idea that groundlessness isn't actually such a scary place to live.

A Self Portrait in Abstract

"Wisdom is not about how many experiences we have...

Wisdom is not about how many years we have lived...

It is about how many lessons we have learned"

'A Self Portrait in Abstract'

Just a taste

I really am just avoiding my hopeless computer most of the time, which is why this entry is so short. I just wanted to share a taste of what I've begun doing to my shoes...

The Devil

When I complete one tarot card I usually find myself fueled to jump right into the next one. The last card I completed was the Magician and, eager to start my next piece, I did a survey on Facebook and Twitter to see what the general opinion would be with regards to the next card I should do.

The Devil was the inarguable winner and, if I'm honest, the one I really wanted to do anyway. I could picture it quite perfectly in my head and I couldn't wait to begin working on it.

Initially I was fueled with that continued inspiration from completing the Magician, as well as knowing so many people were eager to see my interpretation of this extremely dark card. However, I found my inspiration waining and after one particularly frustrating day of working on the horns, I took it down from my easel and left it facing a wall, tucked away where I wouldn't have to think about it.

I proceeded to spend the following weeks questioning my talent, my inspiration and my motivation. Was I suddenly painting to make a profit or because people expected me to produce something? I was being far too critical of my work, something very out of character for me. I began feeling trapped and almost like I was regressing. I didn't feel like anything I did was 'enough' and when I was creating something, whether it be writing, painting or drawing, it felt almost forced. It was more like checking off a to do list than letting creativity flow for the sake of it.

All of this was making me feel very shaky. Add to this being in a city four-thousand miles from my closest friends and my family and working a temp job that deals with a particularly fatal sort of cancer, it was no wonder I was coming unhinged.

As soon as I stopped fighting the general discomfort I was in and embraced it for the learning experience it was, things began to loosen up a bit. I ventured out to a few social events and decided that I needed to shift my focus for a little while. It was also about this time that I received a package in the mail from my aunt. In it, along with a lovely letter from her, (letters will always trump emails) was a photocopy of some of my Grandma's memoirs.

As a child we can have an incredible connection with our relatives purely for the wonderful unconditional way in which they love us. When we lose them as children we don't get the chance to know them as adults and I have often felt I missed out on this with my Nan. These memoirs, and the second round that arrived last week, have changed that. As I read them and began learning about the incredibly brave, curious and talented woman my Nan was, I began to realised that so much more than the colour of your hair or eyes can be passed down through your bloodline.

Her story gave me so much to reflect on. I returned to my sketchbook, leaving my brushes and acrylics to rest, my unfinished canvases all turned away so I wouldn't feel their incomplete surfaces reminding me I was stuck.

When I did that sketch of my Nan I don't think I actually knew what it was loosening up inside me. I suppose her story has reminded me that life is an adventure and we can either make something of it or just let it just happen to us.

This morning I woke up much later than I usually do. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable knowing I didn't have a bunch of stuff to do for the day and in the back of my mind I was thinking about that unfinished painting I started in May. I decided I could face it if I faced it one little bit at a time and rather than resume with the horns, I started in the corner with the cobweb. I finished that quite quickly and to my satisfaction before moving on to the chain. This was completed with the same ease and sense of self accomplishment. I touched up the horn, added the text and slowly peeled the tape away from the edge to reveal the stark white frame against the intense flames. And I breathed in that feeling of struggle and self depreciation we all experience and I breathed out bravery and a strong sense of self.

I am utterly pleased with this painting, and I think my Nan would be very proud.

Untitled Buddha

One of my birthday gifts this year (Along with some new brushes) were two 15X19 deep edged canvases. I've never used a deep edged canvas before and it was also a smaller size than I prefer, but I saw this as a wonderful challenge. It was a way for me to do something completely different with my work purely because the sort of canvas being used put me out of my comfort zone.

But what to do?

Usually I get an idea and then go buy a suitable canvas for it. This means I've become a bit predictable. My Tarot Cards are on 24X36 inch canvases. They're meant to be consistent as they represent pieces of a deck. By default, when an idea has seized me, this becomes the canvas size I use if only because I usually have a blank one around.

So how to find inspiration for a canvas that sat looking at me, gazing at me with potential, wanting to be filled, but also pushing against everything I usually do?

Obviously I needed to do something equally different with the art that would adorn it. I needed to do something experimental, not so thoroughly thought out as a Tarot Card. It worked for my Blue and Green Buddha pieces, so why shouldn't I access that same sense of exploration with this?

I decided to use my Buddhist nature as my key influence. I'd also tap into some of the more experimental things I'd thought about but not necessarily done before and I went back to some of my old ideas that I had enjoyed but not repeated.

To begin there was a simple sketch...nothing major, just an idea of a tree, a hill and a figure. I applied implied texture to the sky and physical texture to the clouds by layering the paint. As it was I'd just received my plaster cast in the post (For mask making) and felt that the texture thing was working really well. I soaked several chunks of the plaster and built a gloriously bushy representation of the Bodhi tree leaves. Painting the hill with a course hogs hair brush produced some excellent grass, which I criss-crossed with small flowing streams. I left my meditating Buddha to the end, seating him in a red lotus flower that acts as a punctum for the entire piece.

Working on this has been an interesting journey. I have begun to look back on a lot of the work I did in school when I was just embarking on the learning journey of artwork. It's reminded me that we must never think we have mastered anything. There will always be room for growth as long as we remember not to hold on too tight to the way we've gotten comfortable doing things.

I couldn't think of anything to call it besides 'Untitled Buddha', which is also a change for me. Usually I find myself unable to choose from multiple good titles for a piece. So here it is, from me to you. For prints, posters or cards or to purchase the original ($275USD) visit my website.

Under Painting

"Where did you study?"

For some reason I always let out a small barking laugh when someone asks me that question. Yesterday I was asked a lot and I found myself smirking slightly.

Where do I study? Everywhere. Everything in life is a study that can be applied to my artwork.

Certainly, there are techniques that can be taught, but a lot of it is intuitive and ultimately, it's about self expression. For some reason though, I really can't stand doing self portraits, which is why I portray myself as a wolf so frequently. Of course, this was also why I chose to sign up for Sadie Lee's Portraiture class.

I can pull off relatively accurate portrait drawings when I'm in the right head space, but when it comes to drawing a self portrait I cringe. It's my mouth. I can never get it right. And then the fact that I wear glasses and any artist can tell you they're ridiculously difficult. Even photographers are inclined to ask you to take them off for the glare they cause.

So I signed up for my first official 'art lesson' since high school because I knew it would make me have to do something I am entirely uncomfortable with. It was held at the National Portrait Gallery, which just sounds really cool, doesn't it?

'I attended a class on Acrylic Portraiture this Saturday, taught by Sadie Lee at the NPG in London.'

It was really cool, but not because of where it was or who it was (Sadie is brilliant, albeit a bit blunt.) but because it was so different for me. I don't sit in a classroom when I try new techniques. I didn't get instruction on how to use gouache or how quickly one must work when working with water based paints. Certainly there was an element of lesson in High School, but most of this was very simplistic and even then I had to figure a lot of it out on my own.

I figured out under painting when I started 'Guardian'. I was nineteen then, maybe twenty? It occurred to me that, like painting a wall, brighter colours took better when they had a tinted undercoating. Of course my under painting was generally always done in white tinted the colour of the top-coat. I knew a lot of artists used the technique and often grey or green was used. I'd even tried grey in a tentative way once before, but still always tinted with my overcoat colour.

Yesterday Sadie had us do several styles of the same photograph. My favourite was actually the very wet and blobby acrylic on water colour paper, but the ultimate finished project would be the Katz Style canvas. I can't say I'm entirely pleased with the result. The proportions aren't right. But the glasses work and I'm actually really pleased with the light and shading of the sleeves, which make it look like real material.

I did learn a lot and I'm excited to delve further into it. I feel like I've got new tools to experiment with and new ways to take my artwork further. I also got a lovely history lesson about Mary Beale, England's first female oil painter and Angelica Kauffmann, one of the founding members of the Royal Academy. I mention them as Sadie has made it her personal mission to highlight these generally forgotten women in history and I would like to contribute to her cause.

Following the class I went elephant hunting. It was a gorgeous day, I felt the need to stretch my legs, and Green Park was only a short jaunt away. Here they are: a whole parade of elephants.

Ponderfercation

Yesterday I began a new painting. Unlike my usual stuff I've reduced the scale so the canvas is much smaller than what I normally use.

I'm instantly having fun with it, finding myself inspired to do more textured work. The thing is, I usually document and share the progress of a piece quite thoroughly, but I sort of want to keep this one mysterious. This is unlike me. I often come across other artist's blogs where they give little teasers on what they're working on and avoid sharing progress out of a sense of discomfort or worry.

I'm not uncomfortable sharing my process and I enjoy that people ask me how a certain piece is coming along.

(The Devil is on hold until I get my groove back.)

This new piece feels different though. As my weekend class with Sadie Lee approaches I am becoming more and more aware of all the things I want to learn, all the new directions I can take my work to and all the potential I have left to discover. As this potential is as limitless as I choose to make it, I'm finding myself drawn to working outside my comfort zone more often.

I'm comfortable with large canvases, huge sweeping brush strokes and the methodical step-by-step process of developing a Tarot painting.

Having such a small canvas used to be a hindrance to my ideas. I found myself unable to shrink them to fit and I would end up filling tiny canvases with blotches of bright colours, very little detail and even less imagination. That was ago though, and this is now. As it is, I love finding those uncomfortable places. I seek out the sharp corners of life in everything I do. I take plunges and live with the thought that I'd always rather say I shouldn't have done something than wonder what might have happened if I had.

So why not do it with my art?

Of course, after all this revelation sharing I can't not give you at least a glimpse of what I'm working on. So here it is, a fraction of my newest project. Hopefully, in seeing this, you will feel the same curiosity as I do about where it's going.