I Am Mountain

I came across a review of an app called 'Mountain' several weeks back. The general idea is that it generates a mindfulness reminder in the form of a mountain that sits on your phone or tablet. The reviewer seemed a bit confused by the whole concept but I thought I'd give it a whirl given that I'm an enthusiastic Buddhist practitioner, so new tools are always fun to have at hand. Practice in the digital age! 

I downloaded the app and went through the series of questions given to me to determine what shape my mountain would take. 

There are several fun things right away about this app which really entertained me. For example, as it's loading when you first open it the words 'patience' are on the screen. I love this. So much. It reminds me of a practice I do when I'm waiting for something. I call it my 'waiting practice' - to keep things simple.  

I focus on my breath while I'm waiting, wherever I'm waiting. For the doctor, in a queue, for the train to arrive at the station - these are all fabulous chances to just be. 

It was a real challenge for me when I started because the compulsion to look at my phone was so strong. I hadn't realised how much I turned to it for entertainment or distraction. Or how much I used it to feel 'busy' when I had nothing else to do or something was taking longer than I'd expected. 

I still feel the compulsion but it's much easier to just sit with that and experience it. Examine it like, "Oh, that's what's going on now" instead of acting on it. 

Anyway - this app starts with 'patience' instead of telling us to wait, and that's pretty cool and a very good indication of what's to come. 

My mountain...

After the first time it loads you are never asked questions again. You get your mountain and it rotates slowly on the screen. There are clouds and stars come out at night. Sometimes it rains and sometimes it snows. The trees change colour and occasionally there's something random imbedded in it - but the mountain remains largely the same. 

I showed it to a colleague and was promptly met with the question, "But what are you supposed to DO with it?" 

Well - nothing. It's not about doing. It's an app about being. And I find it extremely effective. For example, one morning I was eating my breakfast and trying to read a book. My mind was all over the place though and I couldn't seem to concentrate on the words. So I thought, "I'll check out my mountain for a bit." 

I loaded it up - patiently - and sat eating my breakfast and just watching the mountain slowly turn. My brain almost instantly calmed down. It was just focused on my mountain. The clouds got thick and it began to snow, which was actually really exciting because I'd seen rain on the mountain before but not snow! 

And then some words popped up on the screen. I AM BEAUTY. That was great. Just - something else to contemplate in my day and in that moment as I sat there with my liquid breakfast in hand. 

I have to say - this is probably one of the coolest apps on my phone and a brilliant example of functional design. The creator has managed to successfully capture the essence of mindfulness practice in a digital format.

5 Rhythms Dancing

WARNING! This post has a picture of a foot in it. For those of you who get really freaked out by feet, proceed with caution...

So recently I went to something called 5 Rhythms Dancing, which I would describe as Yoga but really fun. 

For those of you who don't know, the idea behind Yoga is about connecting body and mind and being present through the movements. Same with Tai Chi or Aikido and many other martial arts. These are all meditative techniques that use the movements as the focus for the mind, rather than the breath used in sitting meditation. 

As a big fan of meditation (obviously) I was rather thrilled and intrigued at the idea of 5 Rhythms Dancing when it was explained to me. Effectively it's about connecting with the music, with your body and mind, and just dancing. 

I love dancing. I love dancing so much I actually have to restrain myself from doing so sometimes - like on a really crowded train or when I'm walking down the street and my rucksack is really way to heavy for jigging. 

I would break out into dance pretty much anytime, anywhere given the opportunity.

So I went along for two ours of 'meditative' dance to see how I'd get on. 

And it was amazing. It was like a dream come true to be in a room with the lights down low and the rhythms pulsing in the air and fellow dancers twirling and whirling and stomping around me. And no one was drunk or high and it was a dance studio so the floor was polished wood and not sticky with spilled alcohol like a club would be. 

Mostly everyone was barefoot and I figured socks might be slippy and dangerous so I went barefoot as well. 

Oh how I danced! I don't think I've ever let myself be so free before - which is saying a lot considering my style. It was a really indescribable experience because by the end of it I was just so enthralled with music and the fact that I can dance. I was just in love with my body and movement and sound and every single person in the room with me. I could have hugged them all I was so full of joy. 

Despite the pain in my feet, which were sporting blisters on each big toe and the ball of each foot, I probably could have kept going if it had lasted longer. Putting my shoes on and taking the train back home was not the easiest of tasks. I had to stand awkwardly on the outside of my feet, putting the weight onto my heals. But I was so blissed out from all the dancing that I really didn't care. In fact I even felt grateful for the ability to feel pain. I mean, how cool is that as a mechanism? 

I will definitely be going to 5 Rhythms Dancing again and if you can find one around you I recommend it. It's a great way to be present and it's also a fantastic work out for the whole body. I felt incredibly strong the next day, as if all my muscles had been stretched and prodded out of sleep to join in the dance. 

Just admit you're a fraud. You'll be much happier.

I spent last weekend on a meditation retreat. It was one based in London so it wasn't like I was out in the boonies somewhere, totally disconnected from civilisation. I did refrain from using my phone for most of the weekend and only went on my computer late Sunday after it had ended.

After a retreat I'm exhausted. 

This can be difficult to explain because how does one get so tired just sitting around all weekend?

But meditation isn't just 'sitting around'. Meditation is about being present and for anyone who has ever meditated - even once - you'll be very aware of the fact that we're almost never present.

In fact, the entire theme of this particular weekend, presented by the incredibly delightful Jane Hope, was about recognising the stories we tell ourselves and learning to see what actually is, rather than what we perceive there to be. 

One of my favourite bits of the whole weekend was when Jane was talking about studying these teachings and grasping them at the level of mind (intellectually) but having moments when the teachings suddenly sink deeper and we 'know them on a cellular level'. I found this to be such a wonderful apt description for what happens when our understanding of the world around us deepens because it really does feel like that.

In the case of this particular retreat I found myself revisiting an old wound - seeing a lot of messiness about myself that I always hope I'm leaving behind or that people can't see but that I know is there. Effectively, I spent the weekend just totally embracing that I'm a fraud. 

I never really think I'm 'together' but I know how easy it is to mask something or cover it up and feel like maybe I'm actually more stable than I realised. This was a weekend of seeing my neurosis, how deep it runs and still loving myself regardless. Because I know the people who matter most in my life can see all the messy stuff too and they still love me regardless. They accept me as the complex, messed up human being that I am because the people closest to me know they're just as complex and messed up too. We love each other for it - even if it's not always easy.

So I spent this weekend seeing how much I've not shed and where I'm still messing up and causing pain and being arrogant or foolish. And the neatest thing about it was that it didn't break me because I know that I can't work with anything I'm not willing to see. And I can't accept things as they are if I pretend to be something different. And ultimately, none of this stuff defines me.

But I've rambled on quite enough. I felt this was a good opportunity to share a snippet of a photo piece I did back in February when I shaved my then blue and pink hair off. This is just the first instalment of a triptych which will be on display at my exhibition come December.

Unfixated mind

“You’re going to have to hang out in unfixated mind,” Pema said.

At the time I was shaking with nerves and while I listened to her message I didn’t quite hear it. I was too amped up, too flooded with adrenalin. 

When the recording of the weekend retreat arrived I immediately sought out my question and her answer. I listened to it, wrote it down, and began to listen to the entire talk from the beginning. But things didn’t start to shift until I listened to Elizabeth’s talk – the talk I’d skipped because I was talking to Darcy. 

The talk I probably wouldn’t have appreciated anyway. The talk that shifted my perspective and made me realise how my scramble for an ‘answer’ or ‘reason’ caused me far more pain than it was worth. 

Accepting there doesn’t have to be a reason… life gives us experiences and experiences are the very thing we have to work with – that was what Pema meant by unfixated mind. 

So I went there. I sat in meditation and practiced dropping the story line. 

“How could she lie to me...”

Let it go. 

“But it hurts...”

Let it go. 

“She did this thing...”

Let it go. 

And with every letting go I got closer to my experience, closer to the rawness of the emotion. I felt anxiety, not as a storyline, but as a sensation. It’s tightness in the heart, fluttering in the base of the throat, fizzing in the stomach. 

I felt sadness: A dull kind of ache behind the eyes, heaviness in the heart, a sleepiness of limbs and shakiness of the whole body. Tender, raw, but also somehow gentle. 

I felt grief. Mourning is a wailing sensation in the lungs, the skin aching to be touched, the eyes aching for another’s to look into, hands aching to touch – palms seeking out a surface where there is nothing to hold anymore. 

I felt them and embraced them. I felt them and realised they would not break me. They could not break me. They were a part of me – part of my experience. But not mine because they are human experiences. They are not unique but universal and what binds sentient beings to one another. They are the source of compassion. 

And suddenly I realised that ‘doing’ was unnecessary. In fact it’s ‘doing’ which causes the most hurt. Because ‘doing’ involves a sort of resistance to experience, like something shouldn’t be happening the way it is and must be controlled so it will be different. 

Watching 24 Hours in A&E – a mother sits next to her four year old boy. His femur is broken and he’s in incredible pain. She strokes his head, holds his hand, tells him she loves him and he’s a brave boy. 

To the camera, in the interview, she says she felt helpless. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t help. 

But she was helping, immensely. She was present for him. She was showing him love, kindness, care. She was giving him touch and reassurance in the face of great pain. 

She was there. 

But we get it wrong. We think we have to ‘fix’ it. We think we have failed because we can’t perform miracles to prevent illness, injury or death. 

We do not realise that just being there – holding someone, listening to them, letting them cry or giving them space to vent, even being on the other end of a telephone – is enough. 

Heartbreak hurts the way it does not because of the betrayal or the grievances, the stories we tell about how they wronged us. Heartbreak hurts because someone who we wanted to be there for us isn’t there anymore. 

And it will hurt. 

This is one of the most painful conditions of the human experience. It’s this suffering we have because of impermanence. Suffering because we wish things weren’t impermanent. It’s a bit like being upset about gravity. 

All things are impermanent. Our state of mind is the only thing we have control over and the only way we can work with this natural part of being human – of being a living, breathing, mortal creature. 

It is not a source of further suffering to accept the impermanent nature of existence. When we accept and relax into something we stop struggling. We open up to the experiences we have. We open up and feel the suffering but know that it too is impermanent. 

It is not a punishment. It is not retribution. It is not the muddled mis-understood sort of ‘karma’ that’s about punishment or reward. 

It’s accepting that life is not black and white but multi-hued and chaotic. The nature of the universe by its very birth is chaos. And suffering will not cease when we accept this but we will take it less personally. We will see that viewing suffering as ‘mine’ and about ‘me’ isolates us. It restricts our experience by creating a focus on a single aspect. It’s like looking up at the sky through a straw and seeing only a tiny circle. 

But when we can move from ‘my’ suffering to ‘there is suffering’ or ‘we all suffer’ we stop looking at our pain as something special. Instead we see it as a fact of life, just as joy is a fact of life. Just as any emotion is a fact of life. 

And we can be happy just to be alive. Think about the absolute miracle of the existence of life. That this molten rock could cool and  change and become a source of sustenance. That causes and conditions could come together so perfectly that you and all other living creatures and plants could come into being. 

We can be happy to be able to have an experience at all. Take joy in watching a sunset or the way the moon looks through the phases or the seemingly magical qualities of animals we share the planet with or the fact that all things are made up of the same stuff as stars. 

Because the alternative is death and whilst energy cannot be created nor destroyed, we cannot know if consciousness survives after we are gone. Never mind about an after-life or reincarnation. What we can know is that right now, right here, this is the life we have. This is where we are. And we can choose to be present for it or we can choose to resist experience or have expectations about how things should or shouldn’t be. 

I have known many people who are open to life in this way, just as I’ve met people who have expectations about almost everything. They expect a certain job or a certain sort of behaviour from those around them. They expect the weather to turn out a certain way or a holiday to go exactly as planned. They expect so much from everything and everyone that they spend their lives angry, frustrated or disappointed. 

Hell is not some place to be found in the afterlife. Hell is something we create for ourselves by holding onto so many expectations so tightly. None of us are without the experience of Hell because we have all generated an idea of what should or shouldn’t be. 

Sometimes we are good at letting things go or being present. Sometimes we don’t have the propensity to be bothered by something that seems to really bother someone else. But that doesn’t mean we are unflappable or holding onto an idea with our fixed mind somewhere else in our life. 

I know what the Hell of expectation feels like and I have incredible compassion for others because I know how hard it is to let go of expectations. I also know how hard it is to even see how we create these Hells for ourselves. 

Being open to life can come easily when things are going well and fitting into our expectations. When we get the job we wanted or the person we like likes us back we can convince ourselves that we are incredibly open and embracing of life. 

But genuine openness and genuine happiness comes from ‘walking the walk’. It’s not enough to sit in meditation regularly but then not apply what we learn to life away from the cushion. It’s not enough to share that meme with wise words but then not live by or embrace what they mean. 

Genuine openness is being present for the sunset even when our heart is breaking. Being in awe of the brightness of the full moon even when our body is in pain. Being amazed at the age of a tree even when we are flooded with anger. 

To live well and embrace life is to accept all of life. To accept the pain and the joy. To not cling to either. To not be the martyr nor the saint. 

To live well is to ‘be’. 

And when you think you’ve ‘figured it out’ let go of that too. 

The Art of Happiness

I'm up to twelve books read so far in 2014 - lagging behind my dad by quite a few unfortunately. He's had a few flights for work to his advantage. 

Still! I press on. 

Today's review is:

Not actually written by the Dalai Lama, this book is a compilation of conversations Howard Cutler had with the spiritual leader. I've wanted to read it for a long time as Pema Chodron often refers to tidbits from it in her talks. 

I think what I appreciate most about this is how the Dalai Lama shares his insights so openly, with a total lack of spiritual materialism. To give that some context, in case the phrase doesn't automatically make sense to you, 'spiritual materialism' is that air of knowing that someone can put on which just comes across as dogmatic arrogance. It's not really dogmatic in a Buddhist context since Buddhism is non-theistic, but the idea is that spiritual materialism breeds fundamentalism. 

The Dalai Lama is in no way a fundamentalist and genuinely seeks to encourage a path of enlightenment for all beings regardless of their belief system. As he says in the book, "Whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of life is towards happiness." 

The idea is that happiness is not a thing but the very way in which we view our world. His way of communicating these ideas is poignant and beautiful, and he encourages use to test everything he says against our own reason. Blind faith has no value and the Dalai Lama recognizes that in today's age those who follow a religion faithfully are far fewer than it used to be. He embraces this fact and even rejoices in the shift from faith as religious belief to faith as general human practice, without the need to believe in something mythical. 

Loved it and can't recommend it enough! Whether you want a better understanding of Buddhism, you would like to understand people better or you just want some good common sense to read, this is a lovely book. 

The Little Book of Mindfulness

I was asked to review this book for 'Single Step' - a quarterly magazine out out by Depression Alliance. I've gotten involved with them through work as they've recently launched a support forum call Friends in Need. It's a great community and I'm really enjoying being involved in it.

And now, the review! 

I first began to practice mindfulness in 2008 as a way to help me recover from a complete mental breakdown. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression at the age of seventeen and at the age of twenty-three the fact that I had no real coping mechanisms or positive mental health practices caught up with me. 

I began seeing a psychologist who specialised in anxiety disorders and used cognitive behaviour therapy as one of her methods of treatment. She recognised very quickly that I was more than willing to work with my thoughts to find a solution to my excessive neuroses and on one of our very first sessions she talked me through the mindful eating of a raisin. 

Her approach was brilliant as it demonstrated to me the capacity I have for mindfulness and that everyone has an experience of it. Lately mindfulness seems to be ‘trending’ and it’s very easy to get caught up in it on a superficial level without an intrinsic understanding of what it involves. 

The Little Book of Mindfulness is like the Coles notes of everything I have learned in the last six years. I can emphatically say it not only presents mindfulness in an accessible way, but it can act as a refresher or tool for long-time practitioners. 

Sampling tidbits from a multitude of teachers with both psychological and spiritual backgrounds, this offers a well rounded view of the practice and how we can go about making it a conscious part of day to day life.

A Book Review!

I'm a big reader. Last year I read 40 books. In 2012 I competed with my dad to see who could read the most. I finished with 63, beating him by a single book. I'm glad I didn't compete with him last year as he set a new personal record - reading 89 books by the year's end - the most he's read in a year since he started keeping track.

I'm not in the same competition this year although my dad and I always compare our lists when we Skype each weekend. We summarise where we're at, what we're reading currently and what we have coming up.

This regular chat we have is something I love and it got me thinking. I would say probably every fifth or sixth book I read is so incredibly influential that I want to share it with my parents and anyone else willing to listen. Anyone who knows me knows I won't shut up when I've read something particularly good.

So I'm always looking for stuff to write about in this blog and it occurred to me: Why not book reviews?!

What a great way to share something I've discovered!

To start off I'm going to review the first book I finished reading in the New Year:

Bolte Taylor is a neuroscientist, inspired to study the brain after her brother was diagnosed as schizophrenic. 

At 37 she suffered a massive stroke on the left hemisphere of her brain. As a brain scientist she grew very curious about her experience and she attributes her recovery to her knowledge and understanding of the brain's elasticity and ability to create new neural pathways when old ones have been damaged or destroyed. 

I don't want to reveal any spoilers so that's all I'll tell you about the contents. 

I love this book. I love this book so much I'll probably re-read it this year. I love this book so much people who know me will probably soon own their own copies. That's how amazing I found it. 

As someone who meditates I believe very strongly in the power of the mind and the present moment. I have done Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with my psychologist and believe wholeheartedly that working to change habitual thoughts patterns does change how we feel about and respond to life. 

Bolte Taylor's writing confirms all of this and shares it in language that's easy to understand. Reading the experience of someone who has medical training on how the brain works is both fascinating and affirming. The way she breaks down the role each hemisphere plays and how they communicate together is wonderful. Her subsequent revelations based on the experience of 'reconnecting' that communication opened my own mind to new ways of thinking. 

I feel her most profound revelation was that we control our brains, rather than the other way around. This was a discovery she didn't make as a brain scientist but as a stroke patient in recovery. As a result she has developed some incredible tools to ensure a sense of happiness and wellbeing and discourage negative patterns of thought.   

I have been using some of the tools she describes to work with my own thoughts, with profound results. Her insight is incredible and I'm extremely grateful to her for sharing her story. I appreciate that she shared it largely to assist people in recovering from or supporting someone recovering from a stroke, but I think it would be beneficial to anyone willing and interested in working with their mind.

Typography and meditation

Off to meet Pema soon...

I am a Buddhist. I don't have a particular Sangha (Buddhist community) that I practice with but I sort of just embrace the world as my Sangha and do what works for me - which is the essence of Buddhism so I figure that's alright.

I do, however, have a teacher I follow quite closely. I've been a fan of Pema Chodron since I first bought and read 'Start Where You Are' (good advice, by the way) on the recommendation of my psychologist. What I love about Pema is the clarity with which she explains things. Whether you're a Buddhist or not, what she says is mostly just good, common sense. To be fair, most Buddhist teachings are just good, common sense:

Love yourself.

Choose your own path.

Be compassionate based on the knowledge that everyone else is just as confused as you are.

Everything changes.

Believe nothing unless it fits your own sense of reason.

No one does anything because they want to feel worse.

Death is inevitable.

You can't change other people and outer circumstance. You can change your mind.

Thoughts are like clouds in the sky or waves on the ocean - they come and go but above them is something vast and wide open.

Live with curiosity.

Be genuine.

And so on...

So I'm a fan and I spend a lot of time reading Pema's stuff and listening to her talks and so on and at the end of this month I'll be seeing her in person and hearing her speak at a retreat in Rhinecliff, New York.   I'm pretty damn excited as I made up my mind to finally go see her speak late in 2011. I quickly discovered she was in solitary retreat for all of 2012 so I had to wait until January of this year to finally book to attend one of her talks.

An opportunity to practice patience.

Learn to meditate

I write quite a bit about meditation, its benefits and why I am a firm believer in working it into my daily life.

My passion for this incredible tool has led me to running introductory meditation classes this month, the first being this Friday. I want to dispel the myths around it, so it's open to people who have tried meditation but might be struggling a bit, as well as those who want to give it a go for the first time.

In the class I'll cover posture, focusing on the breath, and open it up to some discussion about the reasons for meditation. I am taking a very relaxed approach because I believe everyone can meditate and it shouldn't be intimidating or inaccessible. It's also extremely personal so this will be an opportunity to explore what works for you and how you might be able to fit it into your day to day life.

Places are still available so if you'd like to learn how to meditate register for one of the two days now.

Cultivating wisdom

Two weeks ago I put the finishing touches onto a manuscript I’ve been working on in one form or another for over a three years now. Last week I posted it off and now I wait, in six weeks time, to hear from the first two agents I’ve chosen. 

The book is my first non-fiction piece (Most of my writing is young adult fiction) and it was initially inspired by my own experience with anxiety, depression, a mental breakdown and heartbreak. 

In my life thus far I have encountered many people suffering due to the stresses of modern life - scrambling to find happiness as though it were a physical thing we could hold or something we could build or buy. I have also had many experiences in which I was able to feel great compassion for people from entirely different backgrounds because I could recognise our shared human experience of emotion. 

This compassion and the belief I have that growing it will benefit myself and others is why I am so passionate about being a life coach. It’s also why I chose to write this book. I have an insatiable desire to help those around me and I believe that all human beings, everywhere, are capable and deserving of happy, content lives. I also believe that the way to attain this is through the cultivation of wisdom. 

Wisdom is on a deeper level than knowledge, which is something I discuss in my book and something which I invite the reader to explore further. As someone seeking to cultivate wisdom I use a multitude of tools and recognise that each one works for a different reason and that not all tools will work for everyone. 

But I believe that everyone has the ability to grow their wisdom. In doing so we can all offer something to those around us, through our shared understanding of the world as it truly is. 

In the coming weeks I’ll be posting some examples of the artwork I’ll be including in my book to http://www.FaunawolfCreations.com/writing.html 

Following on from the cultivation of wisdom, I’m soon going to be offering meditation classes! I’m just confirming the dates and times and will be announcing the details in my next Newsletter. If you want to be the first to know (As space on this course will be limited) you can sign up for the Me First Newsletter. 

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com 

Meditation - Getting to know yourself

I've been practicing meditation for five years now and I am a firm believer in its benefits. I don't believe you have to identify with a particular religious or spiritual sect in order to meditate and appreciate what meditation can do for you, but I do think it's important to understand what meditation means. To do this it's a good idea to seek out different teachings an teachers to gain a stronger understanding.

In recent years the psychoanalytical world has taken a keen interest in meditation as the benefits of the practice have been observed for centuries. Through meditation people have solved issues with anxiety, depression, addiction, chronic pain and countless other ailments which tend to hinder a human being from embracing life to the fullest. As medical professionals have taken an interest, so too have the public. A growing number of people are reading the works of Pema Chodron, Sharon Salzberg and Eckhart Tolle. Audio books, CDs and YouTube all offer multiple guided meditation practices of varying sorts.

Yet I find there are often misconceptions when it comes to the nature of meditation and a meditative state. 

MYTH: Meditation is relaxing - Anyone who has done any amount of meditation knows this isn't true. The actual act of sitting still and focusing on the breath is a challenge. Our bodies can grow uncomfortable and weary even when our posture is right. Our minds are also a general whirlwind. Thoughts arise on their own and the act of 'not thinking' is far more challenging than most realise.

In fact, to meditate well, one must create a sense of relaxation prior to sitting. It is a good practice to allow some time - five minutes even - before sitting down to meditate to come into your body and relax your mind. Repeating phrases such as, "I am here now, and nothing needs to be done" or taking five to ten deep, deliberate breaths, are great ways to calm the mind and body and prepare for meditation. 

MYTH: Meditation is blissful - Meditation is a practice done to cultivate wisdom. We meditate to focus the mind and in doing so gain a more resourceful state. A resourceful state is merely a state in which we are able to act effectively, rather than irrationally or with strong emotion. A resourceful state is any state in which we can perform at our best. 

When we meditate we focus the mind and experience the state we are in at that very moment. We free ourselves from the distraction of the past or the future or any story lines we may be holding onto. In any given moment we could be experiencing a range of feelings from calm to anxious, happiness to anger. Meditation allows us to sit with our experience rather than being averse to it or clinging to it. 

For anyone who has ever sat with their anxiety, anger, sadness or any other feeling commonly referred to as 'bad', the feeling is not one of bliss. It can actually be quite scary to sit with an emotion which makes us uncomfortable but in doing so we can recognise that emotions are as fleeting as our thoughts. They come and go, ebb and flow, just like the tides.

MYTH: Meditation will 'fix' you - I don't believe that people are broken. People can be confused, oblivious, in turmoil, struggling, frustrated, neurotic and so on, but these states are not broken states. They are simply unresourceful states which can make life seem challenging to lead. 

The purpose of meditation is not to 'repair' anything but to learn to accept what is. Meditation is an exploration of the self. 

Many of us, myself included, do whatever we can to ignore or avoid the things about ourselves which we don't like. We can use any manner of distraction. I used to throw myself into work or into 'fixing' other people in order to avoid working on my own stuff. Through meditation I became acutely aware of this fact.

At first, seeing ourselves for who we are and all the things we do, even the things we are averse to, is actually quite disheartening. It can be crushing to our spirit to think that we are not put-together, well-adjusted beings.

But meditation is not about just being able to see where we are still growing or in need of change, it's about embracing the fact that we are flawed. Until we obtain enlightenment we will always be flawed but our flaws are part of us just like anything else. They do not define us but they do contribute to who we are as individuals.

Meditation allows us to make friends with ourselves, warts and all, and in doing so learn to let go of those things which are not beneficial to our growth. 


These are only three misconceptions about meditation practice, but three which I have encountered most often. The important thing in all of this is to find out what works for you. Seek different teachers, different teachings and different methods. Until you have found one that suits your own sense of reason, do not settle. 

If you would like to learn more about meditation and how it can benefit you, it's one of the tools I use in my life coaching to help you access your own unlimited potential.

  I was asked to make a contribution to the C.R.O.W.N (Creating Radiant Outgoing Women Now) Project, a blog that aims to help build the self esteem of women all over the world. The entry I wrote was published today so please go take a look-see at it.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Enjoying your own company

Loch Voil, in the valley where Dhanakosa is located

I was away for eight day at the end of July, beginning of August. I attended a retreat at the Dhanakosa Buddhist centre in Scotland. It was an amazing time for me as I was able to spend a lot of time in my own company. 

I know that, for a lot of people, the idea of spending time in your own company can actually be quite frightening. I know this because I used to really dislike being in my own company. I used to go through long periods of depression and for several years I suffered from an anxiety disorder. For anyone who has experienced depression or anxiety (Which is probably everyone reading this) the idea of spending time alone in your won head when either of these very strong emotions is running its course isn't just uncomfortable but potentially frightening and possibly even dangerous.

It took a lot of work and a lot of paying attention to what was going on for me to work through both of those things, but here I am! I've gone nearly two years without taking medication, loving who I am and being able to spend time with that person.

For me this retreat was a big step in that it meant I was going for my own growth and not to run away from anything. I am a firm believer in not running away from your problems. This is because you can't. The thing about your problems is that they belong to you and therefore, wherever you run, they will follow. But there can be exceptions to this rule. For example, if your problem is that you really want to go travelling but you can't seem to motivate yourself then running away is, in fact, solving a problem.

I want to talk about this problem of inaction because that's the sort of problem I help my clients solve. The problems that niggle and sit there but always seem easier to ignore than to deal with. First of all, ignoring something doesn't make it go away. In fact, ignoring something is usually a really good way to aggravate it to the point where you can't ignore it anymore.

Depression and anxiety are a good example of this. Depression begins in sadness and anxiety begins in fear. Both are natural emotions which must be expected in life. They are just things that happen and generally, they are there to tell us to pay attention. Sadness is asking us to pay attention to loss or a need not being met. Fear is telling us to prepare or plan for something.

Ignore them and they will become more urgent. They will grow in strength as they work to get you to pay attention to the issue at hand. The more you don't listen to them the louder they become and at their loudest they are no longer sadness and fear but depression and anxiety. Leave it even longer and they can become Clinical Depression and Panic Disorder or some other diagnosable mental illness.

Learning to enjoy your own company means learning to listen to these emotions as they arise. When we can pay attention to them from the start we can see what needs or wants are being neglected and rationally determine what is needed.

This retreat was great as it allowed me time and space to sit without distraction and reflect on the things which fulfill me. I was able to focus my energy, appreciate the amount of time in a day, and really analyse what I want to do in the coming months. It was also a chance for me to pay attention to some of my own little niggles which I've not given a chance to be heard.

Giving yourself time and space to be heard is important. No one else is going to do that for you though, so you need to give yourself the right setting and tools to go there. This isn't always easy, especially if you've not done it before or done it often. As a coach I believe in giving my clients the space they need to listen to their own dreams, hopes and wishes. Then, working together, make them a reality.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com
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Out breath

There is a meditation practice known as Tonglen. The idea behind it is a bit difficult to explain because so much has become lost in translation, but the principle is that doing Tonglen allows us to embrace our shared humanity and awaken our natural compassion. 

As human beings we don't really like feeling uncomfortable or distressed. Emotions such as anger, fear or sadness get labeled as 'bad' and emotions like joy, happiness and excitement get labeled as 'good'. 'Bad' emotions are considered unpleasant and unwelcome so the natural thing to do is reject them. We do any number of things to not feel bad. We buy stuff, we smoke stuff, we drink stuff. All of this might make the bad feeling go away for a bit, but ultimately it doesn't eliminate it. It just sort of masks it for a little while and we get a temporary 'good' feeling. 

When we feel good about something we hold onto it really, really tightly. And generally this makes it last half as long as it could. We get convinced that something was perfect so we try to recreate it so we can experience that joy again. We can become formulaic as we seek what makes us happy. And we can get quite greedy about it. When we find something that makes us feel good we can cling to it selfishly, as though sharing it might mean there is less for us. 

But happiness is unlimited, as are joy and excitement, glee and amazement, contentment and passion. There is more than enough to go around because it is limitless. But it doesn't last forever. And neither do anger, rage, fear, sadness, or grief. They are like passing clouds and every emotion is an opportunity for us to become more aware. 

The practice of Tonglen is about flipping our clinging and pushing tendencies around. Instead of doing whatever you can to get rid of an unpleasant feeling, Tonglen asks you to breathe it in. To sit with it, experience it and know it. It asks you to embrace it for the sake of every other being on the planet who has or does feel the same way. 

 But this blog entry is about the out breath. Because the out breath is when we breath out the pleasant feelings we would normally cling to. The idea is to share that feeling with the world in the hope that it benefits others. Often this out breath is accompanied with classic lovingkindess phrases such as 'May all beings feel this joy' or 'May all beings feel this contentment'.

And it can be from anything - the pleasant feeling that may arise when you have a perfect cup of tea or the absolute thrill you get from receiving tickets to see your favourite artist perform as a gift. The idea is that the experiences which give us pleasant feelings can vary but the emotions themselves are universally understood. What makes me happy might not necessarily make you happy but the feeling of being happy is the same. 

This is my Out Breath post. 

 A fog so thick I couldn't see the Thames. It filled me with a calm sort of awe at how absolutely beautiful the world is. The thick, white blanket of fog transformed a familiar view into a thing of mysterious beauty.

 May all beings everywhere feel this sense of wonder. 

 A patch of bright daffodils on the edge of Hyde park. They were grown in a square, their lovely yellow faces turned towards the spring sunshine. It made me want to skip like when I was a kid, giving me a sense of freedom and delight.

 May all beings everywhere find joy in small things.

The bare twisted branches of the trees spiralled up into the perfect, clear blue sky. The sun was warm on my skin. The music on my iPod was a perfect soundtrack. The breeze was a perfect accompaniment to the sun.

May all beings everywhere find contentment. 

The idea I like best about this out breath is that you can give these feelings as you would give a gift. This was my day and I offer it to each and every one of you.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com