Good mental health

'Diaries of a Broken Mind'
Screen capture from BBC3

BBC has been running a series of different mini-documentaries on mental illness. I decided to watch a few of them through iPlayer because I'm always fascinated by the way the media portrays mental illness and because it's also been on my mind quite a lot since the release of Wise at any Age - which was inspired by my own experience with an anxiety disorder and depression.

The last show I watched was called Diaries of a Broken Mind and it followed several people under the age of 30 as they described their lives with everything from anorexia to agoraphobia.

Almost all of them said they 'hated it' or that they just wished they could be 'normal' and towards the end of the documentary they were asked this question:

Would you get rid of your condition if you could? 

This statement says so much about how far too many people view mental illness, including those who  currently have one.

This statement presupposes that all mental illness is somehow incurable.

As it was, I began writing what would become Wise at any Age the day I was told I no longer had a disorder, which is why this question irks me so. I no longer suffer from Panic Disorder and haven't experienced a bout of depression in over five years - just like I don't have shingles anymore or a cold or the flu or any other number of illnesses I've experienced.

Mental illness, just like any illness, isn't necessarily a chronic condition. Like any illness, it requires a great level of care and balance to recuperate from it and like any other illness, it can come up again.

Because of my anxiety I learned how important it is to love yourself first and best. Because of my anxiety I learned to listen to my gut and trust my own sense of reason. Because of my anxiety I have learned how important it is to pay attention. Because of my anxiety I have learned that I am resilient, capable, and entirely able to recover, grow, and change.

I know a lot of people will question how someone aged 28 came to write a book about wisdom. The entire point I'm making is that we can and will gain wisdom at any point in our lives, if we're paying attention to the lessons and looking at the world with curiosity. In the BBC Mini-Series Don't Call Me Crazy a thirteen year old makes the very wise observation:

"OCD doesn’t define who I am. I like music, I like playing the guitar, I like bands, I like the colour yellow, I like chocolate… I don’t like them because I have OCD. I like them because I am Emma"

So here's a question I'm throwing out there - taking into account that even those with something chronic can create coping mechanisms and a support network that will help them recover from a hopeless place: 

What have you learned from your experience with mental illness? 

Falling

Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?

I certainly have. It's terrifying, isn't it? You're going along, living your life as you expected you would, looking into a future you've had planned out for some time when suddenly you get blind-sided. You find yourself tumbling forward into an abyss which seems bottomless. You reach out to catch something or someone, anything at all to stop the downward plunge, only to find that there is nothing in reach.

It is terrifying. But it's also a brilliant place to be.

When life takes you by surprise - delivers the unexpected - it's an opportunity for growth. Sometimes it might be a small thing like your car breaking down on a busy road on the way to work. This is a chance to practice patience. To see how resourceful you can be in a stressful situation, test your ability to solve the issue at hand, to be patient with the inconvenience, to accept that some things will be beyond your control.

Sometimes it's going to be significantly larger. Your partner of several years leaves you. Your employer makes you redundant. You're in a skiing accident which leaves both your legs in full casts.

Everything is unhinged and any plans or expectations you had for the future will suddenly be uncertain, or impossible. These situations can be upsetting, challenging and difficult but they are not without benefit.

Life will always have difficulties - this is an unarguable fact. How we choose to respond in the face of the unavoidable is entirely up to us.

When life takes us on unexpected and unplanned turns it's an opportunity to open up to more choices, to see things from a different perspective, or to change the way we think.

It's also a wonderful way to see our strengths. When we are challenged we get to see where we need to do more work, but we can also see where we are incredibly strong, resilient or skilled.

The choice of how we respond is always ours. We can take our circumstances in stride or we can wallow. Personally, wallowing just makes me feel a bit gross. I might have a few sympathetic shoulder pats from the occasional person who will listen to me whinge, but int he long term I won't feel any better and will probably end up making myself feel worse in the long run than I did initially.

I've come to love falling. Not that I go looking for adversity but I'm not afraid to take a step into the unknown. That would be why I decided to move to London nearly three years ago. I didn't have a set idea of what would happen but I was willing to find out. Believe me, it has been an incredible adventure and one I wouldn't change for the world.

Ready to take the leap yourself? www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Know Your Worth

The quality of this image isn't very good. I don't have a scanner so I took a picture of it with my little point and shoot.

It says: "Library Management Structure" but the sentiment of this can apply to almost any work place.

At the top of the pile is Winnie-The-Pooh, acting as Chief Librarian (Or CEO, Executive Director etc.) Pooh says, "I am the Chief Librarian. I serve committees, direct policy and plan future developments. Without me there would be no library service."

Under him is Alice in Wonderland, acting as the Library Manager but representative of 'upper management' in general. She says, "I am the Library Manager. I manage the staff, set standards, implement new developments and carry our policy. I am essential to the library service."

Holding up Alice is the Mad-Hatter, who plays the part of the Assistant Librarian, or 'lower level management'. He says, "I am the Assistant Librarian. I bring my professional skill to bear on difficult enquiries, supervise staff & maintain standards of stock and service. The library could not manage without me."

At the bottom of the tower, quivering on his tiny legs, is Piglet. Piglet represents the Library Assistant. He could be the office assistant, the secretary, or the administrator. Piglet says, "I am the Library Assistant. I issue, discharge and shelve books. I answer the phone, send out over-dues, type letters, repair the stock, take book requests and deal with what enquiries I can. I am not really very important."

And then Piglet walks away and the entire pyramid collapses.

I worked in a library once, very briefly. I have to say this is an accurate reflection of my experience there. But it's also an accurate reflection of my experience working retail, not-for-profit and in charity. From talking to those in the corporate world, the story is the same. This happens a lot.

What is it, exactly, that's happening? Well, there's clearly a rift in communication and a lack of understanding regarding the role of everyone within the business, be it a corporation or a charity. I have had some phenomenal managers and the key characteristics of a good manager are an ability to listen, build rapport and effectively support all members of the team in the specific ways they require.

I've also had my fair share of really rubbish managers. People with little or not respect for the people who keep the cogs of the system running every day. People who are hopeless when it comes to listening or understanding the needs of the business and of the people running it. People who think there is a 'trick' to dealing with people and that everyone can be painted with the same brush. People who micro-manage.

You can't pick your managers and sometimes you'll have good ones and sometimes you'll have dreadful ones and sometimes you'll have some that manage to be pretty O.K. Regardless, if you're going to work for someone else you're bound to come across all sorts and we all know you can't change a person.

Well, you can't change other people. There is one person you can change. You see that little Piglet at the bottom? If Piglet were to reflect on his role a little bit, to consider everything he does, he would see that there is huge value to his position. He is essential to the team. As essential as anyone else in the system. And if Piglet truly saw it and truly believed it then he would have an incredible gift.

Change the way you think. Think about what you're worth. When you're working for someone else you are giving them your time. What is the value of that time? Is your time any less important than the person who manages you or the person who manages them, and so on, to the top?

I'll give you a hint, the answer begins with an 'N'.

No. Your time is just as valuable as anyone else's. Piglet matters just as much and if he knew his value, if he knew his worth, he would be able to see that the structure needs him just as much as it needs any of the others.


www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com