Purging

"Death" Acrylic on Canvas

Original and prints available

The concept of attachment is a very interesting one. In Western society the definition of attachment seems to get mixed up with the definitions for desire, greed and wants. Attachment is not about longing or the accumulation of possessions.

By purchasing a thing one does not commit to attachment. Attachment is when we identify with our possessions in such a way that we grieve at the mere thought of losing them. One common meditation practice is to do a visualization which involves giving away or losing all your possessions. Imagine everything you own. Every item of clothing, all your shoes, books, DVDs, CDs, electronics - TV, computer, laptop, radio, GPS device, phone, mobile - dishes, decorations, appliances, furniture. As you picture each one imagine giving it away. Doesn't matter who to, just as long as it will no longer in any way be in your life. You could post it to a friend overseas or in another country, give it to a stranger on the street or hand it over to a homeless person.

You don't have to do this with absolutely everything you have but try it with a variety of different things because the level of attachment we have can vary greatly depending on our emotional connection to something. For example, giving away your microwave might give you a sense of apprehension but probably won't upset you as much as giving away something really personal like a journal you wrote or the only photograph you have of a beloved relative no longer with us in body. You may also find that the attachment you feel has something to do with your ego because you feel your identity is determined by the specific clothes you wear or the art you choose to hang on your walls.

The idea behind this visualization - behind any meditation practice - is to create a greater sense of awareness. By paying attention to how we feel about the loss of our possessions we can tune into our emotional responses and be guided by what they are telling us. This means we can take a more practical or objective look at our lives and the things we own.

As a result of doing these practices I have developed an agreement with myself. I don't like to work in rules because our brains tend to treat a rule as unchangeable where an agreement has the flexibility to fit in with the fact that our situations, ideas and opinions are constantly changing.

My agreement is to assess the things I own on a six month basis. I ask myself a few key questions:

1. When did I last use/wear/enjoy this item? Was it in the last six months? Was it longer than that?

2. Why have I not touched it? Is it seasonal? Specific to a project I'm not in the thick of at the moment?

3. Is it something I can feasibly see myself needing/wanting in the next six months? For example, am I likely to find a new painting project to do despite having not painted a lot since completing my Tarot cards?

The reason it's an agreement rather than a rule is because some things will take up my interest again even if they're not central to my life at the moment. Other things need to go.

There might a shirt that's been hanging in my wardrobe for eight months - it's perfectly nice, fits me and I quite like it but the occasion to wear it hasn't come up. When did I wear it last? Why has it been so long? Do I really think I'll wear it again? Would it not be better to send a perfectly good shirt to a charity shop where it can be appreciated by someone and help a good cause?

Why not try it for yourself? Give it a go and see what happens. Maybe you'll do it on a 12 month basis, or an 8 month basis. Find a measurement that works for you.

By purging regularly we can help improve the energy in our lives. Old, unused, unappreciated stuff creates clutter which can effect our ability to sleep, our energy when it comes to caring for the space we live in and our attitude towards change.

A regular purge can clear up space that can be used for a new project, a different look to a room or an opportunity to try something you haven't before. Plus you'll have a rewarding feeling by giving your unwanted items to someone who will appreciate and enjoy them.

Only one thing? How terrifying...

Years ago there was a mentality that you by the time you were graduating you should probably have made up your mind as to what you would do for the rest of your life. The importance of this was handed down and taught in such a way that it implied anyone who hadn't decided at the age of seventeen or eighteen was going to be unfulfilled and unsuccessful.

Times have changed and more and more people are embracing and understanding that few people will have a single career in their lives. You've only got one life and it's important to use it to the best of your ability.

I was lucky enough to be raised by parents who always told my brother and me that we could and should do everything we wanted with our lives. A thought which can easily become overwhelming, but take a look at the flip side.

How would you feel if you were told you could only do one thing for the rest of your life? Personally, the idea of that terrifies me. A single occupation? Only one interest for my professional life? A specialisation which I must commit to until retirement?

I think not.

To do only one thing with you life isn't impossible and there are a few who are content to find their niche and stick with it because it does fulfill and satisfy them. That's fine, and wonderful for them. But they are a very few.

Most of us have a lot of directions our lives could take. We may dip our toes in one interest or dive in head first to another - but our lives are not a single pool and the direction our lives go in is entirely up to us. We have as many options as we're willing to be open to. Life really is what you make it.

Impossible, you think? Too much choice and you lack focus or you won't get anywhere? Perhaps some examples from history can convince you.

Aristotle was a playwright and poet as well as a teacher of a multitude of subjects like physics, linguistics, and ethics, to name a few.

Maria Agnesi was a professor who was also a great linguist, logician, theologists, algebraist, mathematician and philosopher.

Sir Isaac Newton worked for the Royal Mint as a warden but he was also a philosopher, physicist, mathematician, astronomer, theologian and alchemist.

Amelia Earhart was a pilot, as a well as a nurse, author and women's rights activist.

and probably most famously,

Leonardo Da Vinci was a painter, sculptor, musician, scientist, architect, inventor, engineer, mathematician, writer, botanist, geologist, cartographer, and anatomist.

So, in the wise words of Mary Oliver: "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Want support in taking on the adventure of life? Consider Me First Coaching - www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Work vs. Life?

Representative of wisdom, self knowledge and openness

Original and prints available. 

The new year is always an interesting time. People seem to be energised. Adults in the workforce almost act like students on their first days back to school. Things seem hopeful and fresh. Possibility is in the air.

A few weeks or a month later and energy generally wanes. Winter is dragging and there's a feeling of disappointment hanging over most people. Like they were cheated out of something because this year is turning out just like last year and the year before that and the year before that. Work continues to drudge along and your boss is still a numpty and you still have that really anal co-worker, that really lazy co-worker or that really peculiar co-worker who smells sort of odd and keeps staring at you.

Meanwhile you're busting with ideas, feeling your energy being crushed by a job which you may be good at, but which does not fulfill your wants or needs. Work/life balance seems to come up a lot in conversation. How do you balance the hours you spend in the office with the hours you want to spend writing, drawing, painting, travelling, doing photography, acting etc? 

Personally I've always found the work/life argument a bit baffling. This is simply because I don't understand the separation of the two. It implies that 'work' is one plain of existence whilst 'life' is another and the two cannot co-exist. You're either working or you have a life.

What a dreadful thought. 

And yet, for so many this is entirely true. At work they are a different person. They function to fulfill a role, perform a job and at the end of the day they garner little satisfaction from their accomplishments. They work for someone, helping someone else achieve their goals or dreams, forsaking their own as 'whims' or 'flights of fancy'.

I used to be a victim of such thoughts. To me, unless I absolutely loved everything about the job I had which paid the bills, I felt I was purely exchanging my valuable time for money. This sort of thinking has a devastating effect. It can make a person feel like a shell, a robot there to perform a duty to keep the cogs of some larger machine going. It's dehumanizing and it makes perfect sense then why the idea of 'work' and 'life' being separate entities is such a widely held belief.

But work is a part of life. Life is all encompassing and work is not. Life is constant and what we do with ours - for work, for pleasure, for personal growth - is entirely up to us. Yes, I know that, to survive we generally need some sort of stable income. I'm not disputing this fact at all. But there is a way to look at work as part of your life and not a separate plain of existence where our personalities, dreams and talents need to be ignored or put onto a back burner.

How can this be done? No matter what you do for a living - cashier, administrator, sales assistant, personal assistant - there are little ways you can bring your talents and the things which give you joy into your job.

For example, I have a friend who is a textile artist who worked as a cashier for about a year. He purchased a small sketchbook that fit in his pocket and when things were slow he could easily pull it out and make little sketches or jot down ideas.

Another friend who was training to be a Spiritual Counsellor was working in administration at a charity. Until her training was done she couldn't start up her practice but in the mean time she was able to practice her communication skills because she answered the phones for the charity. Many of the callers were bereaved so it was a brilliant opportunity for her to get real life experience talking to people in distress.

For me learning is a huge part of my personality and what feeds my energy. I love discovering new skills and trying new things which is why, in any job I have, I seek out opportunities to get involved in different projects. I look for things which may be missing or which could use development or improvement. As a result I have been able to expand my administrative duties at my current place of work to include social media marketing and graphic design.

Every little bit helps but one of the key factors has also been changing the way I think about work. When possible I have brought my creativity, imagination and desire to learn to most jobs I've had. Occasionally I've had the sort of job where this flexibility didn't exist. In these cases I knew it was better for me to seek an alternative. Either way, the choice was mine. You can either look at work as a place where your life is put on hold, or you can look at work as yet another experience of life itself in which there are a multitude of opportunities for you to grow, learn and express yourself.

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com 

I can't?

"Without Limits" 

Prints available

As a child I was fortunate enough to have parents who told me that I was not only able to do anything I wanted but that I could do everything I wanted. I say fortunate because it's quite nice but also rare to be told from an early age that the world is full of opportunities.

From a different perspective this could also be seen as a bit of a curse depending on your personality. As it happens I am the sort of person who has a voracious appetite for knowledge. I love to learn and what interested me may seem quite broad and even unrelated. In fact, a lot of what interests me is unrelated, but I don't really care because if I want to learn something I will.

Sometimes I find myself filled with a desire to do everything all at once. It's almost as if I feel this incredible to do list of wants, desires and interests and I feel as though I must complete it all in the next week or I'll never have a chance to do it again.

The result is a sort of paralysis which causes me to accomplish absolutely nothing, during which time I am inclined to wallow in a lot of self pity because 'I can't' do everything. I know it's silly and my next step is generally to feel quite angry with myself for being childish, whingey or unreasonable.

All of this is hugely unproductive and also apt to turn into a vicious circle of self loathing and angst unless I take action.

The trick is to change the way I'm thinking about it. Rather than going 'I can't' I need to think, "What if I could?" and then "How would I be able to?" This opens up my options again and also reminds me that everything I want to accomplish in my entire lifetime doesn't have to get done right now. If that was even possible it would be quite unfortunate because, quite simply, what would I do then?

I have my entire lifetime to do all those things on my list of 'everything I ever want to do in my whole life' and that list is flexible. I might change my mind about something on there so I'm allowed to take stuff off as well as adding things to it.

It's all about choice. When you think you can't do something you've just taken a lot of options away. So remember to keep your options open by trying out 'what if I can?'

www.CreativeLifeCoachLondon.com

Now is as good a time as any

"Bodhisattva" 

Text reads: In life, may you be your own greatest teacher

January is an interesting month. My experience of it has always been to feel a sense of inspiration and opportunity. The year is new! Anything could happen!

People make resolutions with the intention of this year being 'different'. This year will be the year they finally get around to that thing they've always wanted to do, the year they finally break that habit they know is causing them harm, the year they get that job they've always wanted to have.

My feeling on resolutions is that, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing now. I don't want to wait until the first of the year to start making change in my life. If I want to take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, visit a new place, break and old habit, change an old thought pattern - the first of July is as good as the first of January. The twenty-third of April or September is suitable. Essentially, if it's worth changing then it's worth changing now.

But I do set yearly goals come January. This is the time of year when I list what I want to do in the next twelve months. It's about creating a yearly To Do list - and a year is a good way to measure accomplishments. For example, my goals for 2011 were to complete my tarot card paintings, hold a gallery showing in London, eat in as many Michelin starred restaurants as I could reasonably afford and visit Wales, Scotland and Ireland.

I completed my tarot cards in February and held my gallery show in August. I've dined at Bohemia, Murano, Pearl and Gavroche. I made it to Scotland and Wales but not Ireland. Instead my travels took me to Thailand, which was well worth it and a reminder that goals do not need to be set in stone because we have as much time as we are willing to make.

It truly was the year of the rabbit as it hopped by at a rapid speed, each month filled with a multitude of new experiences and adventures.

2012 is nearly upon us and my primary goals are to establish Me First life coaching and to finish editing manuscripts and start sending them out for publication. Two goals which will afford me more freedom for the future.

Of course you needn't set yearly goals on a January to January basis. You can set them on whatever calendar works for you - but I highly recommend the 12 month timeline for measuring outcomes. It can give you a lot of flexibility but it also makes for a wonderful way to keep track of where you are on a multitude of accomplishments. And above all, remember that you are in charge of your life. Where you end up, where you go, what you learn - it's all down to you. Ask yourself what you want (because you  come first in your own life and you deserve to be your own best friend.) and then get out there and make it happen.

Here's to a happy New Year.

May your love keep you warm

Taking a holiday is so very important. I tend to find them difficult because I am my own worst critic and hate to be seen as lazy. But it's important to love yourself first and best and part of that is knowing when to give yourself breaks and taking time to enjoy the moment without rushing about and being preoccupied with too many responsibilities.

For me, this is the one time of year where I find it easy to take a break. This is probably because it's the one time of year when the priority should be the people you love. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive family and incredible friends. For me, this is the time of year when I am able to express my gratitude and appreciation by making time to share in conversation and delicious food.

Living a good life is largely about the attitude you take to it. My attitude at this time of year is one of warmth and comfort. It's about building new memories and reminiscing on the old. It's about time spent with loved ones.

I think with those as my priorities, taking a break becomes much simpler. I'm not slacking off at all - if anything I'm doing some of my most important work. I'm sharing in the joy of the connections we have with those around us and celebrating the wonderful people who make my life so very interesting and delightful.

Merry Christmas to you and yours and I'll be back to my regular posting in the New Year.

London Journal - 2 years

O.K, not two years exactly just yet. One year, eleven months and nine days, if I'm going to be entirely accurate. The point is, I've nearly been in London for the original duration I planned for back in 2009. 

My life needed shaking up and the route I took for this was to move from the city where I was born and raised to London. Why London? A multitude of reasons spring to mind every time someone asks me this and it's something I've covered extensively in this very blog. The short of it is that I was ready for something entirely different than anything I knew before. 

It has been incredibly different and it's not over yet. My original work visa is set to expire in a few weeks, but it no longer applies as I've moved onto a temporary leave to remain card. I've got at least two more years in the UK but I wanted to reflect on the time I've spent here based on that original timeline. 

Everyday is an opportunity and as time passes it's amazing what we can accomplish. I didn't set out to do anything specific when I moved to a new country. I was just looking for adventure, change, a chance to explore. 

Explore I have! In two years I've been to Scotland, Wales, Jersey and explored a large chunk of England. I've travelled to Paris and Amsterdam, been to the vineyards in the south of France and gone all the way to Thailand for my birthday. 

As for change, I've had my fair share to reckon with. Culturally I've discovered and learned so much about myself as a Canadian. I've also realised that the UK is full of a multitude of cultural differences. Sometimes it's been a struggle as I have felt too loud, too up front or too honest for the relatively subdued English. More often it's been a delight as I've discovered the inherently English things about me and my family which have been passed down from my wonderful Grandmother, a war bride who left England at the same age as when I came to it. 

More than anything, there have been the opportunities. I didn't really imagine that I'd learn graphic design, hold an art gallery showing and take the first steps into starting my own life coaching business. Not to mention the incredible wealth of knowledge I have gained from watching brilliant BBC documentaries, visiting a multitude of museums from the National Gallery to the Louvre, and reading countless plaques and monuments to some of histories most significant characters. 

I know how easy it is to make excuses to not do something because of a fear of the unknown, an inability to save the cash or the feeling that some obligation to others is more important than any desire you have to live the life you dream of. I once spent two years doing so little that I can hardly remember them - day to day there was so little change. Now I've spent two years doing so much that I can hardly believe it's only been two! I feel as though I've been making up for that wasted time, ravenously reading books (59 so far in 2011!), studying psychology and philosophy, jet setting anywhere that takes my fancy, creating incredible artwork, editing more than one novel at a time, and continuing to find new things to try, new places to visit and new ways to see the world. 

We can get bogged down with cliches so easily but life really is what you make it. At the end, I doubt very highly that you'll be wishing you'd been more careful, less generous and more introverted - so go after the life you want.