Being Fully Human - Kait's Mixtape

Sarah Bareilles, 'Brave'

Apparently Chogyam Trungpa, the founder of Shambhala and one of the first Tibetan Buddhist teachers in the West, coined the phrase: being fully human. 

As a great lover of Pema Chodron, a student of Chogyam Trungpa, this phrase has come up repeatedly as I study the dharma by listening to her talks and reading her books. In contemplation I’ve come to have a greater idea of what this phrase is pointing at. 

Being fully human isn’t to say that right now we are inhuman. Rather, it’s saying that most of the time we are resistant to our experience. Most of the time we are not present. We would prefer to be more comfortable or for life to be easier. We would rather that nothing ‘bad’ ever happened to us and everything ‘good’ came our way. 

This seems totally sensible of course. Who wants to have bad things happen and who wouldn’t want to have good things happen? 

But life doesn’t work that way. It isn’t fair and duality is a concept not grounded in reality. 

The phrase ‘being fully human’ is an invitation for us to be fully alive. To be fully alive is to embrace what actually is, not what we perceive to be, hope to be or wish could be. 

This means many things to me as a practitioner but isn’t specific to Buddhism. As human beings we will experience illness, old age, and death. These things are inevitable. 

To be fully alive is to accept the facts of life, so to speak, which means accepting that life isn’t always comfortable nor easy. But it also means accepting that discomfort and difficulties are not a punishment. These things don’t mean we’ve done something ‘wrong’. They don’t mean anything. They just are. 

To be fully human is a process of learning how to embrace this essential fact. 

I want to ground this with an example, and this is why I’ve chosen to illustrate these particular lyrics. 

We all want to be accepted and loved. It’s human nature. We’re pack animals. Psychological studies have proven that belonging is a need, not a want. 

In my own pursuit to belong I have often contorted myself to fit the expectations of others. I’ve cared and speculated way too much about what other people think.

This has resulted in me holding back. I’ll not say something out of fear that someone might disagree with it because if they disagree then they might not like me. The prospect of not being liked was so terrifying that I’ve lost my voice in any number of situations. In losing my voice, my ability to speak and share freely, I have lost the chance to be fully present. I’ve not shown up for myself because I was so worried about what other people might think. 

Learning to let go of this is a process and one I’ll be working with my whole life. But I’ve begun to see how often I base my actions on what I perceive the expectations of others to be. It’s not even based on proof! 

My choice to remain voiceless has been rooted in an idea of how I think people will react. Sometimes this is based on experience. We get conditioned by our experiences and most people don’t like conflict so we do go out of our way to avoid it. 

Sometimes this is wise but sometimes it can be damaging. It can mean we are less honest about who we are in the world. It can mean we don’t stand up for ourselves. 

The process of letting go of this idea has been interesting. I’m learning many things like: 

• It’s possible to have an opinion and not be threatened by the opinions of others. 
• Other people are allowed to be offended or upset or simply disagree with something I say and that’s not my responsibility. 
• Showing up for yourself by speaking out takes a lot of bravery. 
• Speaking out wisely takes a lot of practice. 

I’m not saying we should speak thoughtlessly or out of turn. I’m not advocating rudeness or brutal honesty. All of this must be practiced with kindness and clear seeing of what serves in any given situation and what doesn’t. But I am saying that we should experiment.

Rather than shut down or suppress our thoughts and opinions we could voice them skilfully. This allows us to hear the thoughts and opinions of others more clearly and keeps us open and flexible. It reminds us that everyone wants to be seen. 

Being fully human is about being who you are. Not who you think you should be or who you think other people want you to be. 

To Build a Home - Kait's Mixtape

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Zen Buddhist monk who lives and teaches in France. He's attributed with inventing the word 'Interbeing' - which is a way he relates the interconnectedness and cause and conditions of all things.

He has many ways of explaining this but my favourite is his meditation on a tree. He describes how beautiful it is to look at a tree because you can see the entire Universe in a tree. When you look at a tree you can see the sun because without the sun, there is no tree. You can see the clouds because without clouds there is no rain and therefore, no tree. You can see the Earth because without the minerals in the Earth, there is no tree.

When I first heard this meditation it brought tears to my eyes and I instantly thought of the video that went viral a few years back where Neil DeGrasse Tyson was asked to share what he felt was the most astounding fact in the Universe. This song was used for that video and as I listened to the tree meditation I was so delighted by the idea that Thich Nhat Hanh and Neil DeGrasse Tyson were talking about the same thing.

I find myself in wonder more and more often because when we really stop and look at the world - look at the way the leaves change or the way ice crystals hang in the air or watch a bird doing something as incredible as flying - we are seeing the very wonder and magic of the universe. We are seeing the result of an explosion billions of years ago.

And we're part of that. 

The entire Universe started with a bang. A bang that's been expanding in chaos ever since. And all that chaos lead to a molton rock cooling just enough for there to be life. And that life has flourished for billions of years and eventually, you came into being.

Because there was a big bang you are here now.

That is the essence of interbeing and that is the essence of life itself.

One Day... - Kait's Mixtape

 "If death is certain and the time until death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?"

- Pema Chodron

This blog entry is going to revisit a topic I wrote about often when I first moved to London. At that time I felt a lot like I was making up for lost time. I'd been in a stagnant situation for three years prior and I was kick-starting my life with this move to a new city.

I used to be able to tell you exactly what I'd be doing year on year to the day simply because I always did what I'd always done. I was bored of this, I needed change, I needed to completely change my situation.

The thing I said the most at that time was, "I'd rather look back on my life and regret having done something than wonder what might have happened if I had." 

One of the latest revelations I've had from all this meditation practice I get up to is that we don't figure something out and then put it aside. Wisdom is incremental and it gets deeper with practice. We will revisit the same thing again and again and each time - because of experience, new ways of thinking, knowing our minds better than before - we will get something new out of it.

Death doesn't scare me. I told my mum it did when I was little and she said that simply wasn't true because if it was I'd never do anything. I'd stay up in my room and avoid any situation that might be remotely dangerous.

I remember this as the first time I encountered the idea of living life to the fullest. I've come back to it again and again and each time it shifts and my understanding gains more depth.

When I first moved to London I wanted new experiences because I was terrified of not doing enough with my life. I've often remarked that I'm allergic to procrastination because I feel a bit sick if I put off that which I can do now.

Well, that's changed quite a bit recently. Not because I do put stuff off now, I certainly don't. I actually seem to be doing more now than ever - but the feeling sick bit happens less and less.

There was a frantic energy to a lot of what I did. A sense of striving and getting things done so that eventually I'd get everything done and then maybe, maybe I could relax. 

It wasn't very comfortable. It's a strong habit though and one I'm still working with. But now the frantic energy has gone out of it because the present is just a single moment and in a single moment, we can only accomplish so much anyway. I take it as it comes, and I carry out a single task with great care and mindfulness before moving to the next.

Interestingly I seem to get a lot more done, in a calmer fashion, and it gives me more time to do absolutely nothing beyond being - which is helpful since I love meditating so much.

The less I try to 'do' the more I can 'be' and the more I can be the more I appreciate the time I have. Less and less of what I do is about getting somewhere or finishing something or ticking off a list. Now it's about experiencing the moment, enjoying the process, and waiting for what comes next patiently, without forcing it or driving for it. 

Enjoy the Ride - Kait's Mixtape

"No matter what happens, we value it to wake up." 

- Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel

This song has been on my OCD playlist for well over a year. It's on my Buddhist playlist too. There's a lot about it that I love but this line in particular is something I like to contemplate. 

I used to spend a lot of time 'chasing shadows' - trying to find answers and make things fit into my idea of the world or how I wanted my life to turn out. The first time this was really properly challenged was with the demise of my first long-term relationship.

My whole life had been planned out, entirely, and when that ended it felt very much like the future had become a blank canvas. This terrified me, initially, but then I began to see it as an opportunity. 

The second time the rug got pulled out from under me was another failed relationship and this time I had to really stop and think. I hadn't pinned my future on the success of the relationship but I'd also felt like I'd done everything 'right' and still ended up with someone fundamentally wrong for me.

This just led me to deepen my practice, to search more and more for answers or to understand life, the universe and everything. And that's when I realised I was trying way too hard. 

The thing about having the rug pulled out is that the more often it happens the more we realise there was never any rug to begin with. We are constantly in free fall because of the very chaotic nature of life. The future is unwritten and every experience we have is rich with opportunity. 

The meaning of life is not to find an answer but to question, explore and be open to all possibilities. When we try to pin it down we're trying to make static that which is constantly changing and impossible to define. Things are much, much bigger than the limited ideas we have about them.

In short, we can just enjoy the ride instead of trying to figure out why there is one. 

All This and Heaven Too - Kait's Mixtape

A very dear friend of mine once said, "That's the thing about love, it comes in so many different flavours."

I remember when I used to measure love - used to see it as how much I could have for a person or thing. One thing meditation definitely does is change this perspective - especially Metta practice (Maitri). Love stops being something quantifiable because that implies that love is limited.

True, genuine, unhindered compassionate love is as limitless as the universe. 

And it's not easy to explain this without it coming out a bit funny. It sounds hippy-dippy cheesy when I try to explain to someone the very transformative experience of tapping into this sense of unbridled compassion.

I can use all the cliches - it's without conditions, no matter what. It does not excuse poor behaviour or cruel actions but has a sense of tenderness towards the confusion that leads to one human being causing pain to another intentionally or otherwise. It's embracing the fact that no one does anything because they want to feel worse and people aren't just one thing. No one is inherently 'bad' or 'evil'.

No one.

I say this emphatically even though it's not something I can explain. All I can say is my practice has taught me that I cannot and am unwilling to write off another human being. It doesn't mean I have to like everyone (You can love someone without liking them, ask any parent ever) and it doesn't mean I have to keep people who have done me harm or intend to do me harm in my life. It doesn't make me blind to the atrocious behaviour of some people on the planet. If anything, this kind of love makes me more aware of it and more able to be there for those who are at the hands of such treatment.

It mean my heart is open to possibilities and I feel more genuine in the world. This is because I know I am just as capable of acting unwisely, causing pain or harm to another consciously or unconsciously.

But regardless of what I write here, I don't think my words will ever truly capture what I'm pointing at. It doesn't mean I'll stop trying to explain it, to put something so ineffable down on paper or in a blog, but as the lyrics I chose say, nothing I could possibly write would ever be worth this feeling. You have to test it for yourself to know it. 

Every Teardrop - Kait's Mixtape

Coldplay
'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall'

Coldplay is a Marmite band. For those not living in the UK it means people seem to either love them or hate them - there is no in-between.

I used to hate Coldplay. I thought their music was depressing and to me it all sounded exactly the same. I don't know what changed but I think part of it was that I began to pay more attention to the lyrics. In fact, my taste in music shifted considerably when I started listening to lyrics more closely.

For a very long time this song in particular was one of my anthems - meaning it was a song on my OCD playlist that got played every single day and often four or five times in a row each time.

I think the appeal for me is this delightful take on life. The absolute unpredictability of it. Nothing definitive or solid, ever shifting and changing. In the past seven months I've really come to love the idea that there is no hidden meaning to life. There is no big reason for being here and therefore there are no rules about how a life should be lived. 

The universe was born of chaos and the very nature of existence is therefore chaotic and messy. This thrills me rather than terrifies me.

Rather than 'everything happens for a reason' I take the approach that 'everything happens'. Trying to find reason in chaos just causes pain and to be honest, telling someone who has experienced something really traumatic that 'everything happens for a reason' implies that their experience was reasonable.

But life is rather messy and fairness is a human construct, as is dualism and all the lovely 'rules' about what we should or shouldn't do to be 'successful'. 'Should-ing' things in general just causes a lot of trouble.

And that means that none of us is ever 'fixed' with one identity or role because life is not static. There is no pause button on life and it's all just one big circus where anything could happen and probably will. So look for the next hand hold but be just as comfortable holding on as you are flying through the air. 

Wonder - Kait's Mixtape

The first time I heard Emeli Sande she was standing on stage at the opening ceremonies for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. I was watching the ceremonies on catch-up several days into the event.

I'd expected London to be awful during the Olympics. Most people did. The newspapers certainly prepared us for the worse - crammed tubes, inadequate bus services, crowds already too large doubling or even tripling in some areas.

A pessimist could say the expectation that everything would be awful led the city to have a pleasant surprise but I genuinely believe what happened was people showing their best.

This is a tiny island with not enough space and London is a city where space is at a premium and culturally, there is a strong need to look out for 'me' and 'mine'.

But during the Olympics and Paralympics, the city transformed. The whole event seemed to bring out the best in everyone. People actually acknowledged one another on the underground. Strangers smiled at each other. Locals stopped to offer directions to lost or confused visitors. People helped out and gave their time willingly.

It was, for me, a beautiful demonstration of basic goodness. It's something which comes out often during a crisis. We heard about it in report about the Tsunami in Japan or around ground zero in New York. When our world is falling to pieces around us we reach out and help.

But at times of great collective joy and celebration the same thing happens. We remember that the person sat next to us on the bus looking a bit queasy or the person who looks dead on their feet as they stand on the tube is another human being with which we share the planet.

And it's because we have seen so many people collectively catch their breath in celebration and we want to share the best side we have to the people who come see us from miles around. One could argue that the motivation is selfish and yes, it is. But in a positive, uplifting way. It's about self interest because of the appreciation we have for life.

I want to be happy so I understand happiness so I can share what it means to be happy so others can be happy. 

I think that's a wonderful way to be selfish and one well worth pursuing.

Throw back Florence - Kait's Mixtape

Falling
Florence + the Machine

I have several songs on a playlist I call my 'Buddha mix'. They're lyrics that contain wisdom. I use these songs as reminders, songs that compliment things I've come to understand or embrace.

One of the first teachings I came across when I began reading Pema Chodron was about groundlessness. The idea is we all spend a lot of time scrambling for ground - looking for definitive answers and solid reasons behind everything that happens to us. We want security and comfort in the form of a good job, a loving partner, a nice house. We grasp and cling to thing to make us feel 'solid' and 'safe' as if we can get life to fall into place and everything to reach a point of being okay. 

And it doesn't work.

It doesn't work because, to put it bluntly - shit happens. 

We are made redundant or we become too ill to work. Our partner stops loving us or dies. Our income doesn't allow us to buy the 'perfect' house of our dreams or we get our house and a fault in the wiring causes a fire so we still lose everything.

When these things happen, when stuff breaks down or wears out as it inevitably will, and we've used these impermanent things to give us a sense of having something solid to rely on our hold onto, the effect is devastating. It feels like our world has fallen apart and we are helpless to control it. It feels like we are being punished. We ask things like, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

But it's not so black and white because no human being is just one way. We are people and we are complicated and we do different things for different reasons and life is chaotic and stuff just happens.

The idea of embracing groundlessness is a radical one because it goes against everything we have been taught. In school we are told to get a good education so we can secure a good job and afford a good house and attract a good partner. We are taught that anything less is to fail.

Being told that it was okay for me to embrace the unpredictability of life - to make it what I will as it comes at me - was liberating and terrifying at the same time. 

Applying it is a life-long task and one I've thrown myself into since I first read 'Start Where You Are'. Until recently I didn't really understand what it truly meant, although I intellectually grasped the idea. It wasn't until I stopped trying to answer it with my conceptual mind that I began to truly get living by it.

These lyrics have, for me, been a great reminder of embracing the groundlessness of life. We are all free falling. We create a ground to plummet towards by fixating our minds, by having expectations or holding on too tightly to that which is constantly changing.

By remaining open to experience - all experience - we can free fall with joy. We can be thrilled at the very fact that we get to be here, that we are so lucky to even exist considering the miraculous nature of life, that any experience we have becomes something we're willing to face.

Not because we won't feel hurt or anger or fear - but because we will accept these things as part of the deal, part of the package of getting to have a conscious mind. 

How have I missed out Lenka?! - Kait's Mixtape

'Bring me Down'
- Lenka

I'm kind of surprised these are the first lyrics from a song by Lenka to be illustrated and shared. I'm sure I've shared her lyrics in the past in other, older mixtape posts, but still. This feel like a rather significant oversight considering how many of her songs have graced my OCD playlist.

The first Lenka song I heard was played on the satellite station at IKEA. 'The Show' came on like clockwork at the same time during my shift and eventually I used a phone app to identify and download the song as the lyrics struck me as particularly Buddhist in nature. In fact, this and 'Live Like You're Dying' were the first songs to inspire a new playlist of 'Buddhist tracks' for my iPod.

Not that the lyrics are specifically Buddhist - they are, as I emphasise repeatedly - a sort of universal wisdom I encounter often. The fact that she's only 36 this year speaks to my belief that wisdom is not exclusively a result of years lived.

Her lyrics often have incredibly insightful messages and choosing one to illustrate, as with Ingrid Michaelson, Katie Herzig and Amanda Palmer, was quite difficult.

I chose this one because I have only recently come to understand what unconditional love really means. I know it may sound simple - love no matter what - but I don't believe many of us appreciate the subtle expectations we have of others. Or how we let others expectations of us affect our own behaviour.

I believe parenthood is one of the few times unconditional love can happen spontaneously and even then, from basic observations, it's simple to see this is not a default. The basis of this kind of love is accepting the complexity of another human being by recognising our own complexity.

It's knowing that someone can only do the best they can with the resources they have and unless someone is fully enlightened they will make a mess of things at times. But unconditional love doesn't mean putting oneself in the way of harm.

Unconditionally love must extend to oneself as well.

Unconditional love is accepting that another person is who they are and will only change by their own momentum. If they are unwilling or unable to change and their actions are harmful then it is beneficial to both you and them to not be in their life - but the unconditional love is good for your heart because in their absence it could become easy to disconnect them from being human, vilifying them and cultivating hatred.

Accept that they don't know any better, but remove yourself from harm's way. Wish they may one day find the resources to change - knowing this will stop them from causing further harm.

To me these lyrics capture the brilliance of the idea that we can be grateful to everyone. Holding onto something like hate will destroy us far more quickly than it will the person or people who have hurt us. 

And then Kimbra said... - Kait's Mixtape

'Somebody That I Used to Know'
- Gotye feat. Kimbra

It's sort of hard for me to believe this song is already three years old. I know it was played to death for a while and I definitely grew sick of it and needed a break.

But from the first time I heard it this song definitely struck a chord with me.

Whilst all the lyrics are incredible, my favourite bit is the interjection sung by the talented Kimbra. Her voice is so fantastic and following the release of this song I sought out her album to add to my music collection.

The interjection is the bit I like best because it changes the entire feel of the song and speaks to the many sides of a story. At first it asks the listener to identify with the first singer - the one who didn't want to be in a relationship but was hurt that the other party wasn't even interested in being friends. Cast aside despite the time they were together, as if none of that mattered.

But the interjection sheds some light on things. It presents the other party's experience of the relationship. One that was manipulative, and based on what the other person has to say, emotionally abusive.

I love the poetry of this song and the clever balance of the lyrics - at first asking you to sympathise with the person cast aside but then presenting a strong justification for that person being cut out.

While I took a long break from this song due to how overplayed it became, it will always be a favourite of mine for its clever honesty.

Another Canadian! - Kait's Mixtape

'Short-Term Soulmate'
Bryce Kulak

Many years ago I was involved in Campy fYrefly, a weekend camp for GBLQT youth in Alberta. Along with workshops to encourage leadership and advocacy the camp also invited local members of the community to do talks. One such guest was Bryce Kulak, an Edmonton musician with a very similar sound to another Canadian, Rufus Wainwright.

I bought his CD, which contained five tracks, primarily because I adored Pelican. This was the only track to grace my OCD playlist until just a few weeks ago. Because his CD was only five tracks I kept them all on my iPod and would stumble across them when I decided to do a full shuffle of every track on there.

It was a particularly gorgeous sunny day when this track came on. I was wandering around with no particular destination in mind, just enjoying walking for the sake of it. It was as if the universe knew I was feeling particularly light in my heart and wanted to give me a suitable celebratory song. It was a moment of great clarity when it reached the final crescendo and I thought, 'Yes... yes I am.'

Mystery music - Kait's Mixtape

'My Skin'
Natalie Merchant

Natalie Merchant was an accidental discovery. I was sharing my laptop with roommates and they'd been using my iTunes to put music on their own MP3 players. One day when I was transferring new songs to my iPod this song got transferred over. I was driving the first time it came on and I was instantly addicted to it. 

When drawing it I wanted to capture the sharp edge to the whole thing. The song itself is incredibly gentle sounding and the lyrics are definitely up for interpretation. My understanding of it, simply based on how I've used it as part of my life soundtrack, is that we have all we need within ourselves to grow, change, let go and forgive. 

In Buddhism there is something called 'the genuine heart of sadness'. It's described as an incredibly tender sort of sadness felt for the whole human condition. Not pity but a sense of how difficult life is and how every human being shares that existence and a general longing to be kind and cultivate compassion as a result. To me this song is the genuine heart of sadness captured in lyrics and gentle strings accompanied by piano. 

Oh Amanda... - Kait's Mixtape

'The Killing Type'
Amanda (Fucking) Palmer

I kicked off this whole lyrics art project with Amanda Palmer. I have to say, her music is really therapeutic. The Killing Type has been on my OCD playlist since the first time I stumbled across the music video on YouTube.

I've always found anger expressed through music as extremely cleansing. There's something about stomping around and singing along to a particularly intense song that makes me feel lighter afterwards. Like I've bonded with the artist and all the other people who can identify with the absolute intensity of emotion in a song. 

I do get the impression that Amanda has quite a bit of rage going on but what I love about this song in particular is how she expresses frustration without hatred or violence - ironically considering the title. This is a song for anyone who has ever felt utterly frustrated by and unable to comprehend how someone can be so unfeeling in their treatment of another. But it's also about accepting the responsibility we have to let that go without expecting the other person to change.

It's like the traditional Buddhist teaching - holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal in the hope to growing it at someone. We may be able to do this but we will most certainly get burned. 

Canada's Greatest Export - Kait's Mixtape

'Stupid'
Sarah McLachlan

I suspect it was on 22 Minutes, a very Canadian show about politics, that I heard the joke about Sarah McLachlan being Canada's greatest export over and above softwood lumber and oil. 

She is one of my favourite artists of all time. Her voice is absolutely incredible and I ache to be able to sing a song the way she does. Seriously, she is NOT someone I should sing along with because I try to match her range - and I can't - resulting in a sound like a strangled cat. 

Her best known 'export' is probably the song Angel. It's been used in so many charity appeals I couldn't list them all. Off the top of my head World Vision, Red Cross and the Tsunami Relief appeal for Japan all chose this heart wrenchingly beautiful piece to accompany dramatic shots of starving children, homeless victims and the dramatic impact of a natural disaster. 

I do enjoy Angel but Sarah has put out somewhere around eleven albums, several compilations and has had her music selected for various remixes, so this is just one song of so many. 

I don't know that I have a favourite song as it depends on my mood but I can honestly say, no matter my mood, there is a Sarah McLachlan song that will suit. 

Ingrid, again - Kait's Mixtape

'The Chain'
Ingrid Michaelson 

It was inevitable that I'd end up repeating artists. Choosing just one of Ingrid's songs was difficult enough in the first place and at the time I'd already done this drawing. I actually finished this piece late last year - as the very observant will notice when they spot the year next to my initials.

Like I said in my previous entry about Ingrid Michaelson, her lyrics have had a profound impact on my life. But something else I appreciate is how my understanding of a song can totally shift based on personal experience.

I would have to say 'The Chain' is not only one of my favourite Ingrid Michaelson songs - it's one of my all-time favourite songs that ever was. Since I first discovered it I believe it's not been on my OCD list for a period of about three months. Otherwise it's a permanent resident to the list of songs I could happily play three times or more in a row.

It has cellos. It has a canon - like the circular singing canon, not the Tchaikovsky 1812 sort of cannon, which is also awesome. The lyrics are poetic and heartfelt and her voice is lovely.

And then I lived it and my love of the song shifted to that of finding the words of a kindred spirit. It was a bit like the admiration a person can have for a piece of art they've seen in a book and then the complete emotional intensity of the moment they see the original hanging in a museum.

I love how my appreciation for a song can change over time. It often happens in reverse - where I'm happy to say my taste in music has improved significantly - but there's something so satisfying about hearing a song totally differently simply because of the way your life has changed.

P!nk so gets me - Kait's Mixtape

'Try'
P!nk

I've been a big fan of P!nk for a long time. Her girl-rock-fuck-you attitude translates beautifully into music that motivates, invigorates and validates. 

I've had more than one of her songs on my OCD playlist at any given time. I remember the satisfaction I got from listening to 'So What' and 'Cuz I Can' as therapy following a broken-heart. Both she and Sarah McLachlan released albums  within weeks of each other full of lyrics about the emotional roller coaster of being dumped. Alanis Morissette is another one who's really damn good at being honest about heartbreak in her lyrics.

The saccharine 'Woe is Me' heartbroken lyrics of so many songs just grate on my nerves. There's this downtrodden sense of loss and ridiculous ideologies like 'I'm not whole without you' or 'how can I not just walk in circles without my other half?'

P!nk's lyrics certainly carry a level of honesty with them when it comes to heartbreak. She is a strong, resilient woman and this comes through in her music.

She talks about picking herself up, dusting herself off, and possibly flipping the bird to the person who hurt her IF she can be bothered to even give them the time of day - because she's got a life to live and she's gonna go and get on with that. She might hurt and she might be angry or upset or disappointed but she's not about to wallow.

Strength in Pain - Kait's Mixtape

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who hasn't heard Mumford & Sons. The song 'I Will Wait' seemed to grace every radio station, permeate BBC programmes and generally fill airwaves for several months. 

I definitely enjoyed the song, finding it put an incredible bounce in my step. But when I listen to music, more often than not, it's the lyrics that catch and hold me. In the case of Mumford & Sons I have found myself drawn to many of their songs. 'I Will Wait' was a gateway but the lyrics from so many others songs from the same album have resonated strongly with me. 

'The Cave' - Mumford & Sons

Picking which song to draw lyrics from first proved difficult, but in the end it was this particular line which meant the most to me. At the moment, anyway. 

I spend quite a lot of time reading Buddhist teachings and one of the most common threads throughout is how compassion is cultivated by understanding our shared experience. 

There are many forms of meditation which involve giving and receiving affirmations. Things like, "May all beings everywhere have ease of mind' and 'May all beings everywhere be free of suffering'. 

For the longest time I did these practices believing there was some sense of 'energy' I was offering to the world. I don't doubt that our thoughts do carry energy but the sceptic in me felt like thinking things better just didn't make sense - and it doesn't. 

I had a profound realisation one day when I was doing a meditation practice on the Underground. I realised that there may indeed be some energy effect to the thoughts I was having but the sayings weren't about putting something outside of myself. They were to change something within. 

We cannot control the world around us. Nothing can be held static and there will never be a time when 'everything will settle down'. Life is constant change and generally unanswerable. The only thing we can work with is our mind. 

By working with our mind we don't change the world. We change how we exist within it. 

To me, these lyrics capture that work. We cannot expect to grow stronger by avoiding the very nature of life. Strength comes from knowing our experience as it is and not resisting it. 

As Is - Kait's Mixtape

What can I say about Ani? I first discovered her when I was in Junior High. A friend of mine burned me a CD of her music and I found myself captivated by her brilliant use of words to convey great passion about all manner of social and political issues. At the time I was a fully self-identified activist and the energy of her writing matched my own. 

As I grew older I would sometimes see how much anger there was in what she'd written and occasionally a sense of righteous indignation came through as well - turning me off of some of her music. But one thing has never changed for me. When Ani writes about relationships, about love and connection, about the very experience of being human, it has always resonated with me. 

For that reason many of her songs end up on my OCD playlist, the playlist on my iPod of songs that I can listen to on repeat, five times in a row, and not tire of. 

Ani Difranco - 'As Is'

Where Does the Good Go - Kait's Mixtape

Another one of my 'drawn lyrics'.

I'm quite pleased with this one and was extra excited because it involved using pastels. I adore pastels. They're just so lovely to smudge around. I like how they bleed over the edges and that my fingerprints can be seen in the final product.

Tegan & Sara have been a huge part of my life since I first attended one of their concerts at the age of 14. At the time the tickets were $5CAD and we were sat at long cloth covered tables with candles on them. It was an 'intimate evening' with Tegan & Sara.

I immediately bought 'This Business of Art' which became my favourite album ever, as not a single song on it grated me. In fact, for one summer that album was like my own personal soundtrack.

Each subsequent album, excluding 'Sainthood', has seemed to fit exactly with where I was at that time in my life, including most recently, 'Heartthrob'.

But I still visit their other songs frequently because so often what they have written captures perfectly exactly what I feel.

Tegan & Sara - 'Where Does the Good Go'

Therapeutic Lyrics - Kait's Mixtape

I'm a writer but not a poet. I can write poetry and sometimes have, but it's just not my thing. Nor am I musically talented. But I greatly admire those who are and I love when someone shares their talent in this way and the thing they wrote and composed speaks so entirely perfectly to my own experience.

It's a lovely reminder that we are never alone. That everyone knows grief, joy, heartache, love, sadness, excitement, disappointment, discovery, betrayal - the whole rich gamut of emotions.

Recently I've been writing down specific lyrics that resonate with me and in an exploration of typography, I've been 'drawing' them. I don't know how many I'll get through - if this will be another unfinished project - or if this might become an ongoing thing for several years. But at the moment I'm enjoying the time it takes to draw each one. I'm enjoying a project that takes me away from a computer screen and involves just my drawing materials and a sketchbook.

Plus it means I'm listening to some really fabulous music, such as the delightful Amanda 'Fucking' Palmer. Her lyrics are incredible and her music videos are also pretty damn fabulous. If you've not seen her open letter composition for the Daily Mail please do watch it now. I feel it pretty much summarises how Amanda Palmer is in the world.

Amanda Palmer - 'In My Mind'