No one lacks confidence. Confidence is the inherent belief that you can rely on something. We can have confidence in others, confidence in a task, and confidence in ourselves. It's an internal thing based on an unwavering belief.
The reason I say that no one lacks it is because we all have confidence in some capacity. We do, really. It's just that we don't always realise it.
Imagine if you will, meeting a person at a social gathering. You get talking and this person tells you that in their life they have accomplished many things. They have a great list of 'positives'- things of which they can be proud - but in their negative column they put a lack of confidence. They tell you that it is the one thing they just don't have and that they are at a loss because, despite being skilled in so many ways, this feels like the greatest failure.
Confidence comes in many forms. In this person's case they are referring to a lack of social confidence. What they mean when they say they don't have confidence is that they don't feel sure enough of themselves in social situations to approach strangers and strike up a conversation.
A lack of confidence when it comes to approaching strangers is not an inherent lack of any confidence at all. For example, suppose this person has a successful career in which they have performed extremely well. They studied for a long time and have worked in many different roles in their industry, gaining success and rising to a place where they are respected for their talents. They were confident in the skills they gained from their education. They were confident in the knowledge they have of their chosen field. They were confident in their abilities as a professional to build a successful career.
It's simply because of a belief that confidence is confined to a specific situation that this individual feels they lack it.
Often times we are not aware of these sorts of limiting beliefs. Because we are told that confidence has something to do with bravery or with social performance, we are not aware of the great level of self belief we have in other areas.
A great way to let go of this limitation is to sit down and write a list of the things which you know you are good at. Anything at all, be it cooking, drawing, gardening, pet care, reading, athletics, teaching, listening - you get the idea. Belief in your ability to do something is confidence.
We can't be confident in all things. For example, I don't believe I'd ever be good at treating traumatic injury. Beyond being able to budget, I have very little faith in my math skills. I don't feel very assured in my ability to learn new languages. There are so many other examples, but I don't have to be confident in everything and nor does anyone else. When we encounter something where we feel we just don't believe in ourselves, it helps to remember our list of the things we are confident in.
Remember, confidence is something that comes from within. It's our capacity to recognise our own strengths without need of external approval. When we recognise where we are strongest, where we have unwavering faith in our ability to do something, we are reminded that oftentimes these things were things we learned over time. When we encounter a time where we don't feel so sure, we can use our confidence in a different area to remind us of our ability to grow.
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Monday, September 3, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Question of Confidence
con·fi·dence/ˈkänfidəns/
| Noun: |
|
I get told that I'm confident a lot and for a long time I would deny it. I would give all sorts of reasons why I wasn't - I had issues with anxiety, I felt full of doubt, I could worry like a pro.
I would spend a lot of time comparing myself to others who I did see as confident. I just didn't measure up. They would have an air about them, an unflappable strength which I didn't believe to be true of myself. Until I started thinking about how we define confidence versus what it really is.
A lot of people may initially come across as confident, but when observed over a length of time it comes to light that they actually lack confidence entirely. They may have a large ego or a sense of self importance, but these are not things to be confused with confidence.
Self confidence is an inherent belief in our ability. A better word for it may be faith. Confidence is having faith that you have strengths and skills which make you awesome and capable.
For example, the first day at a new job we may feel that we don't really know what we're doing. This isn't a lack of confidence but a lack of experience. If we are able to look back on our first day at any job we can see how we might have been a bit nervous or apprehensive - and rightly so. Any new experience is an unknown but our faith in our ability is where confidence comes into play.
When we are confident we know that it's not about whether or not we are capable of doing something proficiently right away - it's knowing we are capable of learning. Confidence is stepping into a situation we might not be comfortable with or prepared for, but knowing we have the tools to make it through.
A good example of this is stage fright. I love how people get told to 'not be nervous'. This is terrible advice! If you're doing a performance to an audience, even a small audience, it can and will be nerve wracking. This is O.K. It's totally normal. In fact, people who don't get nervous in spotlight situations are a minority.
But that doesn't mean everyone who gets stage fright lacks confidence. It's because of confidence that they are able to take the stage and give it their best.
I now embrace the fact that I'm a confident person. I may get upset, worried, anxious and nervous sometimes but because I believe in myself I know I will be O.K. - and that is what being confident is all about.
I want to help you find your confidence.
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