A new year...

Well, it's 2015.

I have to say, on reflection, that 2014 was a phenomenal year. What I accomplished is rather incredible to me. Especially considering that I started the year with a pretty solid list of what I was aiming for and completed very little from that list.

Increased flexibility has been one of my accomplishments from this past year and I gotta say, I can't recommend it enough.

So with 2015 well and truly here I've been thinking about my expectations and goals for the next twelve months. 

I aspire to live without expectations as far as hoping things will go a certain way or turn out according to some fixed idea in my head, but I do hold a strong expectation to work with my own mind, embrace all experience as an opportunity, and keep letting go over and over and over.

That being said I have a multitude of plans for 2015. As usual there is a lot of travel on my list, and a lot of art. Much discovery and adventure to be had and great opportunities for growth.

Quite late in 2014 I approached Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel with a formal request to be her student and she accepted. On Boxing Day we spoke and began forming a plan of how to work together with so much distance between us (she lives in Colorado), including an opportunity for me to attend a retreat she'll be teaching at this summer.

Along with continuing and deepening my practice, tentative trips to various locations around the world and making more artwork, 2015 also marks the year of my 30th birthday.

I am incredibly excited to be thirty. I feel I have used my life extremely well up to this point. I regularly go through periods of feeling total and utter contentment with things just as they are, to the point that I genuinely feel I could die and that would be okay because I have so much appreciation for everything in my life.

More and more I'm finding that I'm able to embrace anything and everything that comes my way. I have learned the most about compassion, for myself and others, from the more difficult and painful periods so there really is no adventure (or misadventure) I've been on that I have not benefited from.

I'm aware that thirty is a pinnacle year for most people. To be honest, the greatest advantage I see from it is that, once a person reaches thirty, they seem to finally get credit for a lot of wisdom they may have developed in their twenties. It's almost like reaching thirty without a major disaster occurring means society views you through a default lens of credibility.

I, of course, am fully aware that being thirty does not make me any wiser or more worldly, but I aim to embrace the status it offers. 

I'm a big fan of lists and they often grace my blog in various forms. The start of a new year is a wonderful excuse for a list and normally I'd jump all over it.

'Normally'.

I'm discovering that 'normally' is generated from an idea I have of myself based on who I am or who I think others might think I am. While lists are fun and definitely have great advantages, they can also be restrictive. Last year I illustrated a beautiful list of yearly goals, as previously mentioned. I believe I completed three of the ten items on it.

This doesn't feel like a great loss to me, however, because my year was incredibly rich and full.

So if I am to set a list for 2015 it won't be a set of specific tasks to accomplish but rather aspirations and intentions I set daily anyway.

May I be open to opportunities. 

May I create. 

May I let go. 

Everything is good for practice. Everything is workable. 

First entry of 2014 - Kait's Mixtape

'Make a Noise' - Katie Herzig

While every day is an opportunity to grow and learn I do feel that 2013 was a particularly intense year of growth for me. There has been a significant shift in my understanding of life, the world and what it means to be content. I went from intellectually 'getting' a lot of things to actually knowing them on a deep gut level.

I'm starting to understand that I can be there for others and for myself without having to 'fix' anything. 

I definitely understand what it means to drop the story-line, to let go of 'me' vs. 'them'. 

And I get it when I hear a saying like, "Love the life you're living". 

In keeping with my usual tradition I'm setting myself some annual goals. Not resolutions but targets. Things to accomplish over the next twelve months.

One is to maintain and increase my daily meditation practice and generally explore the teachings of the Dharma further.
In the last year I've finally begun to understand applications vs. technique. The difference between comprehension and inherently knowing. I no longer look at meditation as something I should do because I know it helps but something I am eager to do because I so love being present and the sense of calm and contentment it brings me no matter what my circumstances.

Another is to continue my design education. 
I am so fortunate to love what I do and who I work with. To have an incredible manager and team is delightful and the opportunities open to me right now are going to be so beneficial no matter what the future holds. I also appreciate the time I have for my freelance work as and when it suits me, to be able to build upon my portfolio.

The last goal of the year is to travel. 
I have always intended to return to Canada sometime in my 30th year. I have no hard and fast plans (I'm re-learning how to be comfortable with uncertainty in my future.) but I do know that some time in 2015 I'll be living back in Canada. Between now and then I'd like to see as much of Europe as I can considering that was one of the original reasons I moved to London. Up until now I've found myself spending my travel money on far more elaborate and far-reaching trips, like Thailand and Japan, because these were places I simply couldn't have afforded to get to when I was living in Canada. But with Europe at my fingertips and a stable job and quite a few days holiday available, now seems the time to take advantage.

Life really is a series of never-ending lessons. Some we will relearn or come to understand differently as we grow older and our experiences change the way we see the world. Others will seem profound at one time and foolish later on. But one lesson I've learned feels like it will stay strong and true throughout my life.

Life is made for living and no one is going to do that for you. We can sit around and wait for things to happen or we can go out and make them happen. There are always going to be trials and tribulations, the rug will always be pulled out from under us and none of us will ever reach a point where everything is 'okay' so it's better to do things now than when we think we'll be 'ready'.

No matter the weather, no matter the turmoil in our relationships or the stability of our work or living situations - life is about participation.

Don't ignore your dreams. Let them out. By letting them out they become ideas and ideas become goals and goals become achievements.

May you have a year of great achievement - no matter what you decide to do with it.