London Journal - One Month In

To be entirely honest, I don't feel much like writing this evening. I've had an interesting week, to say the least. To think that last Sunday I had just returned from Paris seems odd to me. So much has happened in this week (All of it very telling, important and helpful.) and I think I'm just finishing all the processing around it.

I do believe that one of my greatest strengths is knowing myself. I know my mind and I'm extremely good at listening to my own sensibilities and motivating myself to necessary change. This is why I'm here in London, where I've now been residing for one month's time.

In that month I have seen Paris, gone to Cambridge for a weekend, visited three museums, seen Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey. I've got my National Insurance number, registered with a GP and National Health and successfully found employment...which I'm now going to leave.

Thing is, this month, whilst being sparse in cash, has been full of experience. It has been what I was looking for in adventure, inspiration and discovery. It's an absolutely brilliant, bright world with so much to see and do and I want to see and do all that I can in whatever time I've got. So working five eight hour days + commuting + an unpaid lunch hour + requiring to be fifteen minutes early for a shift + not usually getting out until 15/20 minutes after the shift has ended + occasionally missing your fifteen minute break = 10 - 11 hour days that leave one feeling shattered.

'Shattered'

I'm familiar with a lot of British slang. I'm a fan of such films as 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' and such comic gems as 'Fawlty Towers' and 'Black Adder'. But 'shattered' was a new one for me. I don't think I should have to define it, but for the sake of clarity, I will.

It means exhausted beyond belief. So tired you feel broken, smashed, strewn apart and unable to reassemble. Hardly able to crawl into bed for how tired you are.

I don't want to feel shattered five days of the week and too tired the other two to spend any time exploring, puttering (Laundry, dishes, cooking etc.) and most importantly, writing in my Blog, working on my artwork and updating Facebook and Twitter. I am an artist and whilst I require a second job in order to supplement my income, being an artist must never come second to anythign else I do. It came second for far too long, as dreams often do. It's incredible how many excuses we will make not to accomplish the things that really matter to us and are truly important. This is not about me finding a job I love. Indeed, I've found it. I've found it and wouldn't it be absolutely mind blowing brilliant if I could make enough at it right this very moment to never have to work for anyone else ever again?

But nothing happens instantly and I'm practical and believe such things deserve to be worked at in order to be appreciated. So I will continue to work on my art but I will do so whilst working a job which may not be art related, but will also not retract from my sense of well-being and my love of doing. I love to cook and I love to go to museums and I love to explore cities and towns I've only ever dreamed of. I should not be so shattered at the end of the day that none of these things are on my mind because all I can manage is the energy to climb some stairs and tip into bed.

Still, one month in and I don't feel any time here has been wasted. I feel this is truly one of the best decisions I've ever made. This city is wondrous and delightful. The proximity of so many places yet to discover makes my feet tingle and my imagination run wild. I've filled another journal, unable to keep from writing about all I'm learning, seeing and doing. It's truly fantastic and as of this moment, I couldn't be happier. I know it sounds cheesy, but home really is where the heart is and I feel I have found a new place in which my heart resides.